Losing My Mind
by IHeartLogiebear
Summary: Last year, James Diamond suffered a severe mental break and was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. Now Big Time Rush has made a comeback and James is finally putting his life back together. When he's kidnapped at a Halloween party and unable to take his medication, there's some severe consequences. Now James is breaking down all over again.
1. Halloween

**Well, here's Losing My Mind, the sequel to Stuck In My Head! I'm so excited to revisit this story again and I hope that you'll enjoy it! **

**Disclaimer: I'm just a 20 year old girl that loves Big Time Rush and is sort of in love with James Maslow. Soooo...no, I don't own Big Time Rush.**

_**Now let the story begin!**_

* * *

_Dear Journal,_

_It's October 31. Halloween. My girlfriend and the guys want me to go to this huge block party, but I just don't think I can handle it. I can manage performing in front of crowds with BTR, but only because I'm usually too focused. A party where I'm surrounded by hundreds of strangers? It freaks me out._

_It has been seventeen months since I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I take Abilify in the morning and Prozac in the evening, so I guess it's pretty much under control. That doesn't mean that I don't struggle anymore. Crowds make me anxious, I panic when I'm overstimulated, and my temper isn't always easy to control. In other words, life is still hard to a certain extent._

_I guess I better go now. I'll write again later._

_Sincerely, James_

I inhale as I close and lock my journal, sliding it under my pillow. I've warned people not to touch it, so I don't have to worry about it being read. Besides, I hid the key, so they couldn't read it even if they tried. Anyway, I've gotta get go to that party. As I wrote in my latest entry, I don't really wanna go, but I'm trying to act as a normal as possible.

"Hey, the party's starting!" Carlos practically drags me off the bed, ignoring my protests as he and Kendall usher me out the door. Logan is already down there with Camille and Gabi, their three month old daughter. He's been in a wheelchair since last year, but his mom has talked about stem cell surgery, which could possibly give him the ability to walk again.

"You're not gonna dress up?" Katie frowns.

"I've got a batman shirt on." I rub the back of my neck, taking a deep breath.

Step.

Step..

Step...

STEP...

"Ugh!" I groan, turning to see who's walking so _loudly._ To my confusion and concern, there's no one there. I pray to God that I'm not hallucinating again. I don't see why I should be. I mean, I'm on medication, so I should be fine. I'm fine, right? Someone tell me that I'm fine!

Maybe it's the anxiety about the party.

Yeah, that must be it.

I tense up when we're inside the elevator. I do fine when it's just me and the guys, but there are three other people in the elevator with us. I have to breathe just to keep my sanity in tact. I'm sorry, but I feel like I'm trapped in here.

"Is he alright?"? The elderly lady whispers.

"He's just a little nervous." Carlos replies. "He hasn't been to any big parties in a while."

I give him the most disbelieving look that I can muster. He's gonna make me look freaking antisocial or something! Well, it's a good thing that Kendall has his hand on my shoulder because I'd have a panic attack if he wasn't here. He and Dominique are the ones that really take care of me. Logan has a wife and daughter now and Carlos is Gabi's godfather, so...yeah.

Ding!

"Jay, wait for us!"

The party is taking place right outside the Palm Woods. It's a block party and it's being hosted by Jett Stetson, who is Jo's costar on New Town High. I guess he's the new Hollywood Super Party King Of Hollywood, which is what Carlos and I use to be. Well, I honestly don't care if he takes our title because I don't care for parties anyway.

Step.

Step..

Step...

STEP...

"Who the hell is following me?!" I snap, looking around the lobby.

"Jay, have you been taking your meds?" Kendall frowns.

"Yeah!" I insist, keeping my head down as we walk through the front doors. The DJ is playing a song called "I Like It Loud" off Dominique's debut album. Yeah, I wonder who requested that one (*cough* Dominique! *cough*). I wonder if she remembers that there are children here who don't need to be listening to _that_.

"Dance, Gabi!" Logan is holding Gabi on his lap and she's "dancing" to the song. Wow, three months old and already hearings only appropriate for people seventeen and older.

You won't believe where Dominique is. She's on top of a pickup truck, in her Britney Spears "Circus" costume, and proudly dancing to her racy new tune. Yep, Rocque Records (meaning Griffin) is allowing her to promote this as her new single. I personally don't care for it, but I don't say anything because I don't wanna hurt her feelings.

She thinks I like the whole album, but some of the songs are just too inappropriate for my liking.

"Jay, get up here!" She calls out, waving to me. I give her a look, crossing my eyes.

"No!" I mouth. I smirk when she sticks her tongue out and gets down from the truck, pushing through the crowd. You know, she makes a very sexy Britney Spears. She was gonna wear a blonde wig, but we both agreed that blonde just isn't her color. The costume looks a lot better on her as a brunette.

"You said that you would dress up!" She whines, giving me a kiss.

"I wore a Batman shirt!" I groan before she kisses me again. I feel somewhat relieved when Kendall and Carlos walk away so I can be alone with my girlfriend. We've been dating for more than a year, but we've both been so busy that we haven't had much time to just have fun together.

"That's not a costume, pretty boy."

"Is too!"

"Uh uh."

"Uh huh!"

"Jay," She interrupts. "It's not a costume."

I roll my eyes, kissing her cheek before following her over to the snack table. The snacks look unbelievably delicious. I grab a chocolate chip cookie for myself and a brownie for Dominique. As we snack together, I watch an individual standing by the entrance. He's dressed in all black, including dark sunglasses, but I guess it's just a costume. I'm just worried because I've never seen him before.

"Hey, do you see that guy over there?"

"Um, yeah, why?"

"He keeps staring at me." I frown.

"Jay, I'm sure he's not looking at you." Dominique insists. "Now, relax and eat your cookie."

I scoff as I bite down on the chocolatey snack, occasionally glancing over at the man. Every time I do, his eyes are on me, but he looks away the minute that Dominique looks his way. Really, he's acting weird and he's giving me the creep.

The more he keeps watching me, the more tempted I am to approach him.

"Jay, come dance with me!" Dominique exclaims as "Boom Boom Pow" starts playing.

"I'll be there in a minute!" I assure her, kissing her cheek before making my way over to the man. For a minute, I just stand there with my arms crossed, waiting for him to speak. Is he on drugs or something? I'm waiting for him to say something, but he's just _staring at me. _There's definitely something wrong with this guy.

"Do you need something?" I finally question.

"Yeah, I'm looking for Reginald Bitters. Take me to him."

"Um, okay." I walk ahead of him into the Palm Woods lobby, which turns out to be completely. Hmm, you'd think that this guy would be aware of that. Then again, something is very suspicious about him.

"I'm sorry, but-"

"Come with me!"

Out of nowhere, he grabs me and puts a gun to my head, pushing me toward the parking garage. I am frozen with fear, practically paralyzed. I don't know what wants or anything, so that makes this even more terrifying for me. Is this a sick joke? Is he seriously kidnapping me at gunpoint?

"What are you doing?!" I yell as he shoves me into the back of a black van.

"SHUT UP!" He screams at me, getting behind the wheel. I whimper and pull my knees to my chest as he starts the vehicle and drives off, praying to God that someone will come to my rescue.

* * *

"Let me go!"

"Shut up!"

The warehouse has clearly been around for decades. It's dusty, dirty, messy, and just plain disgusting. I can't believe I'm here when I should be at the Palm Woods with my friends. My gosh, I think I'm gonna be sick.

"What do you want with me?!" I scream.

"It's not him that wants something with you."

Oh no...

"It's me." Hawk appears out of the shadows, a evil glint in his eyes and an equally evil smile on his face. I freeze with fear, scooting backwards until I hit the wall. I shrink back, desperate to protect myself from any kind of harm that Hawk and his buddy may inflict on me. I hope he plans on explaining himself to me.

"W-why?"

"I've still gotta get revenge on Gustavo, remember? I thought Big Time Rush would surely be ruined after your breakdown, but he just had to bring you brats back. Well, Big Time Rush can't function without all of it's members."

I'm shaking now. I'm shaking and I'm breathing heavy and I'm sweating. I'd rather die than be trapped in an old warehouse with criminals. Hawk is Gustavo's less successful rival and he has been out to destroy Gustavo ever since BTR came into the picture. For about ten years, Hawk was the successful one, then Gustavo made a comeback with Big Time Rush.

"Please," I beg. "Let me go."

"Not until I get my money!" Hawk snaps. "I'm gonna make your life a living hell, then I'm gonna make Gustavo pay five million dollars to get you back."

"You don't understand! I have to take my medication!"

"You'll live without it!" I sob as he punches me extra hard across the face. I didn't think that he was this crazy. I always knew that he was a little off, but I didn't know just how bad he was. I guess he's more unstable than I thought. Does he not realize or care that I could relapse unless I get my medication?

Tears roll down my cheeks as I stare at the concrete floor, wishing for this nightmare to end. Unfortunately, something tells me that the nightmare has just begun.

* * *

**Well, James can't take his medication because Hawk kidnapped him:( I wonder how that'll turn out for him;(**

**Review! :D**


	2. Taken

**Kendall's POV**

"Carlos, where is James?"

"Um, I don't know. I thought he was with you."

"Well, he's not! And he's not with Dominique either!"

I look all around, but there's no sign of James. I even checked in 3S and Logan's apartment, but he's nowhere to be found. I wonder if he decided to go for a drive. He doesn't have his license, though. I don't know why, but I feel like something is wrong. He was acting so anxious when we were coming to the party and now he just disappeared? Something is definitely not right.

Buzzzz...buzzz...buzzzz

"Ugh, why did Jo have to text me right now?" I look at the screen, but it's not from Jo. It's from an unknown number.

_I want five million dollars...or the boy dies_

_Sincerely, GH_

"Guys, look." I hand my phone to Carlos, whose eyes widen as soon as he reads the message. The same goes for Logan. I feel like I might pass out, but we've gotta save James. We've gotta get five million dollars and save James. If he doesn't get free and can't get his medication, it'll be a recipe for disaster!

"Who's it from?" Logan frowns.

"Someone named GH."

"GH...who could that be?!"

"Dominique!" I hurry over to James's girlfriend, pulling her away from a complete stranger. In a panic, I practically drag her into the lobby, close to a full blown anxiety attack. My schizophrenic best friend is being held somewhere against his will, without his medication and no one to comfort him and make him feel safe.

"What?!"

"James is missing!"

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"Someone took James!" I rant. "Someone took him and I can't find him, this guy wants five million dollars or James will die, and I'm-OW!" She just slapped me...hard. Okay, I guess I needed that.

"Who took him?!"

"Some guy named GH..."

"We need to tell Gustavo!" Dominique growls, motioning for us to follow her. Even though we're consumed with concern, we follow her out to the parking lot. Um, so I guess she wants to drive to Rocque Records and let Gustavo and Kelly know that her boyfriend is missing. Well, I wanna find my best friend!

"Who is GH?!" Carlos whines as we walk to Dominique's car.

"I have no idea!" I heave a sigh, helping Logan into the back seat. He was the victim of two assaults last year and the second one resulted in him being paralyzed from the waist down, due to the jerk stepping on and breaking his spine. I still hate the bastard to this day.

"Why would this guy kidnap him?" Carlos's voice just breaks my heart.

"We're gonna find out, buddy."

"Damn right we are." Dominique violently shoves the key into the ignition, stepping on the gas pedal. We all shriek as she speeds out of the parking garage. Okay, who gave this girl a driver's license?! We all know that she has some mental issues of her own, so I don't know how she passed a driving test.

"I'm gonna be car sick!" We all cringe as Logan empties his stomach, on the car floor.

"One of you better clean that up."

"It's your car, so you should clean it!"

"Whatever." Dominique murmurs. I could have sworn that I just saw a tear roll down her cheek.

* * *

**Gustavo's POV**

"It's like a million notes a minute and I don't know how you did it!"

Another night spent writing a new song for the dogs. This time, it's a duet with Dominique. Big Time Rush and Dominique Santiago are Rocque Records two most popular acts. I've gotta keep writing awesome tunes for them to record and perform. It would be a lot easier to do that if I weren't so concerned about them. Just through experience, I've learned that Halloween can be...dangerous.

Knock! Knock!

"GUSTAVO!"

"WHAT?!" I scream. Don't they know not to interrupt a genius at work? This is what I think at first, then I notice the fear in their voices. I try to keep a pretty emotionless image, but even I have a heart. Griffin is a different story, but I'm always concerned about the boys, specifically James. He reminds me a lot of my brother. You know, when he was still alive.

"Gustavo, someone took James!" Carlos cries.

"What are you-say _what? _By who?!"

"I got a text from 'GH'." Kendall responds. My jaw drops because I know _exactly _who GH is. I'd rather find him and wring his neck right now, but I end up having Kendall's phone shoved in my face. Apparently, the jerk wants five million dollars for James's safe return. Well, it's a good thing that I'm _rich_.

"Listen, I wanna know where my boyfriend is and I want him back _soon_."

Is it pathetic that I'm scared of a teenage girl? Dominique is the only one that can freak me out with a few cold words and a threatening stare.

"I'm texting him." I snarl, grabbing my own phone.

_Hawk, I know you have James. You want five million dollars? I'll give you five million dollars, but you better not hurt that boy._

Seconds later, I get a reply.

_Meet me at Hawk Records next Friday. I wanna have a little fun with him first. Tell anyone what's going on and I'll kill him._

I growl, angrily dropping my phone on the desk. He wants to keep James until Monday so he can "have a little fun with him?" Is he serious, kidding, or crazy? I'm guess crazy because Hawk has never seemed right in the head. I hear that his mom once encouraged him to get "help," but he wouldn't listen to her. I guess he didn't believe that he had a problem.

"What?" Logan whispers.

"Next Friday." I take a deep breath. "He wants to keep James until next Friday, then we can give him the money and get James back."

"A whole week?! Gustavo!" I've never seen Kendall panic like this before. Well, he'll only have to panic for a week, then I'll give Hawk the five million dollars and get James back.

* * *

**James's POV**

"Please!" I cry, resisting the urge to scream when Hawk kicks my ribcage. Instead, I clench my teeth and try to ignore the pain, but it's very hard to do. I'm starting to wish that he would kill me instead, but I also hope that he won't because I don't wanna leave my loved ones behind. Besides, I've got a lot that I wanna accomplish.

"Do you not know how to shut up?!" Hawk yells in my face. "My god, you're such a worthless peace of garbage!"

I sob as his fist makes contact with my face, watching as he walks to another room with his stupid (and scary) assistant. I attempt to stand, but I find that I'm in way too much pain to move. I guess I'll just have to wait and hope that someone saves me. I'm sure hoping that Gustavo can get that money.

Gosh, I'm _starving. _I haven't eaten since lunch. I wonder if Hawk has a stash of food. I know it's risky to eat anything of his, but it's worth the risk. My stomach is growling and I need to satisfy it. If I have risk my life to satisfy my stomach, I'll do it. Hunger will only make me feel worse. Maybe I can prevent a relapse if I can keep myself comfortable.

Slowly, I begin crawling away from the wall. Sadly, I don't get very far. I get to the middle of the room before Hawk walks out and storms over to me, yanking me up and dragging me back to my previous spot.

"Did I say you could move?!" He shouts at me.

"I'm hungry, okay?" I whimper. "It's driving my crazy."

"Okay, tie him up." Hawk grumbles to his assistant. Tears begin to fill my eyes as my arms and legs are tied up with rope and a strip of duck tape if placed over my mouth. Well, now I definitely won't be able to help myself.

"Listen to me, you worthless brat." He brings his face down to my level. "You are gonna sit here and you are gonna shut up while I figure out what to do with you. GOT THAT?!"

Fearing for my life, I nod, unable to even cry as he and the other guy disappear yet again.

* * *

For the next several hours, I'm forced to sit in silence and pure darkness, until daylight finally comes. I feel absolutely awful when I awaken after about three hours of asleep. The worst part is that I'm not in the comfort of my own bed, with Carlos laying in the bed across from me. I wanna go home! I just...I just wanna go home.

"Someone help me." I whisper. "Please help me."

"Good morning, _child_." Hawk smirks as he approaches me, something hidden behind his back. For a minute, I become excited because I immediately assume that it's food, but I'm quickly proven wrong with he reveals the long and sharp piece of metal. A knife...oh my god, he has a knife. I think I'm gonna be sick.

"Ready to have some fun, pretty boy?" He mockingly coos, kneeling beside me. I shake my head, squealing as he lifts up my shirt. I squirm violently until the other guy forces me into stillness, getting a tight hold on me. Next thing I know, I feel a fiery pain in my side and I emit a muffled scream.

"That's what Gustavo gets for ruining my life!" He violently twists the knife while it's still lodged in my side. I once again begin squirming, but that only makes the pain worse. I'm feeling lightheaded now, but I know that I must resist the urge to pass out. I'll just have to beg Hawk to stop the bleeding.

"Now speak!" He rips the duck tape away, returning my freedom to communicate.

"Please stop!" I beg, crying out as the pain flares up.

"Trust me, boy." He glares at me. "This is only the beginning."

* * *

**The song Gustavo was writing is "Featuring You" by Big Time Rush! :)**

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	3. Free

**There is a new OC in this chapter. She's one of James's hallucinations and her celeb lookalike is Ariana Grande (preferably from VicTORious season 1)**

* * *

**James's POV**

_"Worthless piece of garbage."_

_"Die! Die! DIE!"_

I awaken with a startled gasp, whimpering at the pain in my side. The van is parked in front of Hawk Records and Gustavo is waiting outside with Kelly, the guys, and Dominique. I'm bruised, bloodied up, tired, hungry, and scared. I can feel that something isn't right, but I don't know what that something is. Quite honestly, I don't even know if I wanna find out.

"Get out of the van." Hawk instructs, shoving me out of the vehicle. I yell as I hit the ground, the pain of my injuries flaring up. I shake violently as I lay on the ground, crying as Hawk roughly yanks me back up. "Gustavo! Do you have what I asked for?"

"Yep, five million dollars." Gustavo replies, handing him a briefcase. I hate the mischievous glint in his eyes, but I feel much better when he releases me from his gasp. I stumble forward and fall into Kendall's arms, crying.

_"They don't love you."_

_"They never have! They never will!"_

I cry harder, clinging to Kendall for protection. He lowers us both to the ground, tightening his arms around me. It seems like forever before Hawk _finally _gets in the van and leaves us alone. I can barely hear Kendall telling Gustavo to call an ambulance, while my voices scream at each other and me. If I could, I would kill myself right now. Since I haven't taken my medication since last week, the voices have returned.

"Jay, it's okay." Dominique whispers, rubbing my back. Is she serious? Life is so far from "okay." I've been trapped in my own personal hell for the past week with nothing but the voices to keep me company. I don't see how anyone can say "it's okay" when it's not.

"Honey, we're gonna get you to the hospital." Kelly's hand is on my shoulder. When I hear the word "hospital," I start flailing my arms and legs, and screaming, and crying. It takes Kendall and Carlos _both _hugging me for me to calm down.

"The ambulance is on its way!"

"Okay." Dominique breathes, kneeling beside me. When I pull my head away from Kendall, I notice a figure standing behind her, but it's no one that I've ever seen before. I think that she's a ghost. I wish I could talk to her, but I'd be deemed crazy if I started talking to thin air. I just wanna know who she is and what she wants!

"Jay, you're gonna get all patched up." Logan assures me. Well, he _attempts _to assure me, not that it works. The way I see it, _nothing _could possibly make me feel better.

"Yeah, the nice doctors are gonna help you." Carlos whispers. Dominique stroking my hair does a little to soothe me, but not much. I still wanna crawl in a hole and die. I mean, I'm relieved to be out of that hell hole, but I'm still scared and in pain.

The ambulance arrives in fifteen minutes. Fifteen _agonizing _minutes. I'm nearly asleep when two paramedics approach me, speaking to Gustavo as they place me on a stretcher. Oh god, my stab wound is bleeding again...My stomach is churning and it's aching.

"I wanna ride in the ambulance with him." Kendall firmly states.

"Fine, but only you."

I am soon lifted into the back of ambulance and Kendall sits beside me, taking my hand in his. Once again, the red haired girl appears, this time right beside me. I shake and shrink back, only relaxing when when she touches my hand. I feel tempted to ask what her name is, but I know that Kendall and the paramedic can't see her.

"I'm gonna put this gas mask over your face, okay?" The paramedic informs me. "It'll put you to sleep."

I'm actually grateful for this. When he places the mask over my face, I'm able to drift off to sleep and forget everything.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

_"This just in, James Diamond has been rescued after being kidnapped last week on the night of October 31. The news was reported after a witness found a shocking scene outside of Hawk Records. According to the witness, James-"_

"I don't wanna watch this." I grumble, turning the TV off. About twenty minutes after James was brought to the hospital, my mom and Katie arrived with Jo, Camille, Gabi, Lucy, and Stephanie. The last thing any of us need is to hear the media making James's troubles into entertainment for the public.

"My gosh, how long does surgery take?" Lucy groans, looking up at the boring white ceiling, we've all been here for at least four hours and we're incredibly tired, but we're not leaving until we see James. The doctor told us that no major organs were damaged by the stab wound, so James got lucky. Yeah, but he'll still have to deal with the trauma.

"Are the police gonna arrest Hawk?"

"I don't know, baby sister." I murmur, tapping my foot against the tile floor. To my relief, Doctor McCan enters a couple minutes later.

"We were able to stitch up his stab wound and we put him on morphine to ease the pain, so you may see him now." He instructs. "Only one visitor at a time, though. He's currently in the ICU."

"Kendall, why don't you go first?" Mom suggests. I'm out of my seat in an instant, not even giving anyone a chance to speak before I head down to James's room in the Intensive Care Unit. Right now, all I care about is seeing my best friend and being absolutely certain that he's okay.

* * *

**James's POV**

_"Hawk kidnapped you because you're weak."_

_"You're such a loser!"_

I moan, silently begging the voices to leave me alone. They came back a few days after I was kidnapped and they keep getting worse. I started out being tired and restless, then a few voices here and there, and now I'm hearing them way more than I should. I almost feel like vomiting due to the horror of it all.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

I take a deep breath, turning my head toward the doorway. I'm really glad that Kendall is the only person standing there. I really don't feel comfortable having a bunch of people visiting all at once. Besides, my other "friend" is here. At least I think she's my friend. I don't know who she is, but she seems nice.

"Hey, buddy." Kendall whispers, sitting beside my bed. "How are you feeling?"

"I...I...I...I feel like...like someone repeatedly threw me against a wall and shoved a jackhammer into my side." I respond, although my eyes are on the girl next to him. I think she understands my curiosity because she begins writing her name on the wall.

_KJ_

"KJ." I breathe out.

"What, bud?"

"Uh, nothing!" I quickly say, giving Kendall a timid smile. I soon become distracted again, watching as KJ tries to do a backflip and falls on her behind instead. I barely manage to stifle a life, but I don't think that's stopping Kendall from being confused by my behavior.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." I insist, closing my eyes. I flinch when he touches my shoulder, taking slow breaths to keep myself calm. I don't know how calm I can be while I'm stuck in the hospital, but breathing and thinking about something happy usually helps, at least a little bit. Of course, it becomes a little harder when there's a mysterious little red headed girl in the room.

_"You are worthless."_

Hey, that sounded like..."

"Oh, so I'm worthless?" I snap at Kendall.

"Jay, what are you talking about? I didn't say anything!" Kendall answers. I breathe in and out, muttering an apology. I honestly think he called me worthless. I _heard _him say it and he has the nerve to deny it? I just got away from Hawk today and my best friend is already turning on me? How can that be?

"I...I'm just tired." I lie. "I'm tired and I'm loopy from all the morphine."

"I understand, Jay." Kendall assures me. "I understand completely."

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

Other than the obvious bruising on his face, James looks really good. When I first enter his room, I find that he mostly just looks really tired and even a bit frightened. I guess it's hard _not _to be scared after being a kidnapping victim. Truthfully, I wish I could find Hawk and teach him a lesson, but most of my concern lies with James.

"Hey, handsome." I approach his bed, reaching for his hand.

"Hey." He whispers, looking at anything but me. I frown at this, but I'm gonna assume that the morphine is making him act a little...off. I was put on morphine in eighth grade when I broke my leg and I started acting all kinds of crazy. When I look back on it, it kind of freaks me out because I went as far as hitting on my _doctor_.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"What do you think?"

"Well, I'm gonna guess and say not so good." I respond, sitting on the mattress. My gosh, I wish I could take all his pain away. The wounds _and _the schizophrenia. Me? I'm a pyromaniac and I have an obsession with fire, but I don't know if that can compare to something like schizophrenia.

"Yep, you got it right."

"Um, good?" I move my hand to his hair, stroking the soft brown strands. You know, sometimes I hate having to share him with "Rushers." One girl practically attacked him at a BTR meet and greet, and I'm amazed that I managed to not cause any embarrassment to the guys or Gustavo.

"Hey, I'm kind of tired, so I'm gonna take a nap." He tells me. "You can stay if you want."

With a gentle smile, I get off the bed and move to a chair, watching as he drifts off to sleep. When I'm sure that he's sleeping, my smile begins fading from my face. There's no way that I can give a genuine smile when my guy is suffering.

* * *

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	4. Intimidated

**James's POV**

"Okay, I was told that you're suppose to take Abilify in the mornings." Serena places an Abilify pill in my hand, along with a glass of water. I have a little trick, though. Instead of actually taking the medication, I just hide it under my tongue, drink some water, and pretend to swallow! Why should I have to take medication when I don't even have a problem?

"Good, sweetie." Serena says before leaving the room. Then I stiffly get out of the bed and limp to the restroom, where I proceed to flush the pill down the toilet. I don't need this crap anymore, but everyone else thinks otherwise. Until they get that through their heads, I'll just have to keep this up.

"Ow!" I cry out, doubling over. I emit a weak gasp when KJ appears, grabbing me and helping me over to my bed. I still don't like hallucinations, but at least I've got one _good _one this time. Last year, it was all ghost, demons, and voices telling me that I should die. That's not to say that I'm not hearing bad voices this time. I'm hearing _a lot _of those.

_"It's a good thing that you didn't take that garbage! There's poison in it."_

I almost scream upon seeing my lookalike in a corner. Soon enough, he steps out of the shadows and shoves KJ out of the way, giving me an evil smile. He looks _exactly _like me. Mom didn't tell me that I have a twin! What the hell is going on? Okay, he's got his hand around my throat, but KJ is trying to stop him.

I scream out for help and I'm certain that my heart monitor is beating. Right away, a nurse hurries over to me, making a useless attempt at calming me. Doesn't she realize that this sick jerk tried to kill me? I keep flailing my arms until I feel a needle in my arm, which eventually relaxes me, even though I still feel anxiety deep down.

"Okay, what happened?" I vaguely hear Mama Knight ask, her voice firm.

"He must have had a nightmare." Serena explains. Then Mama Knight comes over to me and begins stroking my hair and whispering comforting words to me. KJ and my evil twin are screaming at each other at the same time, which is causing my headache to flare up. Combine that with the other voices in my head and, well, there's a big problem.

"You're fine, honey." Mama Knight takes my hand, while her other stays on my face.

Fine? Fine?! FINE?! Why do people keep telling me that I'm fine? James, you're fine! James, you're okay! Uh, no, I'm not okay! I spent a week being abused by Hawk and his stupid assistant. I should have let him kill me, but it never got that far. Maybe he _would_ _have_ killed me if I hadn't been so cooperative.

"Try to sleep, baby."

_"Don't listen to her!"_

_"Yeah, don't!"_

_"She wants to kill you in your sleep!"_

_"It's dangerous, James! Don't do it!"_

I whimper, focusing all my attention on the ceiling above me. Yeah, I'll just focus on the ceiling and _not _fall asleep. That's what I'll do. I _can't _fall asleep if it means that I might never wake up. Why would Mama Knight wanna hurt me, though? Did I do something wrong? I don't understand what I did!

"James, I'm gonna go and get the guys for you, okay?" She informs me. "Dominique will be here soon."

I nod, keeping my attention focused on the ceiling. It'll be a great day when I'm let out of here. Doctor McCan said that I'll most likely be here for at least two weeks, maybe longer depending on how well I recover. Well, I'll waiting for that day with anticipation, however long that might be.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"Mom, was he okay?"

"He had a nightmare." Mama Knight answers. "I think you guys should go and see him."

Frowning, Carlos grabs the handles of my wheelchair and begins pushing me down the hall to James's room. When we first get there, James is just...he's just laying in bed, seemingly oblivious to the world around him. I know how traumatizing the past week must have been, but this sight still scares me.

"Jay? How are you feeling?" Kendall lowers himself onto the mattress, while Carlos and I stay back. I _would _go over to him, but unlike everyone else in the room, I can't walk. However, I might see if I can get stem cell surgery soon, so that might change in the next few months. Yes, I've accepted my situation, but that doesn't mean that I'm happy about it.

Hmm, silence. James isn't even talking to us. I guess he's too out of it due to the sedative.

"Talk to us, buddy." Carlos encourages.

"Don't feel like it." James mutters. "I've gotta headache."

I look up at Carlos, nodding for him to push me forward. Within seconds, I'm right next to the bed. At first, I'm a bit reluctant, but I finally get enough courage to reach for his hand. He sort of flinches at first, but it's a relief when he finally relaxes. God, I hope Hawk gets what he deserves. He _needs_ to rot in prison. More importantly, _James _needs him to rot in prison.

"Shut up!" He suddenly yells.

"Who are you talking to?" Carlos wonders.

"N-nothing." James stutters. We all eye him suspiciously, but we never voice our concerns. James is already in a fragile state. The last thing he needs is to feel like people are interrogating him. No need to freak him out by questioning about things that are most likely very minor.

"Do you wanna watch some TV?" Kendall offers.

"If you guys want to." James mutters, pulling his blanket over his head. As much as I know we all wanna question him about this behavior, we don't. Kendall just grabs the remote and flips the television on, which gets a giggle out of Carlos when Spongebob shows up on the screen. I don't know if I'll ever understand his obsession with that cartoon.

"Turn it down."

"Um, okay." Kendall turns the volume down, just like James requested. I'll admit that his behavior does seem a little strange, but I'm assuming that it's the result of the kidnapping. You know, trauma and whatnot. After some therapy, he should be fine. At least I hope that'll be the case. I don't know if I can take another one of his schizophrenia meltdowns.

"Jay, are you-"

"Don't ask if I'm _okay_." He asks through gritted teeth. Carlos flinches at the harshness in his voice and I almost glare at him for being that way, but I immediately remind myself of the situation. Anyone in such a position would be a little cranky.

"Maybe we should turn the TV off for a while." The television is turned off and James relaxes right away. I can still see a lot of emotion in his eyes, but at least he's calmer than he was just a minute ago. I can only hope that he'll stay this way.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

"I'm so worried about him." Dominique murmurs as we enter Cedars Sinai.

"Hey, I am too." I reply, holding Gabi in my arms. It's exhausting concerning myself about _two _people, specifically James and my daughter. Gabi should be my number one priority, but now James is out of captivity, but suffering with injuries and mental trauma. I thought that things were _finally _getting better.

"I guess he'll be let out in a couple weeks."

I nod in response, letting Gabi's adorable gurgling. Unfortunately, anyone under the age of 13 isn't allowed to visit the ICU. So someone will have to stay down here with Gabi while Dominique and I visit James. Thankfully, Jo is already here and she volunteered to watch my precious little girl.

"Aww, hi!" She coos as I hand Gabi to her. A "fun" fact about Jo? She has paranoid schizophrenia just like James. When she first came to LA, she had just gotten out of a psychiatric hospital in North Carolina. A more recent incident occurred last year when she stopped taking her meds and attempted suicide.

"We're gonna be in the ICU, okay?" I remind her.

"Yeah, go ahead!"

Five minutes later, Dominique and I are standing at James's door. When the guys see us, they greet us with a "hi" and begin exiting the room, but not before I give my husband a kiss. Once I've done that, they leave us alone to visit James. The fact that he's staring at thin air sort of bothers me, but I'm sure it's nothing.

"Where's Gabi?"

"You have to be thirteen or older to visit the ICU." I smile, sitting on the mattress. Dominique greets him with a kiss on the cheek, which he happily accepts. I think it's great that he has a girlfriend that loves him so much. Dominique may be rude, obnoxious, and socially inappropriate, but she gives James the love he deserves.

"Anything interesting happen this morning?" She asks him.

"This is a _hospital_."

"Yeah..."

That earns a small chuckle from our injured friend, but it's really that genuine. If you look into his eyes, it's not hard to see fear and pain. James is one of my closest friends and I would love nothing more than to make his hurt go away. What can I do, though? I don't have the magic touch and all the doctors can do is give him medication.

"You look really exhausted." Dominique runs her fingers through his hair. "Try to get some sleep, okay?"

"I..I...I'm n-not tired."

Dominique and I look at each other, deep frowns on our faces. The minute she mentioned sleep, James seemed to tense up, as if she had suggested that he jump in front of a moving car. We're not sure whether we should brush it off or not.

* * *

**I'm actually very proud of this chapter:) And the story's gonna keep getting better:D**

**Review! :D**


	5. Wondering

**Yes! I finally got it posted! I hope it's as good as I think it is;)**

* * *

**James's POV**

_Date: November 14_

_Dear Journal,_  
_KJ has visited me every night this week, sometimes during the day. When she's not around, J2 is here to help the others make my life a living hell. KJ is the only one that seems to genuinely care about me. She talks to me, she sticks up for me against J2 and the other voices, and she even holds my hand when I'm in pain. She doesn't say much, though. I like her a lot, though. I feel safe when she's around._

_J2 is a different story. A few days ago, he actually tried to kill me. He put his hand around my neck and tried to choke me. Then some nurses injected me with a sedative (AKA poison) and he went away. I haven't slept in days. I can't because I'm almost certain that someone wants to kill me in my sleep. No one can be trusted these days._

_I think the TV has a secret camera installed to spy on me. That's why I usually stay hidden under the covers unless someone comes to visit me. Even then, I feel like someone is watching me. The other day, I was about to freak out because KJ and J2 kept screaming at each other._  
_I'm not crazy, though. I'm not sick either. I know I'm not._  
_Sincerely, James_

After locking my journal and hiding the key under my pillow, I glance over at the clock and discover that it's already 9:30 pm. Wow, I didn't know it was getting that late. I wish the guys were here, but they went back to the Palm Woods. I've been hoping that Logan and Camille would bring Gabi to see me, but you have to be thirteen or older to visit the ICU. It's aggravating, but I suppose that no one wants a three month old baby getting sick.

_"You're worthless, James."_

_"Worthless!"_  
"Shut up!" I whisper. I'm shaking right no because I'm so terrified. Maybe I'll feel safer once I'm back home. Mama Knight did say that I'll probably be discharged next week. That's a good thing, right? I think being alone makes me feel even worse, so I'll be better off once I'm at home. Of course, I can't be certain.

I whimper, squeezing my eyes shut as I sit up. Carefully, I move to the edge of the bed, slowly pushing myself to my feet. It hurts like hell, but staying in that hospital bed is driving me crazy. Now, where can I...on second thought, never mind. This hurts way too some difficulty, I return to my barely comfy bed. The voiced are still bugging me and I thought that walking might distract me, but it's not worth the pain.

_"You're gonna die soon."_

I emit another whimper, clutching at my hair. I don't wanna die! I wanna live and be a famous singer. I've even thought about trying acting! Why would anyone wanna take my dreams away from me? Now I know that I've gotta be even more cautious in order to protect my life and those I care about.

* * *

**Lucy's POV**

I've only visited James a few times since he was brought to the hospital. I guess hospitals and I just don't mix. I prefer to stay away from them if I can. However, I have major insomnia tonight, so I thought that I would visit my friend. With his injuries and mental illness, he needs a lot of attention.

I don't quite understand why he's staring at, well, nothing. The guys think he's just traumatized by the kidnapping. Maybe they're right. Although, I wouldn't be too sure since he has a history of schizophrenia. Since he went without his meds for a whole week, you never really know.

"I bet you're excited to leave this place, huh?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, definitely." I frown as I sit beside his bed. I see that someone brought him some clean clothes. I think that the South Pole tee shirt and grey sweatpants look really works for him. The only problem here is how distracted he looks. It's as if he barely knows I'm here.

"Do you want me to get you something to eat from the cafeteria?"

"No thanks."

Okay, since when does James turn down food? He normally loves eating (and working out). I'd really love an explanation, but I'm certain that he won't give me one. I've only known him for a little more than two years now (I think) and I've learned that he can be...stubborn.

I watch him for a few minutes, waiting for him to speak again, but he never does. He just keeps staring ahead, as if he sees something that I don't. I wonder if I should ask him what the deal is or if I should keep my thoughts to myself. The first option seems smarter, but the second option sounds safer.

"Maybe we should watch TV!" I suggest, reaching for the remote.

"I'm tired." James sighs, closing his eyes. Confused, I lay the remote back down. Something tells me that something's not right, but I can't bring myself to say anything about it.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"We're gonna visit Uncle James today." I coo, buttoning up Gabi's onesie. Mama Knight called the hospital and they're gonna wheel James down to the lobby, so he can visit with Gabi. He hasn't seen her in two weeks, but I know he really wants to. Maybe Gabi can cheer him up. I mean, he's been kind of...different ever since he was brought to Cedars Sinai. To be truthful, we're all kind of worried about him, but we don't say anything because we don't wanna upset him. I just hate not knowing what's going on.

"Babe, let's go." Camille peeks her head into the nursery.

"Coming!" I place Gabi in her carrier and hand it to my wife, then I begin wheeling myself out of the nursery. God, I hate the way this chair squeaks every time it moves. I hope that Mom is looking into that stem cell surgery. If that can happen, I'll be able to walk again. I've been like this for more than a year and I really wanna change it. I wanna walk and run and jump and _dance. _I wanna chase Gabi around the park when she becomes fully mobile. I don't want her to grow up wondering why her daddy can't walk.

I'm not the only one that needs change. James needs it too. He needs to get to a point where he feels happy and safe. I don't think he's in a very good place at the time. Every time the guys and I visit him, he seems so withdrawn. He barely talks to us, he barely smiles, he barely laughs, and it scares us. When will that start changing?

**Twenty minutes later**

When we enter the hospital cafeteria, James is sitting with Kendall, Jo, and Lucy at a table in a corner.

"Jay, someone wants to see you!" Camille happily places the carrier in an empty chair, lifting Gabi out of it. He smiles softly when our baby girl is placed in his arms, looking into her precious brown eyes. The silence is absolutely deafening, but I think Gabi wants to take care of that. She keeps babbling at James and he seems to answer back with no problem at all. I just don't understand why he'll be so talkative with her, but not with the rest of us. It almost makes me angry, but I always have my conscience telling me when it's okay to be angry and when it's not.

"Where did you get her outfit?" Jo asks, touching Gabi's hand.

"Baby's R Us." Camille replies, sitting next to James. We laugh whenever Gabi squeaks, even James. It's the first time in two weeks that any of us have seen him show any sign of happiness. Most of the time, he just lays in his bed, staring at nothing and sometimes freaking out until someone finally sedates him. No offense to him, but that doesn't seem like much of a life. That's why it'll be so nice when he gets out of here, so he can begin moving on and improving his quality of life.

"Whoa, princess, you can't touch that." Camille giggles when Gabi tries to grab a fork. It seems like her personality develops more and more every day. I already can tell that she's gonna be a bit of a diva. She can't do much at three months old, but she already knows how to get what she wants. When she wants attention, she'll scream at the top of her lungs until she gets it.

"Can I get a picture of you two for my scrapbook?" Jo asks James.

"Um, maybe later."

"Oh...okay? Yeah, later!"

Kendall and I both give James matching looks of curiosity, which he doesn't respond to. His attention is entirely focused on Gabi, who is chewing on the drawstrings of his hoodie. I would smile, but I can't when concern is my primary emotion. The doctor said that James has been taking his medication, though. Therefore, it sounds like there's no reason for the concern that I'm feeling. Maybe it's just paranoia and James is simply in the process of recovering from a traumatic kidnapping.

"You need a hug, pretty girl." He gives our daughter a gentle hug, his smile soon fading from his face. "Um, I'm gonna go to the restroom. Cam, could you take Gabi for me?"

"Sure." My life takes our baby girl into her arms, while James wheels himself away from the table. Now I'm not so sure if I'm being paranoid or not. I would like to think that, but sometimes the truth isn't always what you want it to be.

* * *

**If you review, I'll give you a virtual hug;)**


	6. Discharged

**James's POV**

_Date: November 22_

_Dear Journal,_

_I was discharged from the hospital today. Now I'm on my way back to the Palm Woods. I'll probably take a nap or something. Whatever I choose to do will definitely include me staying in my room for the rest of the day. If everyone else gets out of the apartment for a while, I might even be able to talk to KJ. She's sitting next to me right now, but I can't talk to her in front of Mama Knight._

_J2 and his posse haunt me every day. It amazes me how J2 looks exactly like me, yet he behaves so differently. I feel like he was sent straight from hell or something. He's evil, obviously. KJ protects me from him, though. He tried to hurt me the other day and KJ punched him in the face. I laughed and a nurse asked me about it, but I just lied and told her I was thinking about something funny that happened one time._

_I wonder what people would think if they knew about my voices. Would they think I'm crazy? Probably so. I always feel like they're judging me and watching my every move. I'm starting to wonder if they're spies sent to observe everything I do. Then there's the hidden cameras that have been installed in the apartment and the van. I can't see them, but I know they exist._

_I guess I better go now. We're at the Palm Woods._

_Sincerely, James_

"We're home!" Mama Knight cheerfully states, getting out of the van. I put my journal and its key in my gym bag, waiting for her to open my door. When she does, I have a hard time getting out due to the pain from my injuries, but I manage. It's far from easy, but I'm able to get out of the vehicle and walk to the entrance.

"You might want something to eat when we get to the apartment."

"Actually, I'm not feeling so great." I answer, staying close to her as we walk through the lobby. Why is everyone staring at me? Do they think I'm a freak or something? They keep watching me and whispering. I don't like it at all. When I look at KJ, she's watching me too. I wish that she would stop and do something about the others.

J2 is standing by Bitters's desk, holding a bloody knife. I gasp at the sight, then I hurry into the elevator with Mama Knight following close behind. I sink to the floor and huddle in a corner, shaking. I _need _to get to my room. I _need _to get away from all the people watching me. I need to get away from J2 and his...his minions.

"Hey, it's okay." Mama Knight soothes, kneeling front of me. I suddenly throw myself forward, throwing my arms around her. I don't think she even realizes how terrified I am. She probably thinks I'm crazy or traumatized. What if everything I'm seeing and hearing is 100 percent real? Maybe I'm not so crazy after all.

DING!

"Let's go." She whispers, helping me off the floor. I reluctantly exit the elevator, keeping my arms crossed protectively across my chest. Since I have no interest in seeing bugs or blood, I pull my hood over my head, making sure my eyes are covered.

"Okay, we're home!" Mama Knight opens the door, allowing me to enter 3S first.

"Jay, you're back!" Carlos yelps, throwing his arms around my waist. I unintentionally become tense, waiting for him to let go.

_"No one loves you!"_

_"They HATE you!"_

"I...I wanna be alone!" I hurry to mine and Kendall's shared bedroom, shutting the door and walking over to my bed. I crawl under the covers in a panic, pulling them over my head. I don't know how I've survived these past three weeks. Every day just feels like one big struggle. I wish I could make everyone understand that.

"Jay, you-"

"I'm fine, Kendall." I grumble. "I'm just fine."

* * *

"He's been in his room for four hours!"

"I know, but he's tired. He's just tired!"

I lean against the bedroom door, sweat dripping down my face. J2 is standing in the corner with that same bloody knife. All I wanna do is run, but I know I'll only be met with more questions. I could always try killing myself in order to escape, but there's a huge part of me that knows that my death would be devastating to those I care about.

_"You're gonna die tonight."_

_"You're gonna diiiieee..."_

I gasp, jumping lightly. I clutch at my hair as the voices become louder, begging for it to stop. It never does. In fact, the voices only become more violent and hate filled. In a desperate attempt to relieve myself, I grab a pair of scissors off the desk and begin making long cuts on my arms. It doesn't seem to relieve me at all! Maybe I need to-

"Jay? We're gonna go over to Logan and Camille's apartment!" Carlos informs me.

"Uh...yeah! Y-yeah, I'll be there in a minute!" I rush into the restroom, grabbing some towels and wiping the blood off my arms. It takes some time to make the bleeding stop, but that's really no problem. Once the blood is stopped, I just wrap some gauze around my arms and pull my sleeves down.

"You okay?" Carlos asks when I step out of the room.

"Of course!" I nod, taking a deep breath as we begin walking toward the door. Katie is looking at me with that all too familiar look of curiosity, but I don't pay much attention to it. I mean, why pay any attention to a thirteen year old girl? She can't determine whether or not there's something wrong with me.

No one can.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"So you found someone that'll do it?"

"Yeah, he's located in New York City and he does stem cell surgeries!"

Knock! Knock!

"Mom, call me back later and we'll talk about it more, okay?"

"Okay, baby."

"Love you." I say before hanging up the phone. I start to wheel Gabi and myself out to the living room, but Camille's already answering the door. I guess I'll just stay in the nursery with my little girl until I'm asked to join them. Besides, Gabi keeps throwing her little hat off her head. I don't think she wants to wear a hat today.

"Gabi, you don't wanna wear a hat?" I coo, kissing her cheek. To my amusement, she ends up _chewing _on the hat instead, getting it wet with her baby slobber. She squeaks when I try to take the hat away, tightening her grip on it. My goodness, she's only four months old! Where did she get all this sass from?

"Logan!" Camille calls.

"Let's see what your aunts and uncles are up to." I wheel out of the room and down the hallway until I reach the living room. Carlos, her godfather, immediately takes her from me and kisses her cheek. Since he was always there for me after I was assaulted, Cam and I both felt like he deserved the title.

James is completely silent for whatever reason, but he seems happy to see Gabi. She seems happy to see him too. When her eyes meet his, she gets the cutest little smile on her face. I'm pretty certain that James is smiling too, which is great since he hardly smiles at all these days. Seriously, he appears like a zombie most of the time.

"You wanna go to Uncle James?" Kendall asks her. She squeals, earning laughter from every single person in the room. She's soon handed over to James, who kisses her cheek.

"Hey, great news! My mom found a doctor in New York City that can perform stem cell surgery!" I announce.

"That's great!" Mama Knight kisses my cheek, but Carlos practically attacks me with hugs. The same goes for Kendall. Whoa, I think I'm suffocating. They're hugging me so tight that I might pass out if they don't let go.

"Guys-" I gasp, relieved when they _finally _back off.

"Are you really gonna let a stranger cut you open?"

"Jay, it's just surgery." I assure him. "I might be able to walk again."

"Yeah, what's the big deal?" Kendall frowns. "You're acting totally crazy about this whole thing!"

Well, I think that was the wrong thing for him to say. James's eyes narrow as he hands Gabi to Camille, obviously struggling to keep his breathing steady. We watch worriedly as he rubs the back of his neck and takes in a breath.

"Crazy? Is that what you think I am?"

"Jay, I-"

"No, just forget it!" James yanks the door open and storms out, leaving us all to stay here and wonder what just happened. As much as I hate to accuse anyone of anything, I can't help seeing the resemblance between _this _and what went down last year.

* * *

**Well, Logan got some good news and James is losing it:/ **

**For those of you who want a Journey update, I will be posting a new chapter later:D**  
**Review! :D**


	7. Doubt

**Kendall's POV**

"Okay, what was that?" Yep, Katie's just as confused as the rest of us. Why did James freak out like that? Doesn't he know what this surgery means for Logan? It means that he might walk again after all. I thought that James would be happy. I honestly don't understand what his deal is. For the past three weeks, he has taken a turn for the worse. I hope he's been taking his medication...

"I'm gonna talk to him." In an instant, I walk out the door and follow James. For a while, I stay back just to observe him, then he clutches his side and doubles over in pain. I know he's still recovering from a stab wound and shouldn't be roaming the hotel like this. He should be _resting, _he's not doing at the moment.

"Jay!" I gently grab him, leading him over to a couch across from the elevators. Whenever I reach out to him, he just flinches away. Now I'm _really _worried. When he's on his meds, he doesn't act like this.

"Don't...don't t-touch me."

I slowly pull my hand away, watching him. I don't know what to think right now. All I know is that _something _isn't right. Now, if I only knew what that something is. I just hope to God that he's not having another mental break. I've accepted that his schizophrenia will always be a part of his life, but I've begun to accept it. I just want him to live a somewhat normal life.

"Jay..." I once again try to touch his shoulder, but he still doesn't want any of that. I'm sort of annoyed, but more worried than anything else. Okay, I won't touch, but I'm gonna talk whether he likes it or not. "Jay, do you have any idea how important this surgery is for Logan? It could give him the-"

"They're gonna cut him open, Kendall!" James snaps. "They're gonna cut him open with a bunch of evil instruments and _destroy _him!"

"Jay, no! This doctor is gonna _help _him."

"You don't understand, okay? I guarantee you that this guy has other ideas! He wants to trick Logan into _thinking _he's a real doctor when he's actually a psychotic killer that likes to cut up innocent people like us!"

Great, delusions. Another sign of relapse. The bad part? I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. I don't think you can have some over 18 hospitalized against their will unless they prove to be a danger to themselves and others. So far, James hasn't really done anything to harm anyone. Does this mean that we'll have to wait until he does something _really _dangerous?

"Listen to me," I firmly state. "That doctor is not gonna hurt Logan. He's gonna fix him so he can walk again."

Suddenly, James hurries over a trashcan and begins vomiting into it, probably out of anxiety. When he gets himself too worked up, he ends up making himself sick. We've all tried to discourage that, but his anxiety is a major problem and not very easy to fix. Let me tell you, I would make his pain go away in a heartbeat if I could.

"Hey, it's okay." I rub his back, cringing at the coughing and gagging coming from my best friend. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest right now. James is clearly struggling and there's nothing I can do to help him. In other words, I feel helpless...and hopeless.

"Just take me back to the apartment."

Slowly, I guide him away from the trashcan and down the hallway, taking my concern with me.

* * *

**James's POV**

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No" I murmur, grabbing my journal. It's the one place where I can vent my thoughts and not be ashamed. That's why I'd really like for Kendall to get out of our room and stop watching me like a freaking security guard. There were enough guards at the mental hospital. I really don't need that kind of surveillance in my own home.

"Um, whatever. I guess I'll check on you later, okay?"

"Whatever." I reply, relieved when the door _finally _closes. I take a deep breath and open the journal, grabbing my favorite pen. I don't exactly appreciate when KJ looks over my shoulder, but I don't say much about it. I just put my pen to the paper and gladly say what's on my mind.

_Date: November 22_

_Dear Journal, _

_I need to vent. Seriously, I'm freaking out. Logan announced that he's getting stem cell surgery, but I don't trust it one bit. A complete stranger cutting him open? Is he crazy? Does he have any idea how dangerous that could be? What if the doctor isn't even a real doctor? What if he's an assassin hired to kill Logan? Doesn't anyone realize the possible consequences of this decision?_

_Even KJ thinks it's a bad idea. J2 is excited, but KJ thinks that it's a terrible idea. She thinks that he'll end up dead if he goes to that doctor. If I knew a way to stop him from going, I would, but I'm completely powerless. Logan is absolutely determined to get that surgery._

_Oh, Kendall thinks I'm crazy! When I mentioned my concerns, he accused me of being crazy. How dare he imply such a thing! If I were crazy, I would know. I'm completely sane! I know I am! I don't know what gave him the idea that I'm anything else. Quite honestly, I think this schizophrenia thing is a bunch of BS. Yeah, I hear voices and others don't, but who's to say what's normal and what isn't? Who is anyone to judge another human being?_

_All I know for sure is that I'm getting sick and tired...of everything._

_Sincerely, James_

By the time I finish the entry, I'm sobbing. Tears are rolling down my cheeks like raindrops and I feel like my whole body is on fire. Oh my god, what if I really am on fire?! Once that thought pops into my mind, I run straight to the shower, not even bothering to remove my clothing.

_"You're gonna drown!"_

_"Do you wanna die, James? Do ya?!"_

"Stop!" I plead, clutching at my hair. Since I really don't wanna drown, I stumble out of the shower after only five minutes, soaking wet but not caring one bit. I feel absolutely disgusted when I see my reflection in the bathroom mirror, almost wishing that I could punch myself as a form of punishment for being so _worthless._

_"Ugly piece of garbage."_

_"That's all you are, James!"_

_"That's all you'll ever be!"_

I shake my head, backing away from the mirror. I look so much different than the person I once was. I don't like being like this. I just wanna be normal, but I'm not. For whatever reason, I was designed to be a "ugly piece of garbage" as my voices call me. That's all I'll ever be. That's all I've ever been.

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

"Let me in, dorks!" I swear, I will knock on this door until someone answers. They know that too. I've been at Rocque Records all day and I've been worried sick about James. I've called Kendall numerous times throughout the day and I _know _that he lied when he said that James is fine. Hey, I'm not stupid!

"Hey-"

"Can I please see my boyfriend?" I ask with false politeness, crossing my arms. Kendall gives me an adorably sarcastic smile in response, stepping aside so I can finally see James. I was expecting to see him watching TV and stuffing his face with Oreos, but that's not what he's doing at all. He's just...he's just laying on the couch and staring at the TV, which isn't even turned on!

"Jay, you there?" I tease, kneeling beside him.

"Hmm?"

"You heard me, silly." I poke his tummy, but he makes no move to respond. I don't know why he's being like this and all Kendall gives me is a shrug. I'm gonna assume that he doesn't know what's going on either. Ugh, I just want an answer! I wanna know why my boyfriend is acting so...so off!

"Look, I'm tired, okay?" He murmurs. "Just leave me alone."

"Um, okay..." I get up, watching him for a minute before storming over to Kendall. I don't mean to act like a total ass, but my own boyfriend is scaring me. Who else knows him better than his best friend? I _would _say his mom, but she's dead. She was in a fatal car accident last year. That's a different story for a different time, though.

"Please tell me that he's been taking his meds." I growl.

"I thought he was!"

"Does _that _look like a stable, medicated person to you?" I whisper, frantically pointing at James. Now he has his face buried in the pillow and he's laughing for reasons unknown to Kendall and I. I'm actually scared to question this odd behavior. Considering his mental health history, it's hard to know how he might respond.

"Well, no, but-"

"Listen, Kendall Donald Knight, he is freaking me out! I want you to make absolutely sure that he takes his meds, okay?"

"Okay, don't kill me!"

"Ugh, I'm not gonna-"

"I was joking, princess."

"Oh, shut up."

* * *

**Well, I was feeling kind of lazy today:P Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D**

**Review! :D**


	8. Run

**James's POV**

"I just wanna feel your body right next to mine. All night long, baby, slow down the song..."

"She looks like a wannabe Britney Spears!" Kendall complains.

"Shut up, monkey dog!"

"Aww, you haven't called me a monkey dog in forever!"

I would laugh, but I'm not really in a laughing mood. The voices are still taunting me and they haven't stopped all morning. I'm so close to having a nervous breakdown that it's not even funny. KJ is the only reason that I haven't snapped, but even she's losing her protective hold over me. It seems like I get more and more unstable as the days go by.

"I'm rehearsing, ya'll!" Dominique laughs before continuing her routine.

"Jay, you're sweating." Carlos frowns. I shrug in response, burying my head in my arms. I'm getting really tired of all these questions. It seems like there are new ones every single day. The most common? 'James, are you okay?' Yep, I hear that one way too much. It's getting to a point where I wanna scream and tell the offender to shut the hell up.

"Guys, you're g-" Kelly starts.

"Actually, do you think you could start without me?" I request. "I'm not feeling so great."

Before anyone can comment, I get up and leave without saying a single word. J2 is following me and I soon find myself _running _out the door. Unfortunately, I must have forgotten about my celebrity status. Yeah, there are paparazzi outside the studio, waiting for me. Then, before my very eyes, their faces morph into demons, one of my worst fears.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I scream, pushing through the crowd.

"JAMES, ARE YOU GOING CRAZY AGAIN?!"

"YOU BASTARD!" I roar, ripping his camera from his hands. I don't even care about the possibility of a lawsuit. I just wanna make him and his buddies pay for invading my privacy and _ruining my life._

Now they're screaming at me, throwing way too questions at me. Tears begin filling my eyes and I don't know how to get out of this situation.

_"They wanna kill you, James!"_

I scream, clawing at my hair. I gasp for air, my mind spinning. I'm desperate now, so I push through as fast as I can and run far away from them. It seems like forever before I find a safe place; an old, abandoned building that many people go to feed their addictions. A lot of drug addicts come here.

_"You're a waste of space!"_

Cigarette...

Then the lighter...

Put the cigarette between my teeth...

Light up...

And smoke.

Hmm, I thought that a little nicotine would help me, but it doesn't seem to be having any effect at all. I need something stronger, like alcohol or drugs. I'll leave that as my last resort, though. Maybe I just need to give the nicotine a few minutes. It always seemed to work last year, unless I was having a particularly bad day.

_"You shouldn't even be alive, you know that?"_

"Wow, you are really pathetic." J2 snorts.

"Shut up!" I yell, backing up until I hit the wall. I cry out when the pain in my side flares up, begging for the suffering to stop. I...I've gotta get out of here. I'm gonna end up screwing up big time if I don't get as far away from Los Angeles as possible. Anyway, I'm clearly not a safe person to be around. I already smashed a photographer's camera.

_"You should get hit by a bus!"_

I drop the cigarette instantly, putting it out and hurrying out the back door. I've gotta get away from her, if only to save my life and those around me. Others may not agree with this sudden decision, but I don't really give a damn about anyone else's opinions. I'm doing this for my own good and that of the people I care about.

_"We're coming for you!"_

"No, you're not!" I say through my teeth, running down the sidewalk. No matter how many times they say so, they'll _never _get me.

* * *

**Gustavo's POV**

"Anyone wanna explain why the dog just walked out?!"

"I have no idea!" Carlos insists.

Look, I don't live with those dogs and have no idea what goes on at home, but I _know_ that something isn't right with James. The other day, he went to the restroom and Kendall found him just sitting on the bathroom floor, staring at absolutely nothing! Come on, can you tell me that there's anything remotely normal about that? Probably not!

"Just go and look for him, okay?" Kelly instructs.

"You stay here with Dominique!" I get out of my seat. "I'm going with them."

"I knew you liked us." Kendall snorts. I give him the coldest look I can muster, since I refuse to admit that I like those dogs. Yes, they're dogs. All talent ARE DOGS! Now, onto more important things, such as finding the schizophrenic monkey dog and making him take his special medicine!

"Say that again and I will hurt you."

"Suuurrre."

"LET'S FIND JAMES!" I shriek. Kendall is really testing my patience. Then again, when doesn't he?

* * *

**James's POV**

_"You should be dead!"_

_"No one loves you!"_

_"You're gonna die!"_

"Sir? Sir! Sir!"

"Um, what?" A middle aged waitress is looking down at me. I didn't notice at first because I'm too destructed by the winged monster circling the restaurant. There's a part of me that knows he can't be real, but he looks so real that I'm starting to wonder if "reality" is a big lie. Maybe the reality that everyone else knows isn't really reality.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright." The waitress replies. "You've been sitting out here for two hours."

"I...I'm okay." I lie. "I'm fine."

"It's hot outside! You should come inside."

Although I'm initially reluctant, I end up following her into the fast food restaurant. I could really use something to eat, but I can't stop thinking that my meals are being poisoned. Lately, my food has been tasting different and it just makes me question the trustworthiness of the person making it.

"I don't have any money for food, you know."

"Tell you what, I'll feed you for free." She informs me before walking to the kitchen. I take a deep breath as I sit in one of the booths, looking around. I can feel all eyes on me and I don't like it one bit. Honestly, why are they doing this to me? What do they want from me?! Are they waiting for me to screw something up?

_"They're watching you!"_

_"They want you dead!"_

Gosh, why do I suddenly feel sick to my stomach? I can only think of one solution. I might just "borrow" some money from Mama Knight and get myself a hotel room. That way, I can stay out of the public eye and be completely alone. As of right now, that sounds like the most appealing option.

"Here, I made you a cheeseburger." The waitress sits a plate in front of me, along with a drink. I quietly thank her, taking a sip from the cup. It's Coca Cola, but it doesn't taste like it usually does. Oh yeah, this woman definitely poisoned it.

"Um, do you think I could have a to-go box?" I ask her. "I'm sort of in a hurry."

"Of course!" She states, grabbing me a box from the counter. I give her a polite smile, but it fades as soon as her back is turned. In a hurry, I place the cheeseburger in the box, then I get up and rush out of the restaurant. I'll never understand why I even considered trusting anyone.

* * *

**This chapter was a little shorter, but I figured that this would be a good place to stop:) The next chapter will be longer and it'll focus on Gustavo and the guys looking for (and finding) James! :)**

**Review! :D**


	9. Shattered

**Katie's POV**

"KATIE?! KATIE? KATIE!"

"Ugh..." I groan, saving my Nintentogs game and shutting my 3DS down. I don't know what those dorks are screaming about. I was having a relaxing day, but they just had to show up and disturb me. Look, don't bother me unless it's an emergency, okay? I enjoy my "happy time" and that doesn't include being disrupted.

"Katie, James is missing!" Kendall stumbles into my room.

Okay, now _that's _a problem.

"What?!" I whisper, although a bit on the loud side. I may be only thirteen, but even I know that an injured and mentally ill person doesn't need to be roaming the streets, especially not alone! I swear, I will destroy anyone that tries to harm him. Trust me, I know all about retaliation. I have a lot of "techniques" that I'm not afraid to use.

"We were at Rocque Records and he just walked out!" Logan adds.

"Did he stop here anytime?" Carlos frowns.

"No..." I reply, grabbing my phone.

"What are you doing?" Kendall questions.

"I track James's phone with GPS." I shrug, turning the iPhone 4S on. I can practically feel the confused looks coming my brother and his friends, but it's a relief that they're not questioning me about it. Look, James has a serious condition and I simply wanna know where he is...just in case?

"Um, Katie?"

"Yes, Logan?"

"Why are you tracking James's phone?"

"Just because." I shrug, nodding slowly as I watch the screen. Hmm, it shows that he's at the Miyako Hotel. Why would he be at a hotel? Ugh, I hope that he didn't trash any hotel rooms, like the guys did when their All Over The World tour stopped in London. Seriously, they trashed that room like nobody's business.

"Okay..." I murmur. "Guys, he's at the Miyako Hotel!"

"WHERE'S THAT?!" Gustavo screams. I mutter under my breath, practically shoving them all out of the room. We need to get to James before he hurts himself. Without his medication, he's a danger to himself and others, so he needs to be found before something goes seriously wrong. As much as I wish I could trust him, it's hard to do that.

"Katie, how do you know-"

"Shut it, big brother."

"But-"

"Let's go!"

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Ma'am, did James Diamond check in?" Gustavo asks the manager.

"I believe so." The woman replies, looking at the computer screen. "He checked into room 302, on the third floor."

"Thanks!" I respond before we hurry toward the elevator. Okay, room 302, here we come. Gosh, I hope that James is okay. The last time he had a psychotic meltdown, he tried to jump off the Palm Woods roof. My chest is tightening and my breathing is getting heavy because I'm terrified that we'll find James dead.

"What do you think he's doing?" Carlos asks as we enter the elevator. I shrug, pressing the 3rd floor button. James has to be okay, right? Maybe he's completely calm and resting in bed. Yeah, that's surely the case. There's no way that James is irresponsible enough not to take his meds! He knows how much he needs them, right?

**Five minutes later**

"James!" We all shout, running to the door. I'm the first to knock rapidly, inhaling and waiting for James to answer. He's not answering...okay, that's it!

"Carlos, ram the door down."

"You got it!" Carlos taps his helmet before walking to the opposite side of the hallway. With a yell, he runs forward, successful busting the door down. I'm sure that we'll be asked to pay for the damage, but Gustavo has plenty of mine. Now, to find our sick friend. He's stumbling all over the balcony, seeming to be a little tipsy.

"James?" Katie asks, her eyes full of worry.

"Hey!" He slurs, stumbling back inside. I fear that he might fall on his face, so I instantly grab him. The way he laughs isn't pleasant, mostly because it's not a _real _laugh. It's a combination of intoxication and insanity. His genuine laugh is something everyone talks about (in a positive light), but this just reminds us that he's falling off his rocker.

"They're coming for me." He chuckles. "They are coming for all of us."

"Jay, what are you talking about?" I wonder.

"Jay, we're taking you to the hospital." Logan states, his voice firm.

"No!" James's voice is panicked and I feel really bad, but I'm afraid that we have no other choice. He _needs _help that we just can't give him. It kills me to say that, but it's true. The way I see it, our best choice would be to have him hospitalized again. He may not like the idea, but it'll benefit him in the long run.

"Jay, it's okay." I say in a quiet voice. "We're gonna help you."

"I don't need help!" He yells, pulling out of my grasp. We watch in horror as he grabs a knife, pressing it to his wrist. All eyes are wide, especially because James keeps putting more pressure on his wrist. I use this opportunity to pass my phone over to Carlos, assuming that he knows what to do.

"Jay, you don't have to do this." I say, reaching out to him.

"Don't touch me." He says through his teeth. "Don't even _think _about it."

"They'll be here in five minutes." Carlos whispers just a few minutes later. "We just need to keep him calm."

Looking at James, I'm not sure if keeping him calm will be easy. I can see blood beginning to trickle from his wrist, along with the tears falling from his eyes. I've seen a lot of scary and disturbing stuff in my life, but I don't know if anything could compare to this.

* * *

**Gustavo's POV**

"LET ME GO!" James screams as he is strapped to a stretcher. Katie is crying in Kendall's arms and I _almost_ feel like crying myself. The poor kid is absolutely terrified and it breaks my heart, which isn't usually broken very easily. Look, I really do care about these dogs and I hate seeing them in pain or in harm's way.

"I WANNA DIIIEEE!"

I flinch when I hear _that _sentence. He can't mean that, right? I know these boys and James is usually a really happy guy that loves life. I can't imagine him truly wanting his life to end. Wasn't becoming a famous musician _his _dream? He's living his dream, so why would he wanna give up now? The way I see it, the adventure's only beginning!

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" He shouts at us. "YOU JUST COULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE, COULD YA?!"

Is it bad that I feel relieved when they put the gas mask over his face? Because the stuff knocks him out almost instantly. However, there is a lot that I'm still concerned about. For example, what if the paparazzi get a picture of him being wheeled to the ambulance? I don't know if I really want them knowing about his relapse yet.

"I guess...I guess we'll go to the hospital." Logan whispers, wheeling himself out of the room.

Wow, I'm _really _depressed now.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"Seriously?" Camille gasps.

"Yeah," I nod, holding Gabi on my lap. "He just grabbed this knife and held it to his wrist, while Carlos called 911."

You know, I think Gabi has zero awareness of what's going on. Lucky for her, she gets to live in her own little world. Meanwhile, the rest of us are worried sick about James and his mental health. I mean, seeing him practically threaten suicide right in front of us? I don't think I'll ever forget that.

"I'm sure he'll be okay." Camille gently rubs my shoulder, kissing my cheek. Gabi makes her cute little baby noises, which gets a tiny smile out of me. She keeps trying to put her fist in her mouth, which is pretty amusing. I'd be a lot happier if James was in a healthy state of mind, but he's not and that _really_ bothers me.

"Well, he's being kept under a 5150 psychiatric hold." Mama Knight walks into the waiting room, bags under her eyes. I feel bad that she's having to deal with this, but things will only get better if James is hospitalized and _forced _to get help.

"Guys, look at the TV!" Kelly yelps, hurrying over to us.

**"BREAKING NEWS: JAMES DIAMOND HOSPITALIZED JUST HOURS AFTER REPORTEDLY ATTACKING A PAPARAZZI PHOTOGRAPHER."**

Underneath the headline, there's video of James screaming at the paparazzi and throwing one of their cameras down. That happened when he left Rocque Records! Why didn't any of us know about this sooner? Ugh, I'm so confused and so very tired. It seems like the only positive things in my life at the moment are my wife, daughter, and impending stem cell surgery.

"Unbelievable!" Gustavo shrieks.

"Has anyone seen him yet?" Camille asks, taking Gabi into her arms.

"Not yet." Mama Knight shakes her head, sitting beside Camille. She occupies herself with playing with Gabi, who clearly likes the attention. You see? This is exactly why I never want James to watch Gabi alone. If he's capable of hurting himself, who's to say that he's not capable of harming someone else? Like Gabi, for example!

"Hey, where are Kendall, Katie, and Carlos?"

"Cafeteria." Mama Knight says in response to my question. I nod slowly, taking a deep breath and trying to focus my attention on my daughter. She's always a good source of comfort, since she's so cute and whatnot. However, I still can't get my mind off James. Until he's stabilized, he'll all any of us will be able to think about.

* * *

**Review! :D**


	10. Afraid

**James's POV**

"Mmmm..." I groan as I awaken, slowly opening my eyes. My location doesn't immediately register in my mind, but it doesn't take me too long to figure it out. Of course, they had me _hospitalized _again. I still feel heavily medicated too, so I don't have the strength to throw a monster sized tantrum.

"What the hell?" I slur, my eyes darting around the room. Is anyone gonna stop by to make sure that I'm okay? I see nurses and doctors in the hallway, but no one else. Then I look my right arm and notice the bandage around my wrist. I would _really _appreciate if someone would explain what happened.

Knock! Knock!

"Hey, bud."

No...

I watch as my "dad" walks in, as if he has any right to do that. For a while last year, he did pretty good at supporting me, then my mom died and he went right back to pretending that I don't exist. That was the final nail in the coffin. I don't think I can ever have a real relationship with him.

It seems like I'm the only one I can trust.

"W-what are y-you d-d-doing here?" I stutter, shrinking back. I'm too weak to move very much, but I would love to get up and _run_. Of course, that probably wouldn't work in my favor. If I even try to set foot outside this room without supervision, _someone _will surely grab me and strap me to this stupid hospital bed.

"I saw the news.'

I huff, staring at the wall.

_"You are such a failure."_

_"You should be dead right now!"_

_"You couldn't even kill yourself!"_

I take deep breaths and close my eyes, feeling my sanity slipping away. The voices are right. I _am _a failure. I'm too stupid to even succeed in taking my own life. If I weren't such an idiot, I wouldn't be suffering right now. I could express this to my "father," but he doesn't deserve to have me confide in him.

The anxiety is getting to me big time. Before I even realize it, I begin digging at my arms with my fingernails, whimpering. My dad stops me, though, gently grabbing my wrists and pulling my arms apart. Why is he pretending like he cares? I know he doesn't! Not really, anyway. He may pretend that he cares, but I know him far too well to believe that he has any genuine concern about me.

"Can I just be alone? I'm tired and I just wanna sleep."

"You sure you don't-"

"No!" I say, my voice urgent. To my relief, he soon disappears from the room, leaving me to try my best to calm down, although it's a difficult thing to do.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"You've been taking your meds, right?" I ask as Jo and I walk toward James's room.

"Trust me, I have." She insists. You see, Jo has schizophrenia too, only hers is a lot more under control than James's is. She's able to function quite well in society, but James is struggling. I can only hope that he'll get to a more positive place in his life. He has tons of potential, but it's potential that he won't be able to reach unless he cooperates and agrees to accept help.

"I hope that James gets better." I murmur, approaching the entrance to James's room.

"Yeah." Jo sighs. I stand in the doorway for a moment, just watching my best friend. James doesn't seem the least bit aware of my presence. The doctor told us that he's pretty sedated, in order to keep him calm. He's under a 5150 psychiatric hold, so he's considered a danger to himself and others.

"They're thinking about putting him under a 5250." I inform her. "Meaning that his stay might be extended past the 72 hours that a 5150 permits."

Jo merely nods, watching James. I give her a short kiss before I step into the room, reluctantly approaching my buddy's bed. James seems anxious when he first notices me, fidgeting. When he's on his meds and in a stable state of mind, he doesn't behave like this. Doesn't he realize that I don't wanna harm him?

"M-my d-dad showed up."

"What?" I gasp, sitting beside his bed. "How can he come here after he practically abandoned you?"

"I d-d-don't even know." James stutters, inhaling. Part of me just wants to reach out to him, hold on, and never let go, but another part of me wants to keep my distance. I don't really know what to do anymore. There's so much that we could be happy about, like Logan and Camille's baby daughter or the possibility of Logan walking again, but instead we're in the hospital psych ward with James.

"Why did you stop taking your meds?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why...did...you...stop...taking...your...meds?"

"What makes you think I _haven't _been taking them?"

"Don't play dumb!" I scoff, glaring at him. "You know you haven't been taking your meds! Now look where you are! We have better things to do, but we're here because you and your constant lying and denial!"

"You don't _have _to be here, you know."

I shoot him a dirty look, getting out of my seat. You know, he's right! I _don't _have to be here. Quite frankly, I'm sick of dealing with him and his inability to accept responsibility for his actions. I know he can't help having schizophrenia, but he can choose how he deals with it. For example, he could have chosen to take his meds, but he didn't.

"I'm done here." I grumble. "Let me know when you decide to get your act together."

"RIGHT BACK AT YOU!" James yells. Huffing, I turn around and exit the room, slamming the door behind me. I can feel Jo's eyes on me, but I'm too infuriated to acknowledge her. I need to cool off before I end up going back and giving James a good punch in the face. Violent much? Yeah. Do I care? As much as I hate to admit it, I do.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"Just go to the hospital."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because hospitals make me sad." I pout, crossing my arms. Stephanie and I are hanging out at her apartment and she has been "encouraging me" to go and visit James. Well, I'm not ready to do that. Look, James is like a brother to me, but i'm not ready to see him. Not after the incident in the hotel room.

"But he needs his friends."

"Yes, but he also lied to us and held a knife to his wrist when we confronted him." I reply, stubbornly crossing my arms. No matter what she says, I refuse to set foot in the hospital until I feel ready to do so. That's right! No matter how many times Stephanie lectures me about standing by my friends, I'm not going anywhere near Cedars Sinai.

"I'm pretty it's his mental illness causing him to do that stuff."

"Yeah, but he could have taken his meds like he was suppose to." I retort, sticking my nose in the air. Stephanie rolls her eyes, smacking the back of my head. By the way, we're not really dating. I wanna make her my girlfriend, but I'm way too nervous to ask her out on a date. Lucy thinks that I should suck it up and ask her out, but I just can't do it.

"You're something else, you know that?"

"And what is that suppose to mean?"

"You know what I mean!"

I give her a sarcastic smile, getting off the couch and walking to the kitchen. I think a corn dog will relax me. Corn dogs always make me feel better. Logan thinks that I should stop relying on food to soothe me, but he doesn't know anything. Besides, I'm a hockey player, so I don't have to worry about gaining weight!

"Maybe I should get Dominique to smack some sense into you."

"Wow, I'm terrified." I answer flatly as I prepare a corn dog. Sorry, but I'm not scared of James's psychotic girlfriend. She's not as intimidating as she tries to be. Quite frankly, she's actually a little princess. She'd probably throw a fit if I said that to her face, not that I'd care. Nope, I'd just sit back and _laugh._

"Hmm, I smell sarcasm." Stephanie smirks. I stick my tongue out, finally removing the corn dog from the microwave. I take a huge bite, sighing with relief. Yep, corn dogs are the answer to everything, despite what Logan might say. Trust me, corn dogs fix _a lot of things. _They might not fix James, but they're pretty helpful for other problems.

"You got that right." I point at her, smiling. I hope she'll let this James thing go. I'll visit him when I'm ready, but I need time to recover from what I witnessed. It was the scariest thing I think I've ever witnessed. When I saw that blood oozing from his arm, I felt like I was gonna puke. I don't know how I managed to call 911.

"Okay, I won't make you go to the hospital, but I hope you'll do it soon." She tells me. "I saw the story on TMZ and I feel kind of bad for him. He needs lots of support if he's gonna get better."

I nod slowly, actually agreeing with her. I know exactly what she means, but I'm not how to give him support if he won't accept it. I guess I'll just have to keep hoping that everything will work out. It usually does, so maybe it'll work out this time as well.

* * *

**Wow, kind of a sad chapter:/ Of course, who doesn't love a little drama? I sure do! :D**

**Review and I'll give you a virtual hug:D**


	11. Breakaway

**Dominique's POV**

"Love...will...remember?" I write at the top of the music sheet. All this drama with James inspired a very depressing but beautiful song. I'll probably save it for my next album. To be honest, I've started questioning our relationship. How can I be with someone so unstable? Schizophrenia will be a lifelong battle for him and I just...I don't know if I can handle that. Can I really spend my whole life babysitting someone like him? I just don't know.

"Wow, you're actually writing a _good _song."

"Real funny, dork." I answer, not looking up from the piano. I guess Carlos needs some peace and quiet too. I always come to Rocque Records when I need to relax. Carlos must have had the same idea. I guess that's fine, even though he can be _really _annoying. That's not to say that I don't have some pleasant feelings toward him, though.

"Lemme see!" Carlos says, sounding way too enthusiastic. Rolling my eyes, I hand him the sheet music. I wonder if he'll figure out that it's about James. I think it's pretty obvious, maybe a little _too _obvious. It's just that I've been thinking a lot about the relationship since James was hospitalized two days ago.

"Wow, not bad." He nods. "Not bad at all."

I breathe in, relieved that he didn't mention James. I love that boy, but I just don't know what to do about the situation. I may have a compulsive fire setting problem (which I have gotten under control), but James is completely out of touch with reality. I'm sorry, but I don't think I can take much more of this.

"Hey, this wouldn't happen to be about James, would it?"

Well, I apparently spoke (well, thought) too soon. Of course he would ask about James. The song is so obviously about him! How am I suppose to explain that I'm thinking about breaking up with him? Trust me, I don't necessarily _want to, _but it's for the best.

"Look, I've been thinking a lot since the other day." I take another breath. "I don't wanna abandon James in his time of need, but I have my own mental health issues to deal with. I don't think I can handle being with a schizophrenic when I'm trying to recover myself."

I look down at the piano keys, touching them. I really hope that Carlos won't start yelling at me for contemplating such a thing, since James is his best friend. I respect that, I really do, and I certainly don't intent to hurt James, but I think we both need to focus on ourselves right now. He needs to focus on recovering and I need to focus on _staying _recovered.

"You look terrible, no offense."

"Gee, thanks!" I answer, my voice full of sarcasm. For whatever reason, Carlos actually laughs as he sits beside me. I don't see what's so funny about me looking like absolute crap. Yep, nothing! Absolutely nothing!

"Hey, I was kidding." He replies. I huff, playing a little tune on the piano. I don't need anyone telling me how terrible I look. I may have bags under my eyes and my hair may look barely combed, but I don't care. I'm tired and I don't really care about looking like a rockstar 24/7. If anyone wants to complain, they can shove it.

"Are you thinking about breaking up with him?"

"Honestly? Yeah." I sigh, letting my fingers brush over the keys. I'm surprised that Carlos isn't trying harder to defend James. I mean, they're pretty much like brothers. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan are all pretty upset right now, but I don't know why Carlos isn't defending James. I guess I'm rather surprised.

"I guess I can see why." Carlos confessed. "The truth is, I don't think I could handle dating a schizophrenic either. I don't even know how Kendall stays with Jo."

"Because she actually has her condition under control." I answer.

"Yeah, but schizophrenia is pretty unpredictable." Carlos responds. "There's no guarantee that she won't have another meltdown like James."

I nod, supposing that he's right. I guess you never really know when it comes to such an illness. It's a daily battle and some days are worse than others. Anyone with a mental illness may receive treatment and be able to function in society, but that doesn't mean that they're completely normal.

"Look, I'm gonna talk to James, okay?" I inform him. "Try not to destroy anything."

"You got it, princess!" Carlos joked. I give him a sarcastic smile, turning around and exiting the studio.

* * *

**James's POV**

_Date: December 5_

_Dear Journal,_

_This hospital is really driving me up the wall. The nurse is sitting next to me while I write this (I guess she thinks I could use the pen to hurt myself), I've been put back on medication, and my dad keeps showing up to "check on me." Trust me, I highly doubt that I'm that important to him. It was only when I was hospitalized that he started caring._

_You now what really sucks? I'm probably gonna be here through Christmas and New Years too! I won't get to properly enjoy the holiday because I'm gonna be stuck in a hospital bed. I wish I could sit at the dining table with Mama Knight, Katie, and the guys, but Mama Knight insists that I need to stay here so I can "get better."_

_Nothing is ever gonna "get better!" I'm permanently screwed, according to the voices. They all say that they're here to stay and that I'm stuck with them and the hallucinations for life. That only worsens my anxiety. If it weren't for me being on suicide watch, I would try again. Really, I don't know how much more I can take._

_Sincerely, James_

"You done, sweetie?" Emma asks me. I nod, handing her the pen. Sighing, I sink back into the pillows, closing my eyes. It's quite a relief when she leaves, allowing me to my privacy. Well, the privacy only lasts a few minutes before Dominique shows up. I watch tiredly as she walks up to me, wondering what she might say.

"We need to talk." She says, sitting on the mattress. I watch with worry in my eyes. Usually, a breakup comes after the "we need to talk" statement. I hope that's not the case, but I have a bad feeling about it.

"Look, you and I both have our own issues and..." She hesitates. "I just think that...that we need to focus on ourselves."

I close my eyes again, taking a breath. Yep, she's _definitely _dumping me.

_"Told you she doesn't love you."_

"SHUT UP!" I yell at the voice, gasping afterwards. Dominique eyes me for a moment, but I think she knows what just happened. Something I forget that other people can't hear the voices and end up reprimanding them out loud. I hate embarrassing myself like that, but I just try to shut the voices up.

"We need to break up!" She blurts out.

"W-what?" I stutter.

"We need...we need to break up."

"Oh..." I hesitate, my eyes filling with tears. I don't even know what to say to her. I thought she would always stand by me, but now she's just gonna walk away. Who does that? I've been going through hell, she knows that, and she's decided that she wants nothing to do with me. Wow...unbelievable!

"Jay-"

"Just leave." I whisper. "Please, just go."

"But Jay-"

"Get out!" I yell, pointing to the door. She hurries out the door and I stay silent for a while before finally bursting into tears. I've lost my girlfriend, I might be losing my friends...I don't know what to do anymore.

* * *

**Lucy's POV**

I'm gonna be completely honest here. I'm disgusted by the way Kendall, Carlos, and Logan have distanced themselves from James. He has a mental illness and, when he lied to them, he probably had no idea what he was doing. He doesn't need people avoiding him. He _needs _love and support from his loved ones.

Well, I'm certainly not about to leave him to fight this alone.

When I first arrive at his room and find him crying in bed, I don't know what to say. All I know for sure is that it's enough to rip my heart out of my chest. Eventually, I just walk over to him and rub his arm to let him know that I'm here. What he needs is a distraction, which I've been told I'm quite good at.

"L-lucy?" He sniffles.

"You okay?" I ask, sitting down.

"Dominique broke up with me." His voice cracks. "I guess I'm too _crazy _for her."

My fists seem to clench on their own. That skank dumped James because of his illness. Ugh, to think that I was starting to like her. Not anymore! When someone is going through something, you show your support by standing by them, _not _dumping them. Should I find her and pound some sense into her?

"You're not crazy." My voice is gentle but firm. "Okay? Having schizophrenia doesn't mean that you're crazy."

"Why does everyone keep bringing that up?" He complains, looking up at the ceiling. I'm not gonna say anything because I'd rather not upset him. I guess I'd be frustrated too, if someone told me I have a mental illness. Of course, he'll have to accept it eventually because it'll always be a part of his life.

"Look, just get some sleep." I instruct, reaching for his hand. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"I...I can't." James never once pulls his hand away. "I...I'm t-too scared."

* * *

**Question for the readers: How do you feel about Dominique breaking up with James?**

**Review! :D**

**PS: Dominique's song "Love Will Remember" is actually by Selena Gomez:)**


	12. Discomfort

**Kendall's POV**

"No, you listen to me! I did what I had to do!"

"You selfish piece of-"

THWACK!

I jump when I hear the sound of a hand meeting flesh. In a panic, I rush into the empty hallway, shocked to see Lucy holding a hand over her cheek...and Dominique standing in front of her. No...there is no way that Dominique _hit _her. If that's the case, I'm seriously rethinking the "guys don't hit girls" rule.

"What the hell?" I snap, storming over to them.

"Selfish piece of garbage? Is that what you were gonna call me?" Dominique growled, getting in Lucy's face. I clench my jaw, shoving her away from my friend. I don't know what's with her, but she's _way_ out of line. I'm serious, she's got another thing coming if she thinks that I'm gonna let her treat Lucy like this.

"Listen, you sorry witch, you better _stay away _from James." Lucy snarls, grabbing the front of Dominique's shirt.

What happens next is a shock for all of us, possibly including Dominique. She pulls a _gun _out of her jacket and points it at us, which makes me rather sick to my stomach. What is she _thinking?_

"Look, you don't...you don't have to do this." I don't know if I can possibly reason with her, but it's worth a try. Maybe I can convince her to put the gun away and just-"

"HEY!"

Next thing we know, Jo appears and kicks the gun out of her hand. Both girls lunge for it and end up fighting for the weapon. You see, this is what I love about Jo. She's got this sweet side to her, but she also toughens up when she needs to. That's the least of my priorities, though, because I'm just concerned about Dominique's behavior.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Dominique screams, still trying to grab the gun.

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE DAMN GUN!" Jo replies, holding the obviously psychotic girl down. Nurses and doctors, as well as hospital security guards, must have been alerted of the situation. There's a whole crowd of them hurrying toward us. Lucy and I step back as the guards grab Dominique, pulling her off the floor.

"SOMEONE GET A STRETCHER!" One of the doctors yells. I don't wanna see this anymore. I just can't. That's why, for whatever reason, I begin walking toward James's room. I can't keep avoiding him, especially since he obviously _needs _love and support from everyone close to him. I'm surprised that...no, I don't wanna even _think _about Dominique right now. Not after what I just witnessed.

James is sleeping when I walk into his room. Someone sleeping doesn't usually bring much emotion out of me, but I feel my heart sinking right now. To my disgust, his "father" is sitting beside him. Look, I don't feel like Mr. Diamond really deserves to have a relationship with James. Besides, James doesn't need that stress.

"I wanna be alone with him for a bit."

"Alright, I leave you boys alone." Mr. Diamond agrees, quietly exiting the room. I can only bring myself to reach out and rub his shoulder, wishing that I could do more to comfort him. Why did he get schizophrenia anyway? I don't remember him doing anything to deserve such a thing.

Then I notice his journal on the end table. Curious, I reach for it, noticing that he forgot to lock it. I wonder if it would hurt for me to read some of his entries. Truthfully, I've always been a little curious.

_Date: November 21_

_Dear Journal, _

_The voices won't leave me alone. No matter what I do, they won't leave me alone. J2 is their ringleader and he is constantly leading the mission to make my life hell. Then there's KJ, who actually defends me. She's always arguing with J2 and telling him to stop being mean to be, but he never listens to her. I just wanna put an end to this, to everything._

_Yeah, it's gotten to a point where I just wanna die. Do you know that I have nightmares about Hawk? Sometimes I even see him when I'm awake, holding a knife and threatening to kill me. Then I close my eyes and open them...and he's not there anymore._

_Dominique and I went on a date yesterday. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. I kept zoning out and I think it got on her nerves. She didn't even invite me into her apartment like she normally does. She told me to go home and get some rest, but I think she's mad at me. She hasn't called today, she hasn't visited, she hasn't acknowledged me once._

_The guys are so worried about me or so they say. The same goes for Mama Knight. Katie doesn't really notice anything because she's too busy with school, video games, and driving Bitters up a wall. I don't see why they're so concerned, though. I mean, I'm not sick. I'm really, really not. I'm not crazy either._

_I'm...not...crazy._

_Sincerely, James_

"What are you doing?" A tired voice murmurs. My eyes are wide now. I wasn't expecting James to wake up yet. In a hurry, I shut the journal and put it back where I found it, but something tells me that the damage has already been done.

"James-"

"That's private!" He snaps at me, grabbing the journal and shoving it under his pillow.

"Jay, I'm sorry." I plead, reaching for him. His only response is to pull away, letting me know that he doesn't wanna be touched. Why do I have to be so impulsive? My god, I could have just left the journal alone, but I just had to put my hands on it. Stupid, stupid, stupid! And just when I thought that I might have a chance at repairing our friendship!

"Yeah, sure you are!"

"Just listen to me, okay?" I tell him. "Dominique, she-"

"_Do not _mention that name."

"She and Lucy were fighting and she...she pulled a gun on us!"

"Stop! Just stop!" James cries, clutching at his hair. I'm shaking now, wishing that I knew what to do. I guess I shouldn't have said anything, considering how fragile he is right now. _Anything _can send him into meltdown mode. James in meltdown mode? Very, very bad. Both for him and for those around him.

"Sir, I think you need to leave." A nurse advises. I hate to admit it, but she's right. James needs to be left alone until he gets stabilized, which clearly hasn't happened yet.

So I leave the nurse to calm my best friend, my _brother_, down while I let tears fall down my face.

* * *

**Jo's POV**

"You okay?" Camille asks Lucy.

"Do I _look _okay?" Lucy retorts, holding an ice pack to her cheek. I'm honestly shocked and horrified by Dominique's actions today. I always thought she was a little off, but never to this extent. I mean, pulling a gun on someone? Only a truly sick person would do that, which makes me think that Dominique is actually more psychotic than James has ever been.

"Gabi, do you need a nap?" Carlos asks his goddaughter, who is becoming a little fussy. While he cradles her in his arms, I step out of the waiting room and search for Kendall, furrowing my eyebrows when he walks toward me. He looks like he has been crying, much to my concern.

"I told him about...her...and he just freaked out." He tells me, reaching for my hands. I frown, wrapping my arms around his waist. To think that I struggle with the same illness that James has, only I have mine under control. I wouldn't say that my life is easy, but I'm doing a lot better than James is.

"He'll get better." I whisper, resting my head against his chest. Our friends are watching us, not that it matters. I only care about comforting my boyfriend, since he's usually been the one doing the comforting. It's his turn to let someone else help _him_.

"You know you can't be the strong one all the time, right?" I murmur.

"I...I know." He sniffles, wiping his eyes. I begin tearing up, standing on tip toes and bringing my face to his. Slowly and gently, I kiss him, silently promising to give him all the love in the world. He deserves it...and I hope he knows that.

* * *

**Raise your hand if you love Jendall! *raises hand***

**Review! :D**


	13. Breaking

**So sorry for posting this so late! I was out all day:P**

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"Well, I guess I'm going to New York City next week." I announce, wheeling myself into the waiting room.

"You're getting the surgery?" Camille asks, throwing her arms around me.

"Yeah!" I exclaim, giving her a kiss. "My mom scheduled the appointment for next Friday."

I take a deep breath, looking around the room. We've all been spending most of our time at Cedars Sinai, occasionally going to check on James. Although, I think we're all a little freaked out by the Dominique incident. I've been thinking about a lot of her symptoms (and took an online test) and it appears that she may suffer from Antisocial Personality Disorder.

"That's great, hon." Cam kisses my cheek, sitting on my lap. Mama Knight took Gabi home so she could take a nap and give her parents a little break. We love our little angel, but even Mom and Dad need a break sometimes. Although, we'll make sure to spend lots of time with her when we go home tonight.

"Hey, I'm gonna see James, okay?" I inform her. She nods before getting up, then I turn around and wheel myself back down the hallway. Since Dominique's room is just down the hall from James, I think I might check on her real quick. Just a peek, you know? I refuse to set foot in the room because I'm actually quite scared of her at the moment.

When I make it to her room, I only take a moment to watch her. She has been knocked out with some kind of sedative, so she doesn't really appear to be all there. After a short while, I turn my wheelchair around and go straight to James's room, stopping in the doorway.

He looks so...so _tired _and scared. He's looking up at the ceiling as if he sees something up there, but I can't see a thing. I can't judge him, though, because I'm sure that whatever he's seeing is real to him. It's a good thing that I've done a lot of research on schizophrenics and know how to communicate with one.

"Hi, Jay." I keep my voice low, giving him a smile.

"L-logan?"

"How are you feeling?"

"There's this weird looking bird flying around the room." He chuckles, pointing at the ceiling. I give him a nervous grin, reaching for his wrist and gently pulling his hand back down. Even though I know that this bird doesn't exist, I can't help but look up at the ceiling, just in case the bird _was _real.

"Why did Dominique do it? Why did she pull the gun on Lucy?"

"I..." I sigh, releasing James's hand. "Lucy was defending you and Dominique just freaked out, and she apparently took the gun out. She was apprehended by hospital security and committed to the psych ward. I actually looked it up and I think she might suffer from Antisocial Personality Disorder."

"W-what's that?"

"Well," I start. "It's a disorder where the person's way of thinking and perception of situations, and relating to others, is dysfunctional and destructive. They usually don't have a sense of right and wrong, and they disregard everyone else's feelings."

James looks so confused. I might end up bringing him some books about Antisocial Personality Disorder, and maybe even Schizophrenia, if he's interested. He might wanna become more educated about mental illness. I think it would benefit him a lot in his recovery. If he understood mental illness better, he might be a lot better off.

"I didn't know."

"I know you didn't, buddy." I assure him. "No one did."

"I didn't even know she owned a gun."

"Who did?" I chuckle, crossing my arms. I really wanna tell him about my surgery next week, then I remember how he reacted when I first brought it up. I hate that we have to be so cautious around him, but he's sensitive. The smallest things could set him off, so we have to be _really _careful about what we say and do.

"No one." James murmurs. "Absolutely no one."

* * *

**James's POV**

After Logan leaves and I'm all alone, I start really thinking about Dominique and what Logan told me about her. She may be diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder and she's basically a psychopath. I know I can't date anyone like that, but I love her. I really do! I just...maybe my friends were right and she _is _all wrong for me.

I need to see her, though. I wonder if I could be allowed to visit her, only for a few minutes. Inhaling, I begin getting out of bed, squeezing my eyes shut. The voices are still screaming at me, but that's only because the medication hasn't kicked in yet. Hopefully they will soon, since I'm being forced to take them. The nurse checks under my tongue now, so I can't _not _take them.

"James? What are you doing?" My day nurse, Cassie, questions.

"Dominique Santiago..." I murmur. "I need to see her."

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Cassie advises, reaching for me. I slowly back up, really not liking the way she's walking toward me like that. What the hell is she doing?! Oh god, she's gonna kill me.

"D-don't hurt me!"

"Sweetie, I'm not gonna hurt you." She tells me. "I just want you to get back into bed."

"Just...just let me see her." I plead, tears rolling down my cheeks. Cassie stands still for a moment, thinking, before she gently reaches for my hand and guides me out of the room.

* * *

"Okay, why are you bringing him here?" Kendall asks Cassie as we approach Dominique's door.

"He wanted to see her and I agreed to let him, but only for a few minutes." Cassie explains, pushing the door open. Dominique isn't even aware of my presence, due to being knocked out with a sedative. I guess they have to do that once you've threatened someone with a gun. I still can't believe she did that. If I had a gun, I would just turn it on myself, not that I'd want her to do such a thing.

_"This is your fault."_

"You drove her to this, you worthless piece of garbage!"

I let out a small cry, clawing at my hair. They're lying! I didn't cause her to do this! I couldn't have! I've been stuck in this stupid hospital, so there's no way that I could have done a thing to drive her to this. They're lying, they're lying, THEY ARE LYING! SOMEONE KILL ME! PLEASE!

"James, you need to calm down." Cassie tells me.

"Jay, come on." Kendall whispers, reaching out to me. I push him away, gasping for air. I'm feeling sick to my stomach and the voices keep yelling at me. KJ is watching me from afar and J2 is just laughing at me. He doesn't even care! He doesn't care what he and his minions are doing to me! He'd probably like to see me dead.

"James, you _need _to let me take you back to your room." Cassie pleads. I narrow my eyes, grabbing a syringe off a rolling table. I point it at my chest, not caring one bit about how freaked out anyone might be. I wonder if injecting this into my heart would kill me. I wonder if _stabbing _it into my chest would instantly end my life.

"James-" Kendall starts to say.

"Will this kill me?" My voice cracks. "If I stabbed myself with this, would it kill me?"

"James," Doctor Hansen sounds quite gentle, but I still don't trust him. "You don't wanna do that. You just need to...put that down, so we can help you. Okay?" He begins reaching for the syringe. "Just give it to me."

Although I'm initially reluctantly, I finally allow him to take the syringe, following Cassie and I back to my quiet room.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Mwah!" Logan giggles, kissing Gabi's nose repeatedly. The baby girl squeals, grabbing Logan's cheeks. I smile softly, watching them for a while. My smile fades as I begin thinking about what just occurred with James. I mean, I think that's the worst episode I've seen in a while. The way he grabbed that syringe, pointed at himself, and threatened to kill himself.

I don't know what to think about the Dominique situation. The psychiatrist told her aunt that she has Antisocial Personality Disorder, most likely a psychopath. I feel sick knowing that James was ever involved with someone like her. Her aunt said that the pyromania was a misdiagnosis and that fire-setting can be common in people with ASPD.

"Gabi's a happy little baby." I finally say, approaching the table.

"Yeah, she is." Logan agrees, kissing Gabi's cheek.

"Hi, Gabi." I coo, lifting her into my arms. She squeaks, chewing on her fist, being adorable as usual. I sit down at the table, cuddling my niece. She doesn't understand any of this and I'm quite relieved. I may not be her father, but I don't want her to understand our troubles until she's much older.

"How's James doing? And...and Dominique?"

"Well, Dominique's knocked out with a sedative and James...well, he's not taking things so well." I admit, looking down at little Gabi. I just wanna focus on her sweet little face, her precious little brown eyes, not all these problems that we've been having. I don't wanna think about James's schizophrenia, Dominique's psychopathic tendency, or even Jo's schizophrenia. For once, I wanna focus on something positive and beautiful.

"Carlos, why haven't you visited James?" Logan wonders.

"Because I'm not ready." Carlos shrugs, while texting Stephanie. You know, he's been spending a lot of time with her lately. I'm starting to think that something's going on between them.

"Okay," I whisper. "That's fair enough."

* * *

**Review! :D**


	14. Honesty

**Logan's POV**

"I'm a little nervous." I admit as I wait to be taken to surgery.

"You'll be fine, honey." Mom assures me, although I really don't know if I believe her. I won't feel assured until I've gotten the surgery and I'm preparing to return to a life of mobility. All I really know for sure if that James is gonna throw a fit when he finds out about this. In his state of mind, this surgery isn't a good thing, even though it's giving me the chance to walk again.

"I'm kind of glad that Kendall agreed to stay with James." I calmly state, keeping my eyes on her. I wonder if Kendall will decide to tell James about what's happening. He's completely convinced that this doctor wants to harm me, so he probably won't be too happy. That is, unless the meds have started kicking in. I think they've began working a little bit, but I wouldn't say they've taken full effect yet.

"Listen," Mom reaches for my hand. "You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be taken to the operating room in a few minutes and, in a few months, you'll be walking again."

I smile, although it's a small one. I really am excited about the possibility of walking again, so I'm not _too _nervous about the surgery. It's just the word "surgery" that freaks me out a little bit, but I'm feeling surprisingly calm. I'm just eager to get back on my feet and return to a normal life. I'm most excited about finally being able to do more with my daughter.

"Someone came to see you!" Camille smiles, walking into the room.

"Aww!" I coo as she hands Gabi to me. "Hi, baby girl!"

The way she's babbling at me just warms my heart. I can't wait until I've regained my mobility and can start doing a lot more to help Cam raise her. When she starts walking, I'd like to take her to the beach and be able to run around with her. If I can walk again, there's so much more that I'll be able to accomplish as a musician, a person, and a father.

"Lemme see my grandbaby!" Mom squeals, reaching for Gabi. I happily hand my daughter over to her and she kisses Gabi's cheek, talking in the most hilarious baby voice. While she's enjoying her granddaughter, I take this time to reach for my wife's hand and exchange a few kisses with her.

"Logan, you ready to go?" My doctor asks, peeking into the room. I inhale, nodding.

"Good luck, baby." Camille whispers, giving me a kiss on the does the same before my bed's wheeled out of the room by a few nurses. During the trip to the operating room, I close my eyes and pray not just for myself, but for those around me, such as James and even Dominique.

I want things to be normal again.

* * *

**James's POV**

_Date: December 13_

_Dear Journal,_

_I've been here for, like, three weeks now and I still hate it. Even worse, Christmas is coming up and I'll probably still be in the hospital. My meds are beginning to take effect again, but I still feel anxious all the time. I flinch every time someone touches me, but I guess that's better than being tormented by voices and visual hallucinations 24/7._

_There's this one nurse that just aggravates the hell out of me. She has no understanding of the mentally ill, which I apparently am. I overheard her referring to me as a "crazy child" to another nurse. I was so tempted to get out of this bed and slap her, but that would have landed me in jail and I don't want that._

_For whatever reason, Logan and Carlos haven't stopped by since yesterday. Then again, Carlos hasn't visited me once since I was forced into this hell hole. I did, however, find it unusual that Logan informed me yesterday morning that he wouldn't be coming today. I asked him why and he just said that he had somewhere to be. It would have been nice if he told me where he's going...or maybe not. Chances are, I'd be overcome with jealousy, since he gets to go wherever the hell he wants and I'm trapped here._

_Kendall's here, though. He's been sitting by my beside all morning, which I really appreciate. Jo and Lucy have stopped by too. Now, I just need to know what Kendall is hiding from me. I know that something is going on, but he's not telling me for whatever reason._

_Sincerely, James_

"What are you not telling me?" I ask, locking my journal and handing Kendall the pen.

"What are you talking about?" He's playing dumb. I just know it. I can read him like a book and I know that he's hiding something from me. So I just keep giving him "The Look," which usually always gets information out of someone. He knows something and I wanna know what this something is, okay?

"You know what I'm talking about, Kendall."

"Um, what?"

I roll my eyes, crossing my arms. I would really appreciate if he would just come out with it! He knows that I'm not gonna shut up until he tells me, so he might as well speak up. That's just how it's gonna be, you know?

"Okay," He finally says. "Logan went to New York City to get the stem cell surgery."

I sit still for a moment, thinking carefully about what Kendall just confessed. Logan's getting the surgery and no one told me? Why? Maybe it has something to do with the fact I was completely convinced that the doctor wants to kill Logan or at least harm him in some way. But still! They could have told me about this.

"James-"

"You couldn't have said something?" I murmur, looking up at the ceiling. How could he not tell me? I mean, the thought still makes me nervous, but I'd like to be informed when one of my best friends might end up walking again. As long as the doctor doesn't harm him in any way, I guess this could be okay. I just have a bad feeling, but that's probably the schizophrenia talking.

"With your condition-"

"With my condition!" I scoff, looking away. "I'm so sick of hearing that."

"Look, whether you like it or not, schizophrenia is a part of your life." Kendall has his "parent" voice on. The same one that my mom would use on me sometimes. Gosh, why does he do this to me?

"I think I'm aware of that." I grumble, turning onto my other side. I don't even wanna look at him right now. I'm tired of being told "James, you're mentally ill" and "James, you need to accept help!" I am so sick of it! The worst part is that no one seems to understand that. They think that I'm not mentally capable of having "real feelings."

"Look, I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know you didn't." I whisper. "Just...just call Logan's mom and make sure he's okay."

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"Well, the surgery was a success." I smile at Logan, just a few hours later.

"Mmm hmm." Logan mumbles, still somewhat sedated by the meds he was given. His mom and Camille took Gabi down to the cafeteria, so it's just me and him. The doctor only allowed Gabi in the room for a few minutes this morning so Logan could her before he went to surgery, but no more visits from her for now.

"Are you feeling okay?" I ask him. He nods in response, but I hate that he's not saying much. I know that he's just tired, but I can't wait until he recovers. Then he can start walking again and we can do all the things we use to do! Like hockey and dancing, for example! I'm sure our Rushers will be excited to see him dancing again.

"Carlos, can I ask you something?" He murmurs.

"Sure." I reply, reaching for his hand.

"Why haven't you visited James?"

"W-what are you talking about?" I stutter, instantly becoming tense. Ever since James was hospitalized three weeks ago, I haven't visited once. That means that I haven't seen my friend in three weeks. Lately, I've started to feel like a really terrible person because of that. I'm just scared to see him after he hurt himself.

"You know what I'm talking about?" Logan sighs. "It's been _three _weeks."

I don't even know what to say. I know that it's wrong for me to avoid James when he's struggling, but I just...I just don't know. I don't know how to handle the whole situation. It's really scary, you know? I don't handle scary very well.

"Look, just get some rest, okay?" I tell him, relieved when he doesn't argue. He's probably too tired to bug me about it. Trust me, I'll probably visit James soon, but I just don't feel ready yet. At the moment, I'm focusing my energy on getting a relationship with Stephanie started. Although, she's been telling me that I need to get my ass to the hospital and visit my best friend.

"We'll talk about this laterrr.." Logan slurs. I nod, looking at the floor. That's a conversation that I'm definitely not looking forward to.

* * *

**Carlos will finally visit James in the next chapter! :D**

**Review! :D**


	15. Progress

**Carlos's POV**

A week later, Logan's recovering at the Palm Woods, but I'm standing near the door to James's room. I...I don't know what to do. I know that I need to start supporting him like a true friend, but I'm just so scared. I feel like a schizophrenic is just gonna freak out about my every word, even my every movement.

"Are you going in or not?" Stephanie asks, throwing her arm around my shoulders. I give her a look, waiting for her to back off and go to the cafeteria. She's been nagging me for weeks and as much as I enjoy her presence, she's starting to aggravate me. Well, I'm visiting James today, so she'll hopeful let it go after that.

"Yeah." I mumble, pushing the door open. To my surprise, James is watching TV and looking quite normal. I thought he'd be staring at the ceiling and laughing at nothing. Since I haven't seen him in a while, I haven't been too sure about how he's recovering.

"Carlos? W-what are you doing here?" His voice is sort of raspy, probably from not talking much.

"Just...just thought I'd see how you're doing." I'm just waiting for him to start freaking out. It seems like he does that a lot during a schizophrenic episode. During his first episode, I visited him in the hospital and he completely flipped! It made me scared to be anywhere near him.

"So..." I start. "How are you doing?"

"Okay, I guess." James shrugs, scribbling in some notebook. From what I understand, he's been writing some of his own songs. He won't show them anyone yet. He says that he's not ready.

"I..." I hesitate, sitting in the chair by his bed. "Never mind."

For a while, we just sit in silence, something unusual for the two of us. Things are usually quite lively when we're in a room together. Not today, though. All is silent in James's room. Of course the silent gives me time to think. For example, how did Dominique get let out before James? He's making plenty of progress, but Dominique has to have supervision at all times.

"Carlos?"

"What?" I whisper, looking at the floor.

"Why are you just now visiting?"

"I," I start. Okay, how do I go about this? "I just...I was scared, okay? I was scared after seeing you hold that knife to your wrist and actually have the nerve to harm yourself. I couldn't even look at you after that. Hell, I can barely look at you now!"

The look on James's face nearly kills me. I never intended to hurt his feelings, but he did ask why I haven't visited him until now. I just hate having to be so brutally honest with him because he's so sensitive and I hate hurting him in any way. I just...I don't even know anymore. I hate being conflicted.

"I'm a screw up."

"What? Jay, no you're not!" I move to the mattress, wanting to be closer to my friend.

"Yeah, I am!" He argues. "And-and you know it."

I shake my head desperately, wishing that I could change that mindset. I can't believe that James Diamond, of all people, thinks that he's a screw up. He use to be one of the most confident people I know. Fast forward a few years and he suddenly hates himself? I had no idea that mental illness could have such a severe effect on someone.

"Oh, come here." I sniffle, pulling him into a hug. He doesn't even try to pull away, which is a major relief. For the first time since his kidnapping, he's actually allowing someone to comfort him. Truthfully, I'm glad that I'm the one doing the comforting.

"I-I-I'm sc-scared that H-hawk is gonna c-come b-back."

"Jay," I say, keeping my voice low. "We're not gonna let him hurt you _ever _again."

He clings to me for dear life and I do the same with him, tightening my arms around him. I don't know what came over me, but my fear and anger is suddenly gone. It has been replaced with sympathy and concern for my friend. Now I can only pray that he'll continue to get better.

* * *

**Stephanie's POV**

"_Unbelievable_!" I think to myself, watching as Dominique walks through the front doors. Okay, who told her that it was okay to just show up like that? After threatening Lucy and Kendall, you'd think that she'd wanna stay away. By the way, the consequences were way too mild. She spent almost a month in the hospital, then she went home and has to attend weekly court ordered therapy sessions. What is up with that?

"You really have a lot of nerve, you know that?" I snarl, storming up to her.

"Chill, I just came for a quick visit, then I'm out."

Oh, she makes me so mad! I wish I could hit her, but I'm not in the mood to stir up trouble. I just want her to turn her skanky ass around and walk out that door. I can't believe I even contemplated being friends with her! Camille actually _was _her friend, although she's now too disgusted to even look at this witch.

"You stay away from James or I swear I'll-"

"You'll _what_?" Dominique asks, bringing her face close to mine. I narrow my eyes, roughly pushing her away. If she thinks I won't fight her, she's sadly mistaken. If she even tries to threaten me or my friends in any way, I won't hesitate to give her a good punch in the nose.

"You'll find out." I growl.

"Hey!" Carlos yells, storming over to us.

"Hi, Carlitos!" Dominique greets. I huff, standing close to Carlos.

"You get the hell out of here." He warns, putting his arm around me. The look on her face just makes my desire to throw some fists grow stronger. She looks so high and mighty that it's almost funny. I almost want Carlos to let me go so I can just smack her and get it over with. My gosh, why did James ever date someone like her?!

"Okay, why is everyone suddenly turning against me?"

"Gee, I don't know, maybe because you threatened two of our friends with a _gun_?" I laugh humorlessly. I've officially lost faith in most of humanity because of this girl. I mean, she pretended to be a really cool, sweet person, but she's an antisocial/psychopath person. It goes to show that you really can't trust hardly anyone!

"In my defense, I wasn't exactly in my right mind." Dominique snickers.

"Oh, let me at her!" I yelp, but Carlos grabs me before I can lay a hand on her. Ugh, why? Why can't I hit her? Carlos has to drag me away kicking and screaming because I'm making such a commotion, not that I care.

"Steph, come on!" He groans, pulling me around the corner. "Calm down, woman!"

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"She is so pathetic! I mean, how can she just show up after she threatened our friends!" Stephanie rants, flailing her arms. She starts to run off, probably to kick Dominique's rear, but I grab her and _kiss her _before she can. I think the kiss is enough to calm her down. She calmed down as soon as it happened.

"What the hell, dude?" Stephanie smirks.

"I just..."

"You wanna be my boyfriend, dontcha?" She giggles, throwing her arms around my neck. I can only blush in response, but I don't know what to actually say. I'm shocked by the fact that I had the courage to kiss her in the first place. Heck, I'm amazed that I haven't already passed out.

"Y-yeah."

"Then I guess you're my boyfriend."

"Uh huh..."

Suddenly, my mind goes completely blank and I faint, falling down to the tile floor.

THUMP!

* * *

"Carlos...Carlos...Carlos...CARLOS!"

"Hmm?" I mumble after my eyes have opened. Once I've had a chance to look around, I realize that I'm back in 3S, with Logan laying at the other end of the couch. Stephanie is looking down at me, one eyebrow raised. I don't know what she's looking at me like that for, but I'm mostly thinking about the fact that I actually have a girlfriend now.

"Steph, why did he pass out?" Logan frowns.

"Apparently, he faints when he gets shocked and excited at the same time." Stephanie playfully pokes my cheek. I grumble as I sit up, shaking my head rapidly. I must smacked my head on the floor or something because I've got quite a headache. I've really gotta start controlling my excitement.

"Why would he-"

"Oh, just because." She takes my breath away with one kiss. Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but it feels overwhelmingly good to have some positive things happen after weeks of stress and suffering. Heck, James actually _smiled _(according to Kendall) when told that Stephanie and I are a couple now. James hasn't smiled in a while!

"Now, boyfriend, let's get you a corn dog." She suggests, reaching for my hand. Nodding, I follow her to the kitchen, turning to mouth an excited "yes!" to Logan before we get to said kitchen. Now, maybe there's hope that things might get better again. All it takes is a little effort, like most things do.

* * *

**Carlos and Stephanie are FINALLY a couple! *happy dance***

**Review! :D**


	16. Christmas

**I would have posted this earlier, but I went to the animal shelter:) I love volunteering!**

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**James's POV**

Well, I guess I'm spending Christmas in the hospital. I'll probably be let out in a couple weeks, but I'm still spending the holidays in a hospital room. I'm honestly a little bitter about that. While my loved ones are probably gonna gather around the dinner table and stuff their faces, I'm being held against my will.

I'm allowed to walk around the hospital, though. With supervision, of course. I'm actually sitting in the cafeteria right now, getting ready to enjoy a plate of turkey and dressing, with cranberry sauce and sweet tea. Amber, my current nurse, is getting my plate right now. I guess I haven't been showing much holiday spirit, though. I look around and I'm just alone. No friends, no family, just me.

"Here you go, sweetie!" Amber chirps, sitting the plate and glass of tea on the table. Smiling sadly, I take a bite of turkey, surprised to find that it actually tastes quite good. It'd be a lot better if Mama Knight, Katie, and the guys were here, though.

I spent a few minutes just pushing the food around before my eyes are covered. I start to panic, then the mystery person speaks up.

"You really think we'd let you spend Christmas alone?"

"Lucy?" I turn around, smiling when I see her. The guys came with Mama Knight and Katie too, as well as Jo and Stephanie. Honestly, I wasn't expecting them to come. I mean, who wants to spend Christmas in a boring hospital cafeteria? They could easily decorate the apartment up all nice and celebrate there.

"We'll take it from here." Mama Knight tells Amber, who nods and quietly exits the cafeteria. "So, how are you doing, hon?"

"Okay, I guess." I answer, sipping my tea. "I can't wait to get out of here."

"Just a couple more weeks." Kendall pats my shelter. Shrugging, I take another sip, truly wanting these next two weeks to go by _fast_. I can't wait to go home, curl up in front of the TV, and maybe spent some time by the pool. Not to mention that I'm eager to go back to work. Gustavo stopped by recently and said that he wants to send us on a tour starting in April. I love tours because I get to see so many different places. I'm hoping that we can return to England.

"We got you a gift, by the way." Carlos states, handing me a wrapped gif.

"Well, I wasn't expecting this!" I chuckle, beginning to tear the wrapping paper away. Wow, it's a beautiful black leather journal and a equally nice pen, something I've been wanting since mine is getting kind of rugged looking. I needed something nice and new to write all my thoughts in. Hey, where else can I vent?

"I love it." I smile, my voice softened. I don't now how everyone is being so good to me, after everything I've done to screw up their lives. I mean, I could probably take the blame for Dominique's mental health worsening!

"Can we eat?" Carlos pleads. "I haven't eaten since lunch."

"Of course..." Logan mumbles, earning a slap on the head from Carlos. Well, it's not exactly a secret that the kid loves food. He's never short on delicious snacks, which is why he's basically a go-to guy for anyone looking for a tasty treat.

"They're serving turkey, dressing, a cranberry sauce." I point out with a grin.

"Let's go!" Carlos takes Stephanie's hand and practically drags her over to the buffet. I snicker to myself, shaking my head. Kendall, to my surprise, stays with me while everyone else goes to fetch their plates. Things have been a little weird between us since he read my diary and I threatened to kill myself, but I think we're getting to a better place in our friendship. I...I hope. I'm still a little uncertain about it, okay?!

"I haven't seen you smile this much since November." He mentions.

"I think my medication is taking effect." I reply, taking a bite of cranberry sauce. Speaking of that, I really hate that I have to take medication to stay happy and "normal." If I don't take it, I apparently go off the deep end. It sucks that I have to live like that, but I guess there's nothing I can do. At least that's what my therapist told me.

"Well, that's good." Kendall squeezes my shoulder before sitting across from me. "So...let's talk about your love life!"

"Whyyyy?" I wonder, raising one eyebrow.

"Well, you and Dominique broke up, but I don't want you to spend Valentines Day alone so..."

"Kendall, I'm _not _gonna date Jo's cousin."

"I wasn't talking about Jo's cousin!" Kendall snorts. "I was gonna ask about _Lucy._"

It takes a lot of strength not to burst out laughing. Lucy's a very pretty girl, but I highly doubt that she would date me. She's into the bad boy type. Me? I'm just crazy. What girl would wanna date someone like me? Certainly not Lucille Stone! She'll end up getting someone handsome and _stable,_ probably with a motorcycle.

"Dude, you like her." Kendall insists. "I know it!"

"As a friend, yes." I argue. "As a girlfriend, no way!"

"_Denial_."

"Dude, shut up!"

"Not until you admit that you're in love!"

"No, I w-"

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Lucy pipes up, a confused look on her face. I groan to myself, silently begging Kendall to keep quiet. No matter how much he asks, I refuse to admit that I have any romantic interest in Lucy. She's a friend, that's all. She's a friend and that's all she'll ever be.

"This actually looks pretty good." Katie approaches table. "You know, for hospital food."

"I have to agree with the munchkin." Jo sits beside Kendall and I watch as he whispers something to her. After a few seconds, she giggles and I end up blushing, knowing that Kendall made some comment about me "having a crush" on Lucy. I haven't ever, I don't, and I won't ever have a crush on her. He needs to get that through his head.

"Munchkin?"

"How tall are you?" Jo questions.

"Rude!" Katie says through a mouthful of dressing. I roll my eyes, drinking another sip of tea. They're all crazy, but they're making my Christmas a whole lot better.

* * *

_Date: December 25_

_Dear Journal, _

_It's Christmas, as you might know. I'm surrounded by friends and I'm actually feeling happy for the first time in a while. I've got a long road ahead of me, but I'm trying. I really am. I'm just a little worried, you know? Kendall keeps hinting at me asking Lucy out, but I've still got feelings for Dominique. She's no good for me, though. I couldn't possibly date someone that pulled a gun on my friends and basically has no remorse for her mistakes._

_We're all in the hospital cafeteria, talking and laughing like normal. It feels good to do this, although it would be a lot better if we were at home. Well, I guess it doesn't matter as long as we're together._

_They got me a new journal, which happens to be you. My other one is looking a little old, so it's good to have a nicer one. I figured that this would be the perfect time to put my new pen and journal to use. The pen writes really well, by the way. I really appreciate this gift. I just might have to send out thank you notes:P_

_Ugh, Carlos just ran into the wall and knocked himself out. I better help the others tend to him._

_Sincerely, James_

"Seriously?" I look at my now unconscious best friend, smacking my hand to my face. I don't know how Carlos manages to be so clumsy. I don't wanna ask how he managed to do this. Luckily, I know exactly how to wake him up.

"CARLOS, I'VE GOT CORNDOGS!"

"WHAT?!" Carlos immediately awakens, stumbling to his feet. I chuckle, giving him a playful shove. He only gives me a sarcastic expression, which adds to my amusement. This is proving to be a very relaxed but entertaining Christmas. Hey, it helps when Carlos is around, especially combined with Logan since they're always picking on each other.

"My gosh, you're an idiot."

"Hey, Logiebear?"

"What, Carlitos?"

"Shut up."

"I'll do what I wanna do!"

"Hortense Mitchell!" Mama Knight scolds. I have to try so hard not to laugh. I'm sorry, but who wouldn't laugh at the name Hortense? I'm not bashing the Hortenses of the world, but it's kind of funny. Anyway, don't I have a right to giggle a little bit? The past month has been hell and I'm actually feeling decent for once. I might as well enjoy it, right?

"James-"

"Sorry." I mumble, blushing. Why doesn't Lucy get scolded? She's laughing harder than I am! Then again, she never knew Logan's real name until now. It's still no excuse, though!

Knock! Knock!

"Come-" Mama Knight starts. "In..."

"I just wanted to bring James a gift." Dominique sits a bag on the table. Without saying a word, she leaves. Although I'm initially reluctant, I finally grab the bag and take a seat in an empty chair, taking all the paper out. It's a "stuffy puppy" with a concert ticket attached to a chain around its neck. Hmm, what concert?

_Dominique Santiago_

_Club Nokia Los Angeles, California_

_January 11, 2014 7:00 pm_

"She invited me to her concert." I inform the others. I don't think any of them are happy to hear that. However, if I have to be completely honest, I kind of wanna go. I mean, I haven't seen one of her concerts before. Even though she's not my girlfriend anymore, who says that I can't be a fan of her music?

"Jay, are you seriously gonna go?" Lucy asks me. She almost seems...jealous.

"I..." I hesitate. "I don't know. Maybe?"

"You have plenty of time to think about it." Mama Knight assures me. "Now, let's just enjoy the holiday."

"Y-yeah." I nod. "Let's do that."

* * *

**Hehe, this chapter was pretty cute:) If I do say so myself;)**

**Review! :D**


	17. Home

**I was busy today, so this chapter's a little late:P**

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**Logan's POV**

So it's been almost a month since my surgery and it's safe to say that I'm feeling..somewhat positive about my future. I should start to regain feeling in my legs soon and maybe even start walking again, which a major positive. James is being released from the hospital today, which is also great. My only concert is him going to Dominique's concert. If I were him, I'd stay as far away from her as possible.

"You're gonna be six months old soon." I remind Gabi, cuddling her in my arms. She's got her teething ring that Camille got her, since she's just started teething. We feel so bad sometimes, though, because teething hurts and sometimes it makes our baby girl cry. I hate seeing her cry.

"Daddy's little angel is getting so big!" I coo, kissing her cheek. Her babbling is music to my ears. Even more adorable is the tiny squeal she gives when I tickle her tummy. Oh, and let's not forget her smile. Camille insists that she's gonna have my smile and I think she might be right. I think she has the dimples, but they'll become more noticeable as she gets a little bigger.

"I'm bored." I tell her, standing her up on my lap. There is something about a baby's smile that makes me, a grown man, wanna squeal.

"You're so happy today!" I giggle, kissing her nose. Oh, I just love this girl as much as her mommy does. Seriously, she is. She's been smiling, giggling, and just being a little angel all day. I just hope her "Terrible Twos" won't be too severe. I'm enjoying her current innocent and I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to her misbehaving.

"You wanna get out of this apartment for a bit?" I ask her, since being trapped in here is driving me crazy. I think we should go to apartment 3S and wait for James. Kendall, Carlos, and Katie stayed home while Mama Knight went to the hospital to pick him up. I think Camille is down at the pool with Jo, Stephanie, and Lucy.

"Let's go visit your uncles." I suggest, getting her strapped into the baby baby carrier. It's one of those that holds the baby against your chest, which I have to do because I use my hands to maneuver my wheelchair. Hopefully I won't be using it for much longer, though. The wheelchair, I mean.

"Ba ba ba ba..."

"Gabilyn Raye Mitchell, what are you saying?" I ask, wheeling myself out the door.

"Ba ba! Ba ba! BA BA!" I have to shush her because I don't wanna disturb the other residents. She's starting to become more vocal, so we have to be really-

"LOGAN PHILLIP MITCHELL!"

And here comes the devil child.

"What?" I question, slowly turning to face James's ex girlfriend. I was starting to get use to her, then she pulled a gun on Lucy and Kendall. That made me realize that she's completely insane and we have no business being friends with her. In fact, I think we should avoid her like the plague.

"Are you guys seriously gonna keep avoiding me?"

"Uh, yeah, because you threatened Kendall and Lucy." I grumble, almost chuckling at Gabi's attempt to stick her tongue out at Dominique. She may be only a few months old, but I think she's perfectly capable of deciding who she likes and who she doesn't. Dominique is clearly on her "bad" list.

"I got mental help!"

"Good for you." I mutter, turning around and wheeling myself further down the hallway. Finally, I reach 3S and I turn the doorknob, pushing the door open. Katie's playing what I'm assuming is Sims 3. It kind of makes me wanna play some computer games. Anyway, Kendall and Carlos are attempting to make a Welcome Home lunch for James.

"What exactly are you two doing?" I ask them.

"Spaghetti?" Carlos murmurs, looking at the clearly failing attempt at cooking. I'm obviously gonna have to help them because let's face it, those two don't know how to cook. No offense, but it's true.

"You need help, don't you?" I inhale.

Kendall nods in response. "Yeeeaaah, just a little bit."

* * *

**James's POV**

"Can we please enter through the back? I don't wanna be seen right now." I mumble, looking out the window. I can't believe I'm actually out of the hospital. It's a good thing, but I really just wanna stay hidden forever. Since this was my second hospitalization, I'm surely Hollywood's number one nutcase.

"If you want to, hon." Mama Knight places her hand over mine, patting it before driving around to the Palm Woods back entrance. For a few minutes, I just sit there with tears prickling at my eyes. I'm not ready to reenter society. I'm gonna end up embarrassing myself and the thought makes me feel sick to my stomach. What if I have another breakdown? What if I'm not ready to go on tour in April? Oh my gosh, I'm freaking out. I'm gonna be sick...

"It's okay, it's okay..." Mama Knight whispers, rubbing my back. After a few more seconds, I push the car door open and get out of the vehicle, rushing into the building as fast as I can. I'm able to relax a bit once I'm inside, away from the public eye. I feel even better once we get into the elevator and it's just the two of us.

"Kendall, Carlos, Logan, and Katie are so excited to see you!" Mama Knight tells me. I nod, leaning against the wall. Part of me is really happy to be home, but the other part just doesn't know. I'm...I'm scared. I really am and I don't know what to do. I hate being like this and not knowing if my life will ever be normal. I _hate _schizophrenia.

"Baby, you need to cheer up." Mama Knight touches my cheek.

"I can't." I rest my head on her shoulder, groaning when the doors open. Well, here goes nothing.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"Now that's how you make spaghetti." I state, sitting the plate on the kitchen island. James loves spaghetti, especially mine. Not bragging, but I do make good spaghetti. Just ask James! He loves my cooking and so does anyone else that tries it. My cousin even let me help her bake the cake for her wedding.

"Yeah yeah yeah." Kendall says, walking over to the couch. Gabi is laying on her play mat and smiling at Uncle Carlos. I think he's become her favorite uncle. He always plays with her and whatnot. Well, he is her godfather so I guess it makes sense.

"Look who's home!" Mama Knight exclaims. We all look eagerly in her direction, watching as James appears behind her. He looks okay, but a little nervous. I feel so sad because it must be so nerve wracking to be back home after such a long time in the psych ward. I know I'd be scared. We'll just have to make him feel comfortable.

"Hi!" Katie blurts out, running and jumping into his arms.

"Hiiii..." James says, looking at her. She has a crush on him, no matter how many times she may deny it. We just don't mention it because she threatens to punch anyone that does, including her own brother.

"Excited to be home, buddy?" Kendall asks, patting his shoulder.

"Yeah." It's obvious that he's lying. He's a terrible liar. He'll put a smile on his face and laugh a little, but it always sounds so forced. Does he really think we're that blind?

"So..." I start. "Gabi's teething."

"Ouch, that's no fun!" James says, taking Gabi from Carlos. She seems pretty satisfied being in his arms. I just hope I can trust him to never put her in harms way. I know his intentions are always good, but schizophrenics aren't exactly known for being stable. How can I be certain that he won't have an episode around Gabi?

"You okay, man?" Kendall frowns at me.

"Yeah." I put on a smile. "Yeah, I'm okay."

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	18. Crazy

**James's POV**

I can't believe how crowded Club Nokia is tonight, all for Dominique. I think most people probably know that she's basically insane, so it's surprising to see that she still has people willing to see her perform. She even has a new single out, called Shake, and it's reached number three on the Billboard 200.

"What was I thinking?" I murmur, approaching my seat. I'm not surprised that Dominique gave me a seat in the first five rows. She probably thinks that she can seduce me with her dance moves and sexy voice. Well, I'll be having none of that. After what she did, I can't take her back. There's a part of me that will always love her, but I can't date someone like her. She's done enough damage to make me not wanna trust her ever again.

I like how the stage is set up, though. It's a pretty simple setup, actually. A DJ booth on a pedestal and three large screens...yeah, I'm impressed with whoever designed the set. It's just the fact that it's one of Dominique's concerts. I don't know what made me come here tonight, but I guess getting out might do me some good.

"Sometimes you gotta just shake-shake shake shake-"

I look at the stage just as the theater goes pitch black and a beat plays, signaling the start of the show. Then all becomes silent again before "Shake" begins, and Dominique runs onto the stage, dancing and waving at the audience. While everyone else screams her name, singing along to her latest single, I just stand here and listen.

"Shake! Shake what your mama gave you, pull out your Michael J moves, and dance with the record on! Sometimes you gotta get, down, down at the supermarket, even if there's people watching! Just because you like the song, sometimes you gotta just, shake (shake shake shake shake shake shake). Sometimes you gotta just shake (shake shake shake shake shake)."

As upset as I am with her, that song is great. I just wish the person singing it would have her life together and actually be capable of truly caring about others. When she pulled that gun on Kendall and Lucy, she didn't care! I don't think she ever really cares about anyone but herself. In Dominique's world, it all revolves around her.

"You know it's easy to forget that feeling, when the kid in your heart stops dreaming..."

Why does that particular line relate to me so well? Oh right, because schizophrenia caused him to lose the childlike innocence I once had. It made me grow up way before my time. I can't believe I'm actually relating to my ex-girlfriend's song. Now, she seems like she's really having fun out there. I wish she was that enjoyable offstage.

"She's so hot-"

"Dude, she's not _that _attractive."

Both of the guys behind me are really irking my nerves. Dominique may not be my girlfriend anymore, but I'd prefer if I didn't have to hear other guys argue about her physical appearance. I guess I'm still recovering from the breakup, so jealousy will likely be a problem for a while. I'm sure I'll get over it, though.

"Let it go, you might find that you like to-"

I have to compliment Dominique's stage presence. I can tell that she really has fun up there. I can guarantee that BTR's upcoming shows will be better, though. Even outside of tour rehearsals, I've been working my butt off to prepare. I'm still a little nervous, though.

"Hey, it's her _crazy _ex-boyfriend."

Those words really get to me, probably more than they should. All I know is that I leave the minute I hear them. Blinking back tears, I push through the crowd and hurry out of the venue, not wanting to stay here for another minute.

"James! JAMES! SMILE FOR THE CAMERA!"

"I don't feel like it!" I scream at the paparazzi, shoving past them. I sniffle, getting behind the wheel of the Big Time Rush mobile, shutting and locking the doors. Thank God that Gustavo got the windows tinted so no one can see anyone in here. I just wanna be alone to get myself together.

* * *

**Lucy's POV**

"Really? That's great!" I tell Camille over the phone, walking across the Club Nokia parking lot. I was bored so I went out to eat at this Chinese restaurant and now I'm just hanging out. I have pepper spray if any jerks try to do anything. Now, I see the red "Big Time Rush mobile" and I think there might be someone in it.

"Um, I'm gonna go, but I'll call you tomorrow." I say before hanging up. Frowning, I walk over to the red convertible, knocking on the window. I start to knock again when no one responds, but the window is rolled down before I can. I'm surprised to find James sitting in the driver's seat with tears falling down his face. It really breaks my heart.

"Hey, you alright?" I ask, opening the door. I get into the car and shut the door, watching James with worry. I don't know what to say, so I just rub his back, hoping to make him feel a little better. Gosh, I hate seeing him cry.

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Jay, what are you-"

"I was watching the concert and someone was like 'look, it's her crazy ex-boyfriend'." He sniffles, wiping his eyes. I reach out, wiping a few tears from his cheeks. I don't know what to think right now. James isn't crazy! He has a mental illness, yes, but he's not crazy. I know James Diamond and he's a really great person.

"So...do you think I'm crazy?"

"No!" I say, keeping my voice firm. I'm not about to let him put himself down like this, all because of what one stupid person said. Anyone that calls the mentally ill "crazy" is ignorant about mental illness. It's not the person's fault that they're mentally ill, so they shouldn't be judged as "crazy" or anything like that.

"Are you gonna watch the rest of the concert?" I question. He shakes his head, looking straight ahead. I shrug, continuing to rub his back and shoulder. I wish I knew who called him crazy, so I could kick some asses. I mean, why say that about someone as sweet as James? He's a great guy and he doesn't have to be perfect.

"Do you think you could drive? I'm tired." He whispers, still wiping tears away. I watch sadly, nodding as I run my fingers through his hair. Hurriedly, we switch seats and I start the car, eyeing James sympathetically. No, he's not crazy. He's got his problems like anyone else and that's fine. Don't we all have problems?

"Let's get you home." I say, patting his shoulder before backing out of the parking space.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

"You can feel a little bit, right?" I ask eagerly.

"Sure can!" Logan answers, trying to move his leg. To our excitement, he does manage to move it just a little bit. He's not walking yet, but this is a good start. Not only will it be good for him, but it'll be good for Gabi too. It'll be nice for her daddy to be able to carry her and play with her like other daddies do.

"Carlos, are you listening to the Biebs again?" Kendall questions. Carlos is listening to his iPod and shaking his rear to whatever tune he's listening to. Does he realize that he has the volume turned up _really loud_? I have no problem hearing the "Baby, baby, baby, oohhh" coming from his earphones.

"That was the night from hell!" James groans as he and Lucy walk into the apartment.

"What happened?" I question, lifting Gabi into my arms.

"Apparently, Dominique's fans refer to me as her "crazy" ex-boyfriend." James replies, trudging to his room. I frown at his three best friends, not liking what I just heard. I don't know why people refer to the mentally ill as "crazy." I've never liked that term. I have a cousin with Bipolar and she gets called crazy all the time. It makes me wanna punch someone in the face.

"He's tired." Lucy insists, although I can see the worry in her eyes. Trust me, I'm worried too. I mean, I know it must have killed him to hear someone call him crazy. Well, he can be assured that his friends and family don't think that at all. We know him better than that!

"Baby, baby, baby, ooohhh!" Carlos sings, shaking his behind. It's hard not to laugh when Lucy chucks a pillow at him, instantly grabbing his attention. In a hurry, he turns the iPOD off and removes the earphones sitting them down.

"Um," Kendall starts. "You know what? I'm not even gonna ask."

* * *

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	19. Trouble

**James's POV**

I...am gonna be sick. Big Time Rush is kicking off the big tour tonight and the anxiety is killing me. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan are all excited about it, even though Logan has only barely started walking again. Me? I just wanna get up and get out of here...and go hide in my closet. I...I can't go onstage yet. I just know that I'll screw up and then my career will be over anyway, so I might well not even try.

"Jay? You ready?" Kendall peeks his head into the dressing room. Instead of responding, I just keep looking at my pathetic reflection in the mirror. I look great, sure, but I'm surely gonna mess this up. Gustavo would be mad if I refused to perform, though, so I have no choice. I...I'm gonna have to suck it up and get out there.

"DOGS, HURRY UP!"

"Come on." Kendall squeezes my shoulder. It doesn't do much to comfort me, though. I'm still terrified, even though I'm fully aware that I have to go onstage. I just...I don't know. I'm scared, okay? What if the fans don't even want me? Maybe they've all decided I'm crazy and don't wanna support me anymore.

"James, come on." Kendall murmurs, guiding me out of the dressing room. Gulping, I look over at my bandmates waiting by the elevator that will lift us onto the stage. Oh god...I can't do this!

Slowly, I begin to back away, but Kendall gently grabs me, frowning. "What's wrong, buddy?"

"I'm gonna mess this up, I just know it."

"Jay, you won't." Carlos insists, helping Logan stay standing. He's managed to relearn most of our routines, which is good, but he's still a bit wobbly sometimes. I think he'll be fine, though. He just moves a little slower than the rest of us do, but we've slowed the routines down for him so it doesn't look unusual.

"How do you know?!" I retort, grabbing a paper bag off a nearby table. I breathe into it, trying to calm myself down. Oh god, the lights have dimmed. I'm gonna end up fainting as soon as we get to the stage. SOMEONE HIDE ME!

"Jay, calm down!" Mama Knight tells me, reaching out. She pulls me into a hug, even when Gustavo screams at us to get into position. Finally, she lets me go and I take a deep breath, following my bandmates to the little elevator. Taking deep breaths only calms me a little bit, but I can still feel sweat beginning to form.

"You'll be fine." Kendall whispers.

I run a hand through my hair, the nausea seeming to get worse. It's too late to back down, so I better get myself together...and put on one hell of a show.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

Our opening song is 24/Seven, one of my personal favorites off our third album. I'm having a great time being back onstage, but I do feel a bit concerned for James. He's putting on a mask for our fans, but I know him better than that. He doesn't really wanna be up here tonight. For me, it's not hard to see that.

Logan's doing pretty good, even though he's stumbled a few times. He only got the surgery back in December and it's been four months since then, so he's still got a long way to go before he's _completely _back to normal. He insisted on performing on his own two feet, though. We were initially reluctant, but we finally gave in.

Carlos is commanding the stage like a pro. In fact, I think he's doing better than the rest of us. James is having an internal freakout, Logan's barely learning to walk again, and I'm too worried about James to really enjoy this as much as I could, even though it does feel good to perform again.

Just when I start to feel a little better, I notice James looking at something in the dance. Worried, I follow his eyes, horror coming over me. On one sign, WELCOME BACK, CRAZY JAMES is written in big black letters. Oh my god...who would come to our show just to say something like that?

"I'm getting out of here." James whispers, turning around. He seems a bit wobbly, though. Dizziness can happen when someone gets too panicky, I guess.

I try to keep a hold on him, but it's too late. Next thing anyone knows, he loses consciousness and falls back, crashing to the floor below.

"JAMES!"

* * *

**Katie's POV**

"His head's bleeding, his right arm appears to be broken, the same goes for his left leg." A paramedic says as James is lifted onto a stretcher. Seeing this just makes me sick, especially after someone actually had the nerve to bring a sign referring to James as "crazy." God, I really hate that word.

"What about the rest of the tour?" Someone questions.

"We'll worry about that later." Kelly answers, watching as James is wheeled off to the ambulance. I feel my fists clinching, probably because I'm feeling a huge urge to hit someone. I'd like to find the person that wrote that sign, but there's thousands of people here. I'd never find the idiot.

"Jay, you're gonna be okay." Kendall says, squeezing James's hand. Sadly, he's not awake to respond, which breaks my young heart. I don't know why things keep going wrong. I was so excited about tonight because I thought that this might be the start of a big comeback for the guys, but it's falling apart.

"SOMEBODY IS GONNA GET IT!" Gustavo screams, throwing a microphone stand across the stage. I would normally laugh, but I don't think this is a time for laughter. I'm way too scared to do anything except try holding back tears.

"Gustavo, let's just get to the hospital and make sure that James is okay!" Kelly snaps, storming onto the stage. I whimper as I walk over to my brother, resting my head against his chest. I don't understand how things got so bad. One day we were just a happy family living in LA, then James's schizophrenia emerged and everything began spiraling out of control.

"You know, maybe we're not ready for this." Logan finally states.

"Man, what are you-" Carlos starts to reply.

"Maybe Hollywood just isn't for us anymore! Maybe our attempts at a comeback keep failing because we're not suppose to be in the Hollywood scene!" Logan rants, pacing rapidly. "Maybe I'm suppose to go to college, maybe Kendall's suppose to be a hockey player, maybe Carlos is meant to do...whatever, and maybe James just needs to stay the hell out of the spotlight!"

"Logan, just calm down-" Kendall tries to plead with him, but I don't think it's working. He's still pacing and ranting and just throwing a fit. I almost feel like doing the same, but I just...I don't know. All I know is that I'm absolutely terrified.

* * *

**Gustavo's POV**

I...am...infuriated. Not at the boys, but at the sick jerks that keep bullying them. It makes me sick every time someone accused James of being crazy because I know he's not. I knew someone with a mental illness and I always hated when someone said "oh, he's just crazy." I may seem like a jerkface sometimes, but I'm not heartless. I'm protective of my dogs, even though I may not admit it.

This hospital waiting room isn't where I planned on spending the night. I thought we'd be riding the tour buses down to Phoenix, ready for BTR's next show. However, we're here instead. I knew James was nervous, but I didn't think his nerves would cause him to pass out.

"Guys, let's just try to relax." Kelly says calmly. "I'm sure James will be fine."

I huff and cross my arms, hoping that she's right. I'll just keep my tough music producer persona and hope that everything will work out. All I really know is that I'm giving Logan's earlier rant careful thought. As much as I love the boys and wanna keep working with them, I can't help wondering if Logan might be right. Could this really be it for Big Time Rush?

I'm about to speak up, but a doctor interrupts.

"James Diamond?"

* * *

**Ooh, cliffhanger! 0.0**

**What do you think the doctor's gonna say? ;)**

**Review! :D**


	20. Plans

**Logan's POV**

"He suffered a pretty nasty blow to the head." The doctor explains. "We sticked him up, but he'll likely have some memory loss for a while. He also broke his right arm and his left leg. However, although it'll take some time, I'm confident that he'll make a full recovery."

Simultaneous sighs of relief fill the waiting room, including one from me. I cuddle Gabi as I blink back tears, not understand how things got so bad. Things were going so well, you know? Then James got sick and suddenly our lives were changed forever. It's not James's fault that he has schizophrenia, but I hate how it has affected everything. Now he's laying up in a hospital because of an anxiety attack that ended with him getting hurt. I _hate _that.

"Can we see him?" Mama Knight pleads.

"Of course! Right this way." We are led down the hallway toward the ICU, a place we've become all too familiar with. James has been here two other times, so we've gotten to know the place. I wish we could get a break, though. I'm sure James doesn't love being in and out of the hospital either.

"He's in here." Doctor Clark says, gently pushing the door open. James looks, well, not so great. He's got a cast on his right arm, another on his left leg, and a bandage wrapped around his head. He looks like he barely even realizes that we're here.

"James? Honey?" Mama Knight whispers, approaching our injured friend. "How are you doing, sweetie?"

"Mmm..." That's all we get from him. He doesn't say any actual words and it worries me, but I don't say much because I honestly don't feel like it. He's probably tired and doesn't feel like talking. Yeah, that has to be it! Who wouldn't be tired after a day like this? I can't help feeling worried, though.

"I...where am I?"

"You're in the hospital." Doctor Clark explains. "You fell off the stage during your band's concert. You suffered a minor head injury, a broken arm, and a broken leg, so you're gonna be in pain for a while, okay?"

James groans again, closing his eyes. Mama Knight rubs his shoulder and I watch sadly as he declines to respond. Gabi babbles and tries to grab the cap off my head, but Camille takes her from me before she can pull it off. I wouldn't mind, but someone would have to pick it up, and it couldn't be me because I'm only barely beginning to regain mobility.

"Guys, can we talk outside?" Carlos murmurs to Kendall and I.

"Yeah, I think we need to talk." Kendall agrees, giving James's shoulder a squeeze before the three of us leave the room.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

All is silent was Kendall, Logan, and I walk down the hall, out of the ICU. From the minute we left the venue, I thought about what Logan talked about. You know, about leaving the Hollywood scene behind. As much as I love being in Big Time Rush, I think that he might be right. I don't think that any of us are cut out for show business anymore, especially not James.

"Look, I-"

"Let's face it." Kendall interrupts. "Big Time Rush is done and I think we need to accept that. We need to move on and do something else with our lives. I was thinking that maybe...maybe we could all go to college together next year."

Logan and I furrow our eyebrows, curious about Kendall's suggestion. You know, I've never thought of myself as college material, but this sounds like a good idea. Even though Big Time Rush won't exist anymore, we would still get to be together if we all go to the same college. We could get an apartment together and we wouldn't have to be separated.

"I actually think that would be a good idea." Logan agrees. "I could major in medicine, Kendall could major in physical education or something, James could major in music, and Carlos could major in criminal justice! We'd all get an apartment together and we could still be a family. We just won't be Big Time Rush anymore."

I actually smile at the thought. Me majoring in criminal justice...yeah, I've always wanted to be a police officer like my dad. So such a major would be perfect for me. I just hope that I could fit into a college environment. I'm not exactly as major as most college age people. However, I'm sure I would be fine as long as I'm with my friends.

"We'll have to wait until James has recovered, though." I point out.

"Of course! Now, what were you gonna say?" Kendall asks me.

"Oh, I was just gonna talk about leaving BTR behind, kind of like you suggested." I answer, a soft smile on my face. I hate that the band is most likely over, but sometimes things don't always turn out the way you plan. You just have to accept it and move on, and find whatever it is that you're meant to do.

"How are we gonna tell James, though?" Logan wonders.

"Ugh, I forgot that we have to tell him." Kendall throws his hands to his face. Yeah, that is something we need to consider. This was James's dream and even though there's been a lot of problems, he may not wanna give it up so easily. Of course, he has a mental illness, so does he really have a say in the matter? I even heard that his dad wants to get a freaking conservatorship over him. If anyone's gonna get one, I think it should be Mama Knight. She's been more like a parent to James than anyone.

"Hey, we'll figure something out." I inhale, trying to ignore the anxiety filling me. I know we'll eventually have to tell him our plan, but maybe now just isn't the right time.

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

"What are you doing here?" Gustavo asks as I enter the waiting room.

"Look, I'm not going anywhere, so you might as well deal with it." I retort, taking a seat. Okay, I'm not really capable of having much empathy or respect for others, but that doesn't mean that I don't have a right to visit my ex-boyfriend in the hospital. I may not be capable of love in the same sense as others are, but I can have pleasant feelings for people.

"I...I don't think James needs to...I don't think he needs to see you right now." Kelly states, sounding so calm that it's annoying. Luckily, I'm on medication and my violent tendencies are under control. Besides, I wouldn't take my anger out on someone like Kelly. I'd go for Gustavo first or maybe one of James's bratty annoying little friends.

"I'm gonna go to see him." I reply, standing up and quietly exiting. I ignore their protests as I walk toward the ICU, keeping my head held high. Some people glare at me along the way, but luckily I'm not really capable of truly giving a damn about anyone's opinions.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." I snap at some onlookers, approaching the door to James's room. I start to reach for the doorknob, but a familiar voice stops me.

"LEAVE." Kendall's says in that usual firm voice he uses when I'm around. Taking a deep breath, I turn around, feeling much too exhausted to argue with him. Look, does he not realize that I have just as much of a right to see James as he does? If James doesn't want me around, he'll say so. It's up to him, not his friends.

"I'm pretty sure you don't own this hospital." I reply, crossing my arms.

"Yeah, but I have a right to protect my best friend." Kendall brings his face close to mine. I just stand here looking bored out of my mind, since I _am _pretty bored. When people throw their silly little tantrums, it doesn't do anything except bore me to death.

"Hmm..."

"I'm not kidding." Kendall snarls. "I'm not afraid to throw you out."

I roll my eyes, peeking at my injured ex-boyfriend before shooting Kendall a dirty look and walking past him. I'm not in the mood for drama anyway, especially not any that involves Kendall, Carlos, or Logan. For now, I'm done here, but I'm never gonna give up on James. I'll do whatever it takes to get him to forgive me.

* * *

**So BTR's big time OVER:( Sad, right? **

**However, at least they're gonna stick together! :)**

**Review! :D**


	21. Fight

**Who else watched Escape From Polygamy (staring Presley Henderson, Logan's sister) on Lifetime? :D**

* * *

**Gustavo's POV**

I can't believe I'm losing my dogs. I mean, I may not always be so gentle with them, but I care about my boys. However, I suppose giving up show business might be for the best. I mean, Hollywood hasn't been very kind to them. Maybe they really do need to step away from the spotlight for a while.

I take a deep breath as I look around my office. A picture of the boys is sitting on my desk, one that was taken of them after the Tween Choice Awards last year. They look genuinely happy, then I think about real life and I remember that things have changed since that picture was taken. Not good changes either.

"It's probably a good idea." Kelly peeks her head into the room. "Those boys deserve a break...and I think a college education would be good for them."

I shrug, walking past her. I know what she means, but that doesn't mean i'm happy about it. I see the potential in those boys, but I won't get the chance to see them reach the same level of success as bands like Backstreet Boys or Nsync. I know they'll find other ways to be successful, but I was really hoping that I could keep working with them. I'll never find another band like Big Time Rush.

I'm Gustavo Rocque, though. I'm fearless, powerful, successful...so why do I feel so upset over this? I know I said I care about the boys, but I didn't think losing them would hurt this much. It does, though. It really, really hurts, but I can't admit that in front of Kelly. All I know is that I will never forget these few years spent on creating a truly amazing band.

* * *

**Lucy's POV**

"My...head hurts."

My heart shatters when James utters those three words. I know he hit his head pretty hard when he fell off the stage, so it's not too surprising. I just...I hate seeing him scared and in pain. Even more, I hate whoever upset him by bringing their hate to his concert. If you don't like someone, why go to their concert just to show off your hate?

"I know, baby, I know." Mama Knight strokes his hair, kissing his forehead. I smile sadly, leaning against the door frame. For a while, I stand here and watch him, until I finally can't watch any longer and I have to turn around and leave, due to my anger toward the Big Time Rush haters getting the best of me.

I realize that not everyone likes the same things you do, but I think it's important to respect others with different views. Everyone needs to respect even the ones they don't like, unless said person is a murderer or rapist. Then you can hate them all you want, but if someone isn't hurting anyone, then they deserve to be left alone.

"I'm here for James Diamond."

I narrow my eyes upon seeing _her _at the nurse's desk. I don't...I don't know how Dominique can come to the hospital to "visit" James, knowing all the trouble she caused. Especially for James! She put him under way more stress than he deserved. Did she truly care about his schizophrenia? I think her assurance and comfort was nothing more than a lie, a lie to keep James blinded to her true self.

"Okay, that's it." I grumble, walking toward her. In a hurry, I grab her arm and yank her away from the nurses station, refusing to allow her any opportunity to cause James anymore stress. Quite honestly, I think she deserves to get her ass kicked _hard_. I've actually been waiting for a chance to smack her.

"What...are...you...doing here?!" I whisper in my harshest tone.

"Didn't I already make it clear that I have a right to visit him?"

"Uh, not if someone gets a restraining order." I snarl. I don't know why Dominique seems so amused by this. Does she think that a restraining order _won't _happen? Well, she's mistaken. If she keeps forcing her way into our lives, we _can _get a restraining order. Quite honestly, I'd really like to do that because I don't want her anywhere near James.

"Are you threatening because you want James for yourself? FYI, he'll _never _want a slut like you."

That pushes me over the edge. Finally, I raise my fist, punching her across the face. She cries out at first, but recovers long enough to give me a hard shove. She thinks she's gonna beat me? Yeah right! Even though nurses have began stepping in, trying to break up the fight, I manage to get Dominique on the ground and throw a few more punches.

"GIRLS!" One doctor yelps as security arrives.

"I'm not stopping until she's out of here!" I yell, hitting the girl once more. That's when a guard grabs my arms and pulls me off the floor, while another does the same for Dominique. Oh, why did they have to stop us right now? I really thought I was gonna be able to do some damage to this witch.

"I don't wanna hurt him!" Dominique shrieks at me.

"LIAR!" I roar as I'm pulled away. I only calm down when I'm dragged around the corner, and can no longer see her. Truthfully, I'm glad. I don't want to see her _ever again._

* * *

**James's POV**

"Can you believe them?"

"Mmmm..." I moan, opening my eyes. "W-what happened?"

"Oh! Uh..." Kendall hesitates, glancing anxiously at Carlos and Logan. I eye them with curiosity, although my eyes droop a bit due to exhaustion. These past few days have been _really _stressful and just tiring. I've been in pain ever since the accident and I...I still can't get the word "crazy" out of my head. Am I really crazy?

"Just be honest with him." Logan sighs.

"Lucy and Dominique...got into a fight." Kendall finally says. "They were both kicked out of the hospital."

I scoff, looking at my friends with disbelief. I'm scared to even ask _how _such a thing happened. Who provoked who? What was Dominique even doing here? I mean, there is a part of me that will always care about her, but I'm just not ready to see her. I tried going to her concert and showing support, but that's when I realized that it's better for me to just stay away from her.

"Just try to relax, okay?" Carlos advises, touching my shoulder. I gulp, sinking into the soft pillows. How can I relax? My ex-girlfriend and one of my good friends got into a fight that resulted in them getting kicked out of the hospital. Why did Lucy fight her anyway? If Dominique showed up, I could have handled her. I'm a grown man, okay?

"It's like no one thinks I can fight my own battles anymore." I whisper, staring at the ceiling.

"Jay, it's not that!" Logan insists. "We just...we wanna protect you."

"I'm a big boy." I murmur, taking a deep breath. "I can take care of myself."

You know what sucks, though? When I look at them, I can see in their eyes that they don't agree with me. Just because of my illness, they don't think I'm capable of handling my own problems. It's like I'm suppose to just stay trapped in a box for the rest of my life, while everyone around me just _lives. _Have they ever thought that maybe I wanna live too?

"Jay-" Kendall starts.

"Just forget it." I run my good hand through my hair. "Please, just forget it."

"James-"

"I MEAN IT." I raise my voice, my breathing becoming heavier. I have to breathe in and out just to get myself calm again, but even that doesn't do much good. I look at my friends with tears in my eyes, repeating my request in a low whisper. "Forget it."

* * *

**Review! :D**


	22. Released

**James's POV**

"Be careful, sweetie." Mama Knight says, gently helping me into the back of the van. I whimper in pain, but slowly slide into the seat. Really, I'm just happy to be out of the hospital and on my way to the Palm Woods, which I'll be leaving soon. You know, part of me honestly hates to leave Hollywood behind, but I can see that it's for the best. I can't handle it right now and I...I realize that.

"Hey, I wonder if we could get tacos later." Katie suggests. I sigh, although tacos does sound like a good idea for dinner tonight. I'm just not feeling so great, both physically and mentally. I'm so tired and stressed that it's almost ridiculous. I hate feeling like this, but what can I do? When am I gonna feel happy again?

"We'll see." Mama Knight gets in the driver's seat, starting up the engine. I hate the way the guys are watching me, but I can't bring myself to complain. For one, I'm too exhausted. Secondly, I feel like I don't even have any right to complain anymore. Maybe it's a right that I don't deserve.

"Let's turn some music on." She suggests, turning the radio on. I almost laugh when Carlos starts singing Miley Cyrus's "We Can't Stop," but Mama Knight quickly changes the station. I guess you could say that she's just much of a Miley fan, especially after that performance at the VMAs in August. Even I was shocked at that one.

"Awww, why'd you change it?" Carlos whines.

"Because there's a young girl in the car." Mama Knight's voice is flat, clearly expressing that she's far from amused. Lucky for her, Katie isn't really a Miley fan. Her favorite person right now is Demi Lovato, which we're all okay with because we love Demi. I wish I could be as strong as she has been.

"And my homegirls here with big bu-"

"Don't say it!" Mama Knight promptly interrupts Carlos's attempt to sing the tune. I barely chuckle, sitting quietly as she backs out of the parking space. I can't believe that this is my last day in Los Angeles before we all go back to Minnesota. I really will miss LA, but I've gotta think about my health first.

"Mama Knight, can we go to a Miley Cyrus concert?"

"First of all, there are no tour dates yet." Mama Knight replies. "Secondly, no."

Okay, why do I suddenly feel like laughing? Seriously! It feels pretty good, though. I mean, I haven't done much laughing lately. However, I still feel like crap. Carlos and Mama Knight's discussion just gives me a little amusement. I'm thankful for it, but I don't think it's enough to completely heal me.

"You okay, man?" Kendall whispers.

"Yeah." I smile softly, nodding. "I'm fine."

* * *

**Jo's POV**

"Gabi's so happy!" I kiss Gabi's nose, listening to her precious giggles. While Camille is getting apartment 3S ready for James's homecoming, she asked me to babysit her and Logan's little girl. You know, spending time with Gabi kind of makes me want a child of my own. I know Kendall probably doesn't want any kids right now, though. I don't even know if he wants to _marry_ me, let alone have a family.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn't really commit to me because of my schizophrenia. I know it's a troubling illness and he's already dealt with James's illness, but I'm not crazy or abnormal. I think I could be a good wife and mother, but I won't get the chance to show it if Kendall won't settle down with me.

"Ba ba ba ba ba..." Gabi babbles. I smile as I lift her into my arms, tickling her tummy. I'm surprised that Camille left me alone with her daughter, but I'm glad she did. I've handled the responsibility just fine so far. Now I'm getting ready to visit 3S and wait for the guys to return from picking James up.

"You wanna see your uncles?" I coo, grabbing the diaper bag. Gabi squeals, chewing on a strand of my hair. You know, it's quite amazing how she looks so much like Logan, except for the fact that she's a girl. She has his eyes, possibly his temples, his hair color, but she likely got her mother's personality.

"Aaaah..." She rants in baby language as I walk toward the elevator.

As I stand in the elevator, occasionally acknowledging Gabi, I look at my reflection in the walls and wonder why I can't get my boyfriend to consider creating a life with me. He always tells me that he loves me and I know he means it, but I think he's scared to marry me. Maybe he doesn't think he can handle me?

"Gabs, do you think Auntie Jo is crazy?" I wonder, waiting for the doors to open. Of course Gabi doesn't respond. I mean, she's just a little baby. I guess I'm just looking for someone that's willing to listen. Gabi doesn't mind as long as someone's talking to her. She just loves attention, which we're all happy to give her.

Ding!

"Let's go." I whisper, pecking her cheek. She squeals in reply, which manages to get some laughter out of me. I guess I'm not really in a laughing mood, though. Ever since it was decided that the guys would leave Los Angeles and return to their hometown, I've been thinking about the future of my relationship with Kendall. Can we even have a relationship at all?

I'll have to make up my mind before they leave tomorrow.

* * *

**James's POV**

"Why can't I talk?"

"Because your leg's broken." Kendall answers, pushing me through the doorway. I huff, frustrated at the fact that I have zero independence right now. If I didn't have a broken arm, I'd probably punch a wall. I'm sorry to sound like a jerk, but I do not handle being injured very well. I like my freedom and independence.

"Ugh..." I groan.

"Hi!" Camille greets, playfully ruffling my hair. I give her a sarcastic smile in reply before looking at the floor ahead. I'm in no mood to be messed with at the moment so the best thing that could happen is me being allowed to go to my room and _sleep. _That is, if anyone will let me. Knowing Carlos, he'll wake me up every twenty minutes.

"Hey, Cam made mac and cheese." Jo points out. Sure enough, there's a plate of mac and cheese on the dining table. This brings out a little bit of enthusiasm from me. I do love mac and cheese, and hair products. Although I've toned down my passion for appearances in the past couple of years.

"Dada!" Gabi exclaims, pointing at Logan.

"Hi, angel." Logan slowly makes his way over to her, lifting her out of the play pen. Since he and Camille are married, she and Gabi will be coming to Minnesota with us. She specifically said that she's less interested in fame and Hollywood now that she's a mom. I'm glad that she puts her daughter first.

"Can I go to my room?" I murmur, giving Gabi a half hearted smile.

"Sure thing, bud." Kendall states, grabbing the handles of my wheelchair. Gabi babbles as I'm wheeled past her and I wave with my good hand, laughing softly at her cuteness. Now, I'm gonna enjoy some peace and quiet, just me and my iPod. Who knows? I might even read a magazine or something. All I know is that I'm tired and I wanna be left alone because I'm in no mood to deal with people.

"Can I tell you something before I leave, though?"

"Sure." I answer as Kendall helps me into bed.

"Um, it's about me and Jo." He takes a deep breath, sitting on the mattress and looking at the floor. He inhales again, rubbing the back of his neck. Frowning, I wait for him to continue, dying of anticipation. I know he's been kind of concerned about the future of their relationship, so I'm wondering if he's made a decision.

"I..." He hesitates. "I'm gonna break up with her."

* * *

**Well, I started school yesterday and I'm taking this art class that I just know I'm gonna LOVE:)**

**Review! :D**


	23. Tragedy

***prepares tissues and ice cream* You're gonna need these**

* * *

**Jo's POV**

"So...you're...breaking up with me." I inhale, looking up at Kendall. He, the guys, Camille, Gabi, Mama Knight, and Katie are all leaving for Minnesota today, and I hate that. Even worse, now he's apparently dumping me. All my hopes of becoming his wife and the mother of his children have been crushed.

"Look, there's no way that we can have a long distance relationship." Kendall sounds way too calm for my liking. I...I'm not mad at him, but I just...I can't handle the thought of life without him. That's exactly why I need to get away from him, so I don't end up bursting into tears. The last thing I need is for him to think I'm weak...or at least weaker than I already am.

"I..I've gotta go!" I stammer, turning around and hurrying toward the elevator.

When I make it to my apartment and I'm finally alone, I get an idea. Others may not like it, but it'll do us all some good. Well, at least it'll do _me _good.

Next thing I know, I'm walking to my room and grabbing belt from the closet. Then I just stare at it for a while, occasionally glancing at the ceiling fan. Should I? Since I don't have any future with Kendall, why should I have a future at all? Yeah, I'm done. I'm completely, one hundred percent done with living.

Ten minutes later, I'm standing on my desk chair, the belt wrapped tightly around my neck.

_I'm sorry._

* * *

**Camille's POV**

"Guys, I'll talk to her." I say, walking to the elevator. I saw Kendall and Jo talking, and I could tell by Jo's face that it wasn't a good conversation. I better make sure she's okay, and that she hadn't done anything stupid. I have compassion for the mentally ill, but I don't trust them that much either. You never really know what they'll do.

"Cam, I'm gonna come with you." James states, limping after me. I shrug, presses the button to Jo's floor. I understand exactly why Kendall broke up with Jo, but I can't help feeling a little sorry for my best friend. She loves Kendall and it have broken her heart to hear him end their relationship. I can't let her grieve alone.

"Jo!" I call when we enter her apartment.

"Jo, where are you?"

"Check her room." I tell James, frowning at the eery silence. James nods in response, slowly inching toward Jo's room. Meanwhile, I stand patiently, waiting for him to return with our blonde friend.

"OH MY GOD!"

"What's wrong?!" I yell suddenly, running toward the bedroom. What I see isn't what I expected, or hoped, to see. Jo, hanging from the ceiling fan, a belt wrapped around her neck. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my dear god...I'm in too much shock to even cry. All James and I are able to do is get Jo's lifeless body down, placing her on the floor.

"Jo, wake up!" I shout, shaking her. Never once does she acknowledge our presence. It gets even worse when I check her pulse. Sh-she d-doesn't h-have doesn't have a pulse, she's not breathing, she's...sh-she's d-dead. My best friend, practically my sister, committed suicide. The minute I realize that is the minute I start crying.

"J-jay, g-go g-get h-help." I sob, clinging to Jo's body. With tears streaming down his face, James runs off, leaving me and Jo all alone. "Jo, you have t-to l-li-live. O-okay? You have to!"

Only a few minutes pass, but it seems more like hours, before James returns with his bandmates and some others. Mama Knight is on the phone with 911, but I can't listen to what she's saying because I'm sobbing too hard. Next thing I know, I'm pulled into Logan's arms, while Kendall pulls Jo into his own.

"I'm sorry." Kendall murmurs over and over again. I really just wanna strangle him, but I know this isn't his fault. When he broke up with her, he probably had no idea that she was this emotionally and mentally unstable. I suppose I can't put the blame on him, since he never told her to do this.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Carlos runs to the restroom, but I'm the only one that notices. Everyone else is either in shock or crying. I can't see Logan's face so I don't know how he's reacting. All that matters is that he's hugging me, but that's not doing much to comfort me. He's trying, though.

"The ambulance is on its way." Mama Knight informs us, shakily kneeling beside her son and his ex-girlfriend.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

**"Breaking news: New Town High Star, Jo Taylor, has been rushed to the hospital following a suicide attempt!"**

I watch coldly as a nurse turns the TV off and gives us a sympathetic look, feeling terribly close to either punching myself or a wall. What was I thinking? I love Jo, I always have and I always will! So why did I break up with her? I thought it had something to do with long distance, but I actually did it because I'm stupid. Now she's probably dead and there's nothing I can do.

"Shhh." James cradles Gabi in his arms, trying to calm her down. She's been getting fussy for the past few minutes and it's probably because she needs a nap. Well,I wish I were her right now. I know that sounds weird, but I miss the carefree days of infancy and childhood. The little ones are the most innocent.

"I don't know why she would do this." Lucy whispers. I shrug in response, crossing my arms. I will never be able to forget the image of Jo's lifeless body. It's been permanently tattooed on my brain and if Jo's dead, that'll make it even worse. I don't think I can possibly imagine life without her. I...I _love _her.

"Ugh, don't sing that song." I groan as Lucy begins humming "My Immortal" by Evanescence. My bandmates murmur in agreement, while I anxiously glance at the waiting room entrance. I'm dying for a doctor to walk in and say that they saved Jo. I have a bad feeling, though. When the paramedics came, she looked like she was _already _dead.

"Ahem!"

Our heads seem to snap up simultaneously, just as a middle aged man in a white coat enters. Suddenly, I feel nauseous because the look on his face doesn't imply anything positive about Jo's condition. He looks quite professional, but there's also sadness in his eyes that only comes when he has lost a patient.

"I'm sorry, we did everything we could."

Jo's mom and dad instantly start crying, along with Camille, but the rest of us just kind of sit in shock and horror. I...I don't wanna believe this. I-I-I _can't _believe this. Jo can't be dead! She just can't! She has her family, her friends, her boyfriend, her career! How could she throw it all away like this?

"I-I've g-gotta go!" I jump out of my seat, running toward the exit. I can't breathe...oh my god, I can't breathe. How...how could Jo do this? Why would she kill herself because of me? It's not like I'm worth it! She had her whole life ahead of her and she could have found someone else, but she chose to end her life.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!" I scream at the sky. She's dead, but I know she can hear me. I _know _she can. "YOU LEFT YOUR LOVED ONES BEHIND!"

After a few minutes of screaming and ranting, I drop to my knees on the concrete, finally letting my tears out.

* * *

***laughs nervously* Please don't hate me?**

**Review! :D**


	24. Grief

**Well, I only have three days of school this week! :)**

* * *

**James's POV**

"Okay, I cancelled your flight and the airport's giving a full refund for the tickets." Kelly informs us, walking into mine and Carlos's hotel room. For some reason, Kendall has been avoiding me ever since we left the hospital. I wish he'd tell me why, but I don't think he's in any position to be interrogated. Besides, I've got my own concerns about Jo's death.

Jo had schizophrenia and she killed herself. I have schizophrenia too. Why if I end up reaching that point someday? The thought of suicide scares me, but it seems like a lot of schizophrenics end up killing themselves or at least attempting to. I'm scared that I'll end up doing the same thing. At this point in time, I don't wanna die.

"Lucy, d-do you kn-know if Jo w-was still t-taking her m-meds?" Camille stutters, leaning against Logan. He hasn't cried much, but I think he wants to. Anyway, we've all been sitting here for the past two hours, trying to understand Jo's desperate escape. Did Kendall simply breaking up with her trigger something? We don't know and maybe we never will. She didn't even take the time to leave a note. It's like she was in a hurry to leave as soon as possible.

"I dunno." Lucy murmurs. "I thought she was, but I don't know."

While they keep talking, I step onto the balcony and take my pack of cigarettes out, lighting one. I know it's a bad habit to have, but at least it's not drugs or alcohol. Besides, I need to relax at a time like this. So I just sit down and puff on the cigarette, staring up at the night sky. First, my mom was killed in a car accident. Now Jo has committed suicide. Who are we gonna lose next?

I know it's morbid to think that way, but I don't see how I can be blamed. Part of me even thinks that none of this would happen if I weren't sick. I mean, why did I get schizophrenia anyway? My therapist said that since there's a history of mental illness in my family, that increased my chances of having a mental illness. She said that it's not my fault.

"Jay, smoking isn't good for you."

"Oh, like you've never done it." I say, looking up at Lucy. Trust me, we were at a party once and Lucy was on the patio smoking along with other partygoers. I think she might have been drunk too. So trust me when I say that Lucy's has had hard partying tendencies. Not like Lindsay Lohan, but she's gotten pretty crazy at Hollywood gatherings.

"Yeah, one time." Lucy says, sitting beside me. I roll my eyes, exhaling a cloud of smoke. I don't need anyone telling me what to do, especially not now. I'm gonna have to watch my best friends grieve Jo's death and there's nothing I can do. I mean, I'm grieving too, but...I don't really know how to feel. Scared, I guess?

"Why didn't she leave a note?" I wonder, looking at the stars. "Why did she kill herself in the first place?"

"That's something I don't know, I'm afraid." Lucy answers. I sigh heavily, putting out my cigarette, laying down on the concrete. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes and trying my best to understand. I've attempted suicide before, but I'm glad I never succeeded. As of now, I just have a slight headache, my arm in a cast, and my leg in a cast.

"You really shouldn't do that while you're hurt." Lucy helps me off the floor, getting my crutch for me. Since my right arm's broken, I can only use one crutch to get around, although I usually use a wheelchair when we're gonna be doing a lot of walking. I can't wait until I can walk without assistance.

"I'm fine." I insist, letting her open the door for me. No one looks my way as we reenter, not that I care. I don't want any attention on myself right now. Of course, Carlos will probably try to baby me tonight, but hopefully he won't overdo it. If there's anything that needs babying, it's Gabi because, you know, she _is _a baby.

"Didn't she think about her parents?" Katie wonders. "Didn't she think about what it would do to them?"

I have to agree with Katie, and I'm sure the others agree too. Even if she wanted to die, why didn't she consider other people? Her parents are gonna have to live with this for the rest of their lives! She clearly was only thinking of herself. I'm not gonna be angry with her, but I definitely wish she had been more considerate.

"Where's Kendall?" Logan frowns.

"I don't know." I look around, realizing that Kendall's nowhere to be found.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

I can't believe that Jo would take her own life. How selfish can someone be? I mean, she must have known that her loved ones would suffer if she died, yet she went ahead and did it. I wanna hate her for it, but I can't. All I know is that I'm heartbroken and wishing that I could have her back. I know that her parents want her back even more. I mean, she was their daughter!

"I don't even know what to think." I whisper, walking along the sidewalk. I really don't. I mean, if I had known that breaking up would have triggered Jo to commit suicide, I wouldn't have done it. Either that or I would have went about it differently. I don't know how I would have done that, though.

"Why would you do this?" I murmur, my eyes filling with tears. That's the number one question in my mind. Why would she kill herself? What caused her to feel like she had to take her own life? I mean, was it me? Did our breakup cause it? If that's the case, then her death is my fault and I...I'll never be able to live with myself.

"Jo, you don't know what this has done to us." I breathe, looking up at the sky. "I don't understand. You were beautiful, talented, successful, loved...why would you wanna give that up?"

It takes all my strength not to cry. If her death is really my fault, then I don't deserve to cry. I have no right to! Jo would still be alive if it weren't for me. If there's anyone I should hate, it's myself. Jo wasn't show any sign of mental/emotional instability until I dumped her. I mean, she was taking her meds, she seemed happy, and she was getting better every day. Then I broke up with her and she just...she just snapped.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" I state, wondering if there's a possibility that Jo can hear me. I've always thought that dead people can hear what their living loved ones say. They even look down at the earth and know exactly what's going on with the people still alive. So there could be a possibility that Jo hears me, right?

"Jo, you should still be here." I say, my voice breaking. I begin walking up the stairs to the second level of rooms (yes, you enter the room from outside) and try not to lose my composure. I have absolutely no right to express my grief. I caused this. I _know _I did.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"I'm really glad Kendall came back." Camille whispers, wiping her eyes. I nod, silently holding a babbling Gabi in my arms. Cam has tried to feed her and change her diaper, but hasn't been having an easy time since we left the hospital. So I've been the main one caring for our daughter, not that I mind. I think Gabi enjoyed the change. You know, having daddy feed her instead of mommy. She loves her mom, but something different is always good.

"Gabi, I think it's time for bed." I say, limping over to the bassinet. It's been a little over four months since my stem cell surgery and I'm starting to walk on my own again. I was a paraplegic for more than a year, but now I'm walking again. I honestly thought I'd be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

"Come on, pretty girl." I mutter, kissing the baby's cheek. Gabi begins yelling in baby language, clearly not wanting to sleep. I'm only able to emit a small chuckle, considering I'm not really that happy at the moment. I'm scared for Kendall, honestly. I'm scared for my wife too. I mean, Jo was her best friend.

"Go to sleep." I lower Gabi into the bassinet, pulling the blanket over her. Then I kiss her forehead, sniffling before walking over to the bed that Cam and I are sharing. I watch worriedly for a moment before crawling under the covers and snuggling up to her. Even after crying, she's still gorgeous.

"Good night, baby." I whisper, kissing the back of her head.

"Good night."

* * *

**Awww:'( **

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	25. Bitter

**I hope this isn't too short! I was in school today, then I had to meet with some fellow students about a group project, then I went to the mall and out to eat! :)**

* * *

**Lucy's POV**

Jo's funeral was today. It was the saddest event that I've ever been to, mainly because she was so young and the cause of death is...upsetting. It was an open casket service and Kendall and Camille are the only ones that didn't view our friend's body. Even though she's dead, she looked really pretty and peaceful. Some fans even came to pay their respects and I spoke to a few of them. They're all heartbroken by her passing, as the rest of us are.

Jo's parents wanted their daughter to be buried in North Carolina, where the family is from. So that's where we are, in North Carolina, mourning the unexpected death of a nineteen year old girl. Surprisingly, even Jett (her New Town High costar) showed emotion as she was lowered into the ground.

Now we're at the home of Jo's aunt, who insisted that the reception be held here. I think the guys went to one of the upstairs bedrooms for some time away from all the mingling and whatever. Well, that and I think that all the excitement was making Gabi a little fussy. I think I might go and check on them.

Quietly, I exit the living room and walk up the stairs, and down the hallway once I'm on the second floor. Finally, I arrive at the door of the guest room, slowly pushing it open. Sure enough, the guys are playing with Gabi, who is currently sitting in James's arms and babbling excitedly.

"Look, Auntie Lucy's here!" Logan coos, pointing at me. I smile, but it fades when I look over at Kendall, who's laying face down on the bed. I think he's grieving almost as much as Mr. and Mrs. Taylor are. I hate to see him like this, but I won't tell him to "cheer up" because I know that he needs time to grieve Jo's death.

"Hey, princess." I reach down and take the baby girl from James, kissing her nose. The funniest thing is how she grabs a strand of my hair and _chews _on it. Even cuter, she giggles as she does it. Ugh, just how adorable is this child gonna get?

"Kendall, are you gonna talk to us?" Carlos frowns. Our blonde friend only mumbles in reply, but none of us acknowledge this. He probably just wants to be left alone, which is understandable. Although, there is a part of me that feels tempted to force him into talking. That wouldn't be such a good idea, would it?

"Aaaahhh..."

"Gabi, do you wanna see mama?" Logan asks as Carlos helps him off the floor. I tickle her tummy before handing her to him, then I sit on the floor beside James. He's been pretty quiet about the situation, but I'd really like to hear what he's thinking. He's not very open, though.

"Guys, do ya'll wanna go ahead and get back to the hotel?" Mama Knight asks, peeking into the room.

"Um, yeah, we'll be downstairs in a minute." Carlos replies before walking over to the bed where Kendall is laying. Meanwhile, I stay sitting beside James, carefully watching him. Reluctantly, I reach out to rub his back, knowing that he's probably holding a lot inside. That's not healthy and I really think he should let it out.

"I'm gonna wait outside." He murmurs, getting up and hurriedly exiting the room. At first, I'm tempted to follow him, but I don't. I...I can't force him to talk if he doesn't want to. Hopefully he'll open up soon, though. I don't know if he should continue to be allowed to hold his emotions inside.

* * *

**Hawk's POV**

It wasn't hurt to find those brats. I knew that Miss Taylor's funeral was being held in North Carolina and obviously they would be attending, so all I had to do was figure out which town the young lady was from. Once I found the location of her aunt's home, I've had no problems. Now I just have to wait until James is alone, so I can strike again.

I hum quietly as I look through some binoculars, watching as my target walks out of the house with a red haired woman and a younger girl. I better get ready to follow them. All hell will freeze over before I miss an opportunity to get revenge on Gustavo Rocque and the little losers that he calls a band. They aren't a real band! They don't have any talent! Doesn't the public understand that? Now if Big Time Rush was signed to Hawk Records, they might be pretty decent.

Ohh, they're all getting in the van! In a hurry, I drop the binoculars in the passenger's seat, clutching the steering wheel. This is it. This is the day that I'll make Gustavo pay for ruining my career and quite frankly, my life.

When the van pulls away from the curb and starts moving down the street, I start up my own engine, slowly following them to wherever. I snicker to myself as I think about all the ways to torture James and destroy Gustavo. Maybe I'm a little sadistic, but that doesn't bother me at all.

But the more I think about them, the angrier I become, and suddenly I can't help but feel tempted to strike right here, right now. I have a huge van and I could easily crash into them. Although, I would like James's pain to be a little...lengthier.

"I'll get you, James Diamond." I whisper, narrowing my eyes. "I'll get you good."

* * *

**James's POV**

"Jay, we're gonna go out for a bit." Carlos informs me later in the day. "You coming?"

"Um...I think I'll just stay here." I reply with a tiny smile. He frowns at first, but after I give him one more smile, he accepts my answer and leaves me alone in our hotel room. Then my smile fades and I pull my knees up to my chest, trying to understand everything that has happened. So much that I can't seem to figure out. I just don't understand why these things happen.

"Jo, I'm sorry, but I _never _wanna be like you." I exhale, looking up at the ceiling. Don't dead people look down at those that are still on Earth? Don't they hear what we say, whether it be directed to them or about them? I don't resent Jo at all, but I worry that my battle with schizophrenia will end in suicide. Maybe Jo's suicide wasn't caused by her schizophrenia, but I have a feeling that it had some part in her death.

"You had so much. You had everything that some people could only dream of having. You...you threw it all away! How could you do that? Now your family, your boyfriend, and your friends, and even your fans, have to spend the rest of their lives without you. Do you feel any remorse for that? _Can _you feel remorse?"

I sniffle, my head snapping up when I hear someone knocking on the door. It's probably Kendall wanting to talk or something. So I get up and walk to the door, unlocking it for him.

"Hello, _James_."

Wait, that's not Kendall. That's Hawk!

"What the hell are you-" A cloth is suddenly placed over my nose and I'm roughly dragged from the room as I almost instantly lose consciousness.

* * *

**Weekend updates will be longer and better, I promise:P**

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	26. Missing

**James's POV**

I wake up a few hours later feeling like utter crap, my head aching quite badly. It doesn't immediately register than I'm in captivity again, but it doesn't take too long to figure it out. As soon as I notice that I'm trapped in a dark basement, I gasp and briefly consider escaping, until I realize that my arms are tied behind my back. Oh my god, not again!

"Wha-" I start, frantically looking around the basement. It looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years. Everything's so dusty and...and...old! My gosh, I feel like I'm gonna be sick. I don't even remember what happened, but I just know that Hawk has something to do with this. Ugh, and just when I was beginning to recover from the previous kidnapping!

"Okay...okay, I've gotta get out of here." I whisper, desperately trying to untie the rope. It doesn't really go my way, though. It turns out to be pretty much impossible to get free, so I finally just give up and hope that my captor will let me go. It's just that there's this open window nearby and if it weren't for the possibility of Hawk walking in, I'd try to get the hell out of here.

"Hey, Jamezzz..." Hawk snickers, walking down the stairs. My breath hitches in my throat and I watch fearfully as he gets closer. What is he gonna do to me? I have no idea and it's really freaking me out. I just don't understand why he's doing this. Why is he so determined to destroy Gustavo and Big Time Rush?

"I-I-" I stammer, unable to speak. I'm much too scared to say anything. I really wish this was just one of my schizophrenic hallucinations, but it seems way too real. It _is _real. Hawk has managed to get me hostage _again. _Oh no...

"You're confused. Aren't you, kiddo?" He chuckles, kneeling in front of me. I give him a disbelieving look, my anger beginning to appear. Confused? CONFUSED?! Freaked out is more like it! My gosh, just how insane and disturbed is this guy? Ugh, I wish I could hit him right now, but I can't because my hands are...unavailable.

"Well, lemme tell you how this is gonna work." He pats my head before standing up. "You're gonna sit here, you're gonna keep your mouth shut, and I'm gonna make your life a living hell. And Gustavo will have to agree to giving up Rocque Records or you _die_."

I whimper, shaking lightly. I just wanna be home with Mama Knight, Katie, and the guys. Instead, I'm here against my will. Will I even be able to get free this time? Will I end up like those kidnap victims who are found dead after weeks of searching? Oh my gosh...the thought makes me actually wanna vomit.

"W-what a-are y-you g-gonna d-d-do to me?" I cry, trying to stop the tears. I hate to be weak, but I'm just so terrified because I don't wanna die and I wanna go home. Basically, I'd rather be anywhere but here and with anyone but him.

"You'll see." Hawk chuckles. Just when I think he's gonna leave, he turns around and kicks me in the stomach, causing me to cry out. Now my entire midsection feels like it's on fire. I almost start screaming, but the look on Hawk's face tells me that I should probably keep my mouth shut. As hard as that might be, I'd rather not piss him off and risk getting beaten anymore.

"Now, shut up and I won't have to do much worse." He growls, nudging me before returning to the staircase and disappearing only a few seconds later.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"Kendall won't talk to anyone." Logan murmurs as we walk back to mine and James's hotel room. I wish I had a response, but I don't. The truth is, I don't really know how we can make Kendall feel better. I mean, his girlfriend committed suicide! I don't see how someone can be comforted after something like that.

"Hey, are you doing okay?" I finally ask.

"I guess." Logan shrugs, handing Gabi to me. I sigh as I kiss the little girl's cheek, watching as Logan takes my room key and opens the door. "James, we're back!"

But we walk into the room, only to find that James is nowhere to be seen. In a panic, I run to the restroom to see if he might be in there, but he's not. He's not even hiding in the closet or under the bed. He would have told us if he planned on going somewhere, right? My gosh, where could he be?!

"James, this isn't funny!" Logan yells. Gabi doesn't even seem to be the least bit aware of what's going on, but it's understandable because she's a baby. Now, I'm seriously about to have a full blown panic attack. My mentally ill best friend is missing...I think. His meds (Abilify and Prozac) are on the sink counter, so that means that if he's been taken, he won't be able to take his meds!

"James!" I yell. Never once do we get a response. Oh no...

"We've gotta tell the others!" Logan says, grabbing my wrist and dragging me back outside.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

"Big brother, you need to do something besides lay around." I sit on the mattress, eyeing Kendall with worried eyes. I don't like seeing him like this, but I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm suppose to say to make him feel better. I guess there isn't really much I _can _say or do. Just give him love and support, I suppose.

"JAMES IS MISSING!"

"What?!" Mom and Lucy shriek, while Kendall shows the first real signs of actual life that I've seen from him all day. The minute Carlos screams that James is...wait, what? Suddenly, I jump off the bed and run over to them, instantly grabbing the front of Carlos's shirt and bringing his face close to mine.

_"What did you say?" _I'm surprised at how menacing my voice sounds. I'm sorry, but James is missing and whoever took him is gonna be very sorry. You mess with James freaking Diamond, you mess with Katie Knight. K to the damn A-T-I-E. Got that?

"J-James is missing and we have no idea where he is." Carlos gulps, handing Gabi to Camille. I slowly release him from my grip, keeping my eyes narrowed. At fourteen years old, I'm definitely not a child and I'll definitely find a way to get revenge on anyone that harms James. Hawk (or whoever) is getting pretty high up on my list.

"I'm calling the police right now!" Mom states, dialing the number. I no longer feel angry at James's kidnapper, just worried. Now I can only hope to God that he's okay and not lying in a ditch somewhere. I couldn't imagine if we had to live without James. He doesn't...he doesn't deserve this.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Lucy wonders. Part of me wants to ask "why do you care?" but Lucy _is _his friend and I guess he's a little too old for me so...okay, I'm sounding totally idiotic. How embarrassing...

"Um, he'll be fine." Kendall whispers, wrapping his arms around me. "I know he will."

You know what's really bad? I don't know if I believe him.

* * *

**Eeep! They better find him soon 0.0**

**Review! :D**


	27. Rescue

**So I joined some Tumblr group a while back (big mistake) and I ended up making a NEW account, for a fresh and drama free start. Please follow me at rusher4life-jamesgirl. tumblr . com:) I originally had a different URL, but I decided to change it! Oh, and I'm gonna start updating regularly again:P I've been lazy since school started, but I'm gonna be better from now on:P**

**Now, prepare yourselves for a very dramatic chapter;)**

* * *

**James's POV**

It...It's dark in this basement. It's _really _dark in here. I'm scared. I'm _really _scared. Will I ever get out of here? I don't know if I will. I'm too scared to even try to escape. I wish I could, though. There's a window that I could probably squeeze through, but there's always a chance that Hawk might come back.

"Alright, punk!" Hawk snaps, storming down the stairs. I whimper upon hearing his booming voice, tears filling my eyes. My stomach still hurts where he kicked me and I just know that he's gonna hurt me even more. I certainly hope that he'll go easy on me, but I doubt that's gonna be the case.

I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. I'm absolutely terrified, obviously. I feel sick to my stomach and death would be better than this.

"We're gonna do a little video chat with your boss and your friends." Hawk sits beside me, placing a laptop in front of us. I watch apprehensively as he takes his phone out of his pocket, dreading what he's gonna do. I'm assuming that he's texting Gustavo. That's not the scariest part, though. No, what scares me is when he gives me a peek at his knife, clearly threatening me.

"You mess anything up and I'll use this." He snarls, pressing the knife against the front of my neck. I suddenly feel like I might actually throw up. I can't, though. While we're video chatting with Gustavo and the guys, I need to be thinking of a way to get myself out of this situation. You know what'll happen if I stay trapped here without my meds? I'll RELAPSE!

"Now, shut up."

Yep, he won't have to worry about me saying _anything_.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Hawk did it! He took James!" Gustavo shrieks, opening his laptop. Apparently, he got a text from Hawk asking to video chat. Me? I'm still grieving over Jo's death, but now I also have one of my best friends to worry about. Not only does James not have his meds with him, but he could also be hurt. James is the last person that deserves to be hurt.

"What does he even wanna talk to us about?" Kelly wonders, sitting beside Gustavo on the bed. I don't know why the police aren't helping us. They said that you have to wait 24 hours before reporting a missing person, which is the stupidest thing that I've ever heard. He's mentally ill and he needs to take his medication!

"Let's find out." Gustavo grumbles, turning the computer on. Just a few seconds later, Hawk appears on the screen...with James. I almost wanna cry, but I can't bring myself to do it. I feel more angry than anything else. How could Hawk hurt James? How could he take the poor guy away from his family and friends, the people that only wanna care for him and make sure that he's okay?

"HAWK, GIVE US JAMES!" Gustavo shrieks. Sadly, I reach out to touch the screen, eyeing James with worry. I cannot believe that this is really happening. James is shaking and he looks so scared, which isn't an emotion that should be shown on James Diamond's face. It's so much better when he's smiling.

"Yeeahhh, I'm not giving him back just yet." Hawk says, making me become even more tense than I already am. He seems to show absolutely no remorse for what he's doing. Ugh, I am beyond pissed right now. You don't hurt someone as wonderful as James and expect to just get away with it. I won't back down until James is safe and free from that sick bastard.

"I swear, Hawk, if you even think about hurting him-" Gustavo growls.

"What are you gonna do?" Hawk laughs, taking out a _knife_. We watch in horror as he presses the weapon against our friend's side, with Camille even covering Gabi's eyes and hurrying to the restroom. I'm hoping that Hawk is just messing with us, but he almost instantly proves us wrong. Before anyone even has a chance to protest, he shoves the knife into our friend's side, causing James to scream in pain.

"STOP!" Carlos screams at the screen, tears falling down his cheeks. In a hurry, Mom grabs Katie and takes her outside, leaving us to watch James be tortured by this sick person.

"Hawk, just tell me what you want-" Gustavo says desperately. Meanwhile, I shake my head, closing my eyes because I can't stand to see the blood flowing out of James's left side. My god, I don't think I've ever witnessed anything so awful. It was pretty scary when James's schizophrenia was active, but nothing could compare to seeing him get stabbed and tortured.

"I want you to shut down Rocque Records." Hawk says mischievously. "And give Big Time Rush to ME."

I gulp, opening my eyes. BTR? With Hawk Records? I don't think I could stand working for Hawk, but I'll do it if it means saving James's life. I'll do anything to keep James safe, including working for a huge jerk like Hawk. The idea sickens me, but I care way more about saving James.

"O-okay." Gustavo nods, looking at the screen. "Okay, I'll shut down Rocque Records. Just don't hurt the kid."

"We'll see about that." Hawk answers. "Now, if you want your "dog" back, just come to my place. I have him in my basement."

"Fine." Gustavo nods before clicking out of the chat screen. "Okay, one of you dogs call the police."

"Are you really gonna give up Rocque Records?" Kelly asks him.

"Hell no!" Gustavo snorts, grabbing the keys to the van. Reluctantly, we follow him out the door, with Lucy chatting with the police along the way. Part of me is thinking about Jo, but an even bigger part is concerned with getting James out of harm's way. That's the priority right now, even though I'm grieving over Jo.

"We're gonna go to his mansion?" Carlos wonders, crawling into the back seat.

"Yep." Gustavo says, pulling a handgun out of the glove compartment. Logan's eyes widen upon seeing that, but the rest of us aren't the least bit bother. Hawk's dangerous and we need a way to be protected, and if that means Gustavo keeping a gun on him, then so be it. I'm just scared of losing James.

"Let's go get him." Our boss says, starting the engine. He goes a little over the speed limit as he drives out of the parking lot, but that doesn't matter. We need to get to James ASAP.

* * *

**James's POV**

"HAWK!"

I groan as I struggle to keep my eyes upon, crying out when Hawk grabs my arm and yanks me to my feet. I barely manage to keep from sobbing, due to my stab wound. I soon find myself being led up the stairs, although it's difficult for me to walk when I was just stabbed by a total psychopath.

"WHERE IS HE?!"

"Oh, I've got him." Hawk snickers, finally arriving at the first floor. I whimper when I see Gustavo standing there, holding out a gun. I shake my head, looking over at my boss. He's accompanied by Kendall, who looks angrier than I've ever seen him. I mouth help desperately, barely retaining consciousness. Could this be it? Am I gonna die? I certainly feel like it.

"Really? A gun?" Hawk snorts, releasing me. If I weren't injured, I could probably stand on my own two feet, but the pain from my wound suddenly flares up and I fall back, tumbling down the stairs. Along the way, I heard a loud CRACK and I scream at the top of my lungs as I finally land at the bottom of the staircase.

"JAMES!" Kendall shouts just as Gustavo and Hawk throw their weapons down and start fighting. At least, that's what I think happened. I heard something hit the ground and then shouting and some crashing. Oh god, my leg hurts. I don't know why I'm not sobbing right now. I'm in so much pain...

"Jay!"

I whimper as Kendall suddenly appears beside me, untying my hands from behind my back. Then he gathers me in his arms, holding me close and taking out his cell phone, probably to dial 911. When my leg is moved the wrong way, that's when I finally let out that scream and start crying, murmuring about how much it hurts.

"Shhh, I know." Kendall whispers before a 911 operator _finally _picks up. "Hello? Listen, my friend is hurt. We're at George Hawk's mansion and he kidnapped my friend, and James is hurt and he needs help. PLEASE HURRY!"

I barely manage to stay conscious as he gives the 911 operator the information she needs, burying my face in Kendall's chest and holding back more screams. This is the worst pain I think I've ever felt in my life, including when I broke my ankle during a hockey game in 9th grade. I hate to sound dramatic, but _dying _would be better than this.

"Help is on the way, buddy." Kendall assures me after hanging up. "You're gonna be okay."

* * *

**Well, James is alive! He's badly hurt, but he's alive:)**

**Review! :D**


	28. Safe

**Okay, I changed my tumblr url to rusher4life-jamesgirl:) It sounds even cuter:D**

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**Kendall's POV**

"You're gonna be okay, buddy." I whisper, cradling my injured friend in my arms. "We've just gotta get out of here."

I glance over at the open window, then down at James and then at his obviously broken leg. He's barely holding back his screams and it just kills me. I need to get him out of here so he can be taken to a hospital. For a minute, I just hold him while I figure out how to get him through that window. We can't leave the normal way because Hawk's up there, fighting with Gustavo.

"Jay, listen to me," I whisper. "I'm gonna help you stand up and we're gonna get out through that window, okay?"

James only whimpers in response and I gently rub his back before slowly helping him off the ground. I flinch when he emits a blood curling scream, but try to relax as I help him over to the window. By the time we get there, he's sobbing and I hug him in a useless attempt to comfort him. He's in too much pain to be comforted, though.

"You're gonna have to crawl through this window." I say gently, rubbing his back again. With clenched teeth, he allows me to help him by pushing him up and through the rather wide window. It's so difficult, but we manage to do it. Once he's on safer ground, I'm able to crawl through myself.

"I'm here." I murmur, helping him sit up and letting him rest his head on my shoulder while I hold him close. I can hear sirens in the distance, which brings me a little relief. I need to know that James is gonna get help and be completely safe from now on.

BANG!

"Jay, don't-don't cry-" I beg as James starts crying again. Did someone get shot? I hope it wasn't Gustavo or anyone else we care about. God, that ambulance needs to hurry up. James needs medical attention right away and I have to keep him awake because I seriously think that he might have a concussion...

Finally, the ambulance arrives, its lights on and the siren blaring. Police have arrived as well, holding their guns in front of them. Oh, I hope Hawk gets what he deserves. Wait, the paramedics are coming over.

"We're gonna take you to the hospital, buddy." One paramedic tells James as two others prepare a stretcher for him. Letting James go hurts me, but I release him from my grip and he is lifted onto the stretcher, not without a few screams of pain. I don't think I've ever hated someone as much as I hate Hawk.

"Can I ride the ambulance with him?" I beg, reaching for James's hand.

"Um, sure, get in."

Once James and one paramedic is in the back of the ambulance, I get in as well, taking my friend's hand again and giving it a squeeze. I just really wanna know what happened when that gunshot was fired, but James needs comfort right now. I'm sure we'll be finding out more later.

"Just relax, okay?" I plead, keeping his hand in mine. But something tells me that relaxing is gonna be impossible for him.

* * *

**Mama Knight's POV**

**"Breaking news: Troubled singer James Diamond is back in the hospital after a reported kidnapping. According to-"**

"Ugh, turn it off!" Camille complains, bouncing little Gabi on her lap. I'm just barely entering the waiting room after talking to James's doctor. Apparently, his leg is broken in several places, he has a lot of bruising on his arms and ribcage, and a grade I concussion, not to mention his stab wound. He's pretty banged up, but the doctor believes that he'll make a full recovery. Oh, and that it's a good thing that he got out of there before he could have a schizophrenic relapse.

"Guys, we can see James now." I inform his friends, motioning for them to follow. It's almost funny how they mostly stumble out of their seats, hurriedly following me down the hallway. Now, James isn't my biological son, but he lost his mother to a car accident and he needs a motherly figure in his life. I'm happy to be that for him.

First entering his room is a bit scary for all of us, but we do it anyway. Oh, the poor guy looks so broken. He's asleep, but he looks absolutely exhausted. I wish to God that I could do something to help him.

"Hi, baby." I whisper as I approach his bedside, reaching for his hand. He soon begins awakening and his eyes finally open for a brief moment, only to close again. My gosh, this is so heartbreaking. I'll tell you right now that if I could make this all go away, I would. James is the last person that deserves this.

"Honey, can you stay awake for us?" I ask, stroking his cheek. He groans softly, opening his eyes again. Tears fill my eyes as I kiss his forehead, sitting down on the mattress.

"Mom, I heard a gunshot at _his _house." Kendall murmurs, touching James's shoulder. "Do you know what it was?"

"Gustavo shot Hawk." I answer, so James can't hear. "He lived, but he was taken to another hospital and he's gonna be in jail for a long time."

Then I return my attention to James, who looks a lot more frightened than he should be. He's still traumatized from the whole experience and he probably will be for a long time, but I just wish he could see that no one is gonna harm him ever again. We'll just have to take care of him and hopefully he'll start to realize that he's safe now.

"Honey, we're here, okay? No one's gonna hurt you anymore." I say, gently stroking his hair. He's shaking a bit, but I'm hoping that it won't be too hard to calm him down. It's not like he's having a full blown panic attack or anything. He's just a bit shaky and he looks nervous, but i'm sure we can at least prevent an actual panic attack from happening.

"Why isn't he talking?" Carlos whispers.

"I think he's just really traumatized and tired." I reply sadly, looking at the boy in the hospital bed. He definitely doesn't look so great. Poor guy...

"W-what-what a-am I doing h-here?" He groans, looking up at me. I'm reluctant to say anything to him about the incident. I think his brain is basically blacking out all memory of the experience and I don't know if I wanna remind him just yet. I mean, I think he knows that something bad happened to him, but he's trying not to think about it.

"We'll tell you later." I rub his shoulder, giving him a kiss on his cheek. Right now, he doesn't need bad memories. He just needs love.

* * *

**Lucy's POV**

"When's he suppose to get out of here?" Carlos wonders.

"He'll probably be in the hospital for a month." Mama Knight replies. I can't really stand to sit here and keep listening to them talk, so I finally have to get up and leave the waiting room. I'm not entirely sure about bothering James, but I can't help wanting some alone time. So I walk to his room, peeking inside.

He looks so tired. I don't know about what I can say, but I _need _to be close to him. Slowly, I approach his bed, reaching for his hand. It's so soft and perfect, but it doesn't really distract from the bruises on his arms, the cast on his leg, or the troubled look on his face. And I know that his hospital gown is covering a gauze covered stab wound.

"If anyone hurts you again, I'll destroy them." I tell him, even though I know he can't hear me. Oh, and I just realized that Dominique hasn't once stopped by to visit. I can't believe that we ever fell for her act. Someone with her condition isn't capable of truly caring about someone. It makes me absolutely sick.

"I don't know how anyone could hurt you like this." I state, shaking my head. I'm so disgusted by Hawk's actions. I wish that the gunshot wound had killed the sorry bastard, but I hope he'll at least get put behind bars for as long as possible. He needs to be punished in some way for what he has done to James.

"Mmmm..."

"Shhh, just sleep." I whisper, running a hand through his hair. I don't condone murder at all, but is it bad that I'm will to make an exception for Hawk? Because he has put James through hell in just a few hours and it really makes me wanna hunt him down and kill him. Of course I'd rather _not_ be put in jail.

"M-morphine." He mumbles. "I n-need m-more morphine."

"Okay." I nod, pressing the call button. After informing them that James needs another dose of morphine, I continue to sit quietly and comfort him the best I can. It's incredibly hard to do, considering how angry I am at his attacker, but I know I need to try. James needs all the love and support he can get.

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	29. Falling

**Carlos's POV**

"He was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia back in 2012."

While Mama Knight talks to the doctor, I stand by the door to James's room in case he needs anything. It's been two days since he was rescued and he has hardly said a word to anyone. Most of the time, he's just completely silent and it really scares me. I wish he'd open up and talk to us, but Logan said that he needs time to recover. We have to respect that.

It's hard for me to look at him. Mama Knight brought his black South Pole hoodie to wear over his hospital gown, so we do't have to see the gown itself, but it's still there. So are the hospital bracelets and the machines that he has been hooked up to. What about the oxygen tubes (the doctor called it a "nasal cannula." that he has around his nose, two tiny tubes inserted in the nostrils. It makes me sick to see him like this.

He's wearing his glasses too, although he usually wears contacts when he's actually feeling good. When he's feeling bad, he's too tired (or "lazy" as he calls it) to bother. Now, the doctor said that he'll probably be here for up to a month while he's recovering. I hate the sound of that because all I want is for my buddy to be at home with us. I shouldn't be selfish, though.

"Honey, you can go in and see him." Mama Knight encourages. Reluctantly, I nod and enter the room, shutting the door behind me. He's not even acknowledging my presence. He's staring straight ahead as if he's not even aware of anything around him. Is he really just traumatized? This whole experience didn't trigger his schizophrenia, did it?

"Jay," I whisper, relieved when he finally looks at me. The sad part, however, is that he only _whimpers_. It's like he's scared of me. I'm not blaming him at all because I'm sure that being trapped and abused inside a creepy basement was traumatizing, but it still hurts to see fear in his eyes in the presence of a friend.

"Hey," I hesitantly sit on the mattress. "I'm not gonna hurt you."

With a trembling hand, I reach out to touch his shoulder, a single tear falling down my face as he closes his eyes.

"H-he's g-g-gonna hurt me."

"No," I whisper. "No, he's not."

I no longer feel hesitant. I instantly reach out and wrap my arms around him, making sure that he knows how safe he is. None of us will ever let him be harmed again. I'll stay by his side day and night if I have to. All I know is that I'm gonna make sure that he's protected. He deserves to know that he can walk outside his home without fear of being hurt.

"I'm sc-scared."

"I know." I murmur, holding him so that I'm not causing his injuries to flare up. After a few more seconds, I pull away, helping him settle back into the mattress. He groans softly and my heart shatters as I reach for his hand. It was frightening when he had those two mental breakdowns, but he got better. This is just...this is just sad. Part of me doesn't even know if he'll be able to mentally recover from this. He seems so broken, you know?

"I'm unf-fixable, a-aren't I?"

"No," My voice cracks as I speak. "Of course you're not! Jay, you...you're strong, okay? You...you can get through this."

"I-I can't." James mumbles, sniffling. "I just can't."

"Don't you dare say that." I say firmly, looking him in the eyes. As scared as I am, I'm not about to let him talk like this. If he's gonna recover at all, he has to believe that he can do it. Maybe he'll get better mentally too as long as he has his loved ones helping him through this. I know I won't be abandoning him.

"M-my head h-hurts."

"I guess that concussion's still acting up, huh?" I say, gently squeezing his shoulder.

"Mmm hmm..."

I look through the window at Mama Knight, who is still talking to James's doctor. I think they're just discussing the recovery process for James, but there's also the fact that Mama Knight is giggling. Yes, GIGGLING. Are they flirting? I'm not sure, but I'm gonna be a bit surprised if they are. I mean, it's _James's doctor_...

"Hey, could you get th-that basin over there?"

"Sure." I frown, getting up and grabbing a basin off the table. Just as I hand it to him, he starts vomiting into it, giving me quite a shock. Doctor what's-his-name said that nausea can be a common physical side effect of a concussion. I'm pretty much powerless in this situation, so all I can do is rub his back.

"Mmmm..." He groans as he lifts his head up. I barely hold back tears as I carry the basin into the restroom, feeling too sad (and grossed out) to do it myself. I'll get a nurse to do it. Right now, I just wanna stay with James and be there for him.

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

"He probably had it coming."

"DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!" I roar, shoving that bitchy Jennifer chick against the wall. She apparently is here to visit her boyfriend, while I've been debating whether or not I should go inside and see James. This blonde slut thinks she can talk about anyone any way that she wants to, but I'm not gonna have it.

"What the hell?!" She shrieks, pushing me away. "What is your problem?"

"Listen here, you skank." I snarl, getting in her face. "If I _ever _here you talk badly about James _ever _again, I will find you and I will hurt you. Got that?"

Aww, she's so scared that she's speechless. In my psychopathic mind, that's a good thing. I like striking fear into people that piss me off, especially people that trash talk James. If you say something bad about James, I'll probably rip your head off. Not literally, but you know what I mean.

I roughly push past her, storming into the hospital. I don't think I'm very welcome here since I pulled a gun on Kendall and Lucy, but I'm not recognizable now. I recently colored my hair blonde and put purple highlights. I still wear my ripped jeans and leather jackets, but I just gave myself a slightly new look. Hey, I was bored.

I hum to myself as I enter the elevator, pressing the correct button. I'm beyond pissed at Hawk and I honestly wanna find him and kill him myself, but my aunt said that she'll have me put in jail if I get into anymore trouble. So I can't fulfill my desire to hurt this guy for hurting James. Now, I may not be capable of actual love, but I still have pleasant feelings toward James.

"Oh my god, what the hell are you doing here?"

I roll my eyes as the elevator doors open, jumping upon seeing Camille with her little girl.

"What do you think?" I ask, walking past her. We use to be really good friends until my violent outburst against Kendall and Lucy, who are apparently more "friends" to her than I am. I think that's a load of BS, but okay. I have better things to do that worry about friends anyway, like my career.

"You can't see him right now!"

"Why not?" I groan, turning to face my former friend.

"Because he's tired and he's scared and he just needs to be with people that he trusts."

"And you think he can't trust me?" I growl, getting closer to her.

"Well, I-"

I roll my eyes in response, heading down the hallway toward ICU. I look in each room until I finally reach James's, peeking inside. Mama Knight and the guys are sitting beside him, talking to him and trying to get him to respond. Sometimes I almost wish that I were capable of experiencing genuine love and concern, but I just can't. My brain doesn't allow it.

"Oh no! No, no, NO!" Logan rants when he sees me. Carlos immediately grabs him, while I just stand in the doorway. Okay, I get that they all hate me now, but I think I have every right to see James. I haven't had any contact with him in days and I can only wait so long. I just wanna see my ex-boyfriend. That's all I want.

"T-tell her to l-leave."

"Jay, you can't be serious-" I stammer, looking at him.

"GET OUT! JUST GET OUT!" James yells at me. I shake my head, looking at his friends before turning around and angrily slamming the door behind me.

* * *

**Mama Knight's POV**

"You really think that James can get better?" I ask Chris, AKA Doctor Clark. He insisted that I call him by his first name, so I'm gladly doing so. He's on a break right now, so we're sitting at a table in the cafeteria. Chris is so much different than my ex-husband. He's smart and sweet and funny...and gentle. He's basically the perfect man in my opinion.

"I don't see why not." Chris tells me. "His injuries aren't as severe as some. The gunshot wound will hill, the bruises will go away, his leg should heal nicely, and the concussion will likely be gone in a couple weeks."

I nod, taking a deep breath. I quietly sip my coffee, while looking at the man in front of me. I wonder how Kendall and Katie would feel about me dating again. I haven't done it in a really long time and I think the kids are use to it just being me and them and, of course, the guys. Would everyone in our household be okay if I got a boyfriend?

"So, Jennifer, how many kids do you have?"

"I have two." I smile at him. "Kendall is 20 and Katie is 13. She'll be fourteen in a few weeks through." I hesitate for a moment, then I get the courage to ask him about his own family life. "What about you? A wife? Kids?"

"Well, I have three beautiful children. Madison is 16, Anna is 14, and Vanessa is 10." Chris replies. "My wife passed away eight years ago."

"I'm-I'm so sorry." I frown, sitting my coffee down. "My husband and I divorced when the kids were still pretty young."

"Well, it's his loss." Chris smiles. I grin to myself, starting to like this man a lot more than I should. If anything happens between us, I can only hope that my children will approve.

* * *

**So what do you guys think of Mama Knight's potential love interest? ;)**

**On a different note, I'm excited to tell you about my newest fanfic idea:) It's angsty, dramatic, and sometimes you might cry. Basically, James and his longtime girlfriend go for a ride on his motorcycle, but an accident happens, his girlfriend is killed, and his life is forever changed by the loss of his girlfriend and the presence of a serious injury.**

**So...you like? I'm kind of tempted to post it soon, even though I have two other active fanfics. Journey is just a series of one-shots, though;) Losing My Mind is my baby, but I've handled two multichapter fics before!**

**Enough with my rambling:P**

**Review! :D**


	30. Hurt

**James's POV**

"I can't believe it took a whole week before they finally decided to let you leave that room." Lucy complains, pushing me down the hallway in my wheelchair. I don't really care if they ever let me out of the room. Quite honestly, I didn't really _wanna_ leave. I just wanted to stay to myself, but Lucy was having none of that. Apparently, _my _wishes aren't important here.

"Where should we go first?" She questions, rolling me into the elevator. I shrug, watching as she presses the first floor button. I _really _wanna go back to my room, but whatever. Lucy and the guys, and Mama Knight, think that I "need fresh air". I'm kind of aggravated about them pushing me to do what I don't wanna do.

"Outside, I guess." I murmur, flinching at the pain in my side. The stab wound still hurts a lot, even more than my bruised arms or my broken leg. I'm amazed that I haven't snapped yet. There have been numerous occasions where I've wanted to start screaming and cursing at people. I'm just really good at holding back. I think I almost let an F-bomb slip when I was getting my bandages changed earlier, though.

"Then let's go." She says, pushing me out of the elevator and toward the front exit. You know what I hate? Being babysat. Ever since I was brought to the hospital, I have been treated like an invalid. I'm a very independent person and it sucks feeling like I can't do anything on my own. I can't even bathe or use the restroom by myself! No, I have to use a stupid catheter to...relieve myself, and I get sponge baths. I think that's a load of BS, okay? For the love of God, let me do something even remotely normal!

"Ah, isn't it...nice?" She pushes me over to a bench, sitting down. I shrug, crossing my arms. I'm just really tired of all this. I'm taking my meds, I'm doing everything I'm suppose to, but I'm _tired. _I don't wanna be injured, I don't wanna use a wheelchair, I don't wanna be schizophrenic.

"When are they gonna let me out of this place?" I wonder.

"In about three weeks, I think." Lucy replies. "You have the stab wound, the broken leg, the bruising, and the concussion, so you're pretty banged up."

I scoff, shaking my head. I don't think she gets what I'm saying. I'm saying that I am sick and tired of being here and I WANT TO LEAVE. I know that won't happen, but I definitely wish that I could be anywhere but here. Well, except for Hawk's basement. There's no way that I'll ever go back to that place.

"Um..." Lucy hesitates. I watch her, waiting for her to speak up. I can see that she's feeling awkward. I don't know why people think that I'm so oblivious. I'm really not. I can tell when people are feeling awkward around me or when they wanna leave. Lucy needs to be honest with me.

"What?"

"Jay?"

"Ugh, I was in the middle of a conversation-" I groan, turning my head. The silence that follows is deafening, while I look up at my dad. I haven't seen him since late last year and for a long time before that. I don't know how he could have the nerve to show up after everything he has put me through. One time, I stole his gun and was planning on committing suicide, and he _left _when he found out. I ended up finding him with Dominique's _mom_.

"Take me inside." I tell Lucy, who promptly grabs the wheelchair handles and begins pushing me back toward the entrance. I don't even listen to my "father's" protests, keeping my face hard as I am taken back inside. I'm nowhere near close to being in the mood to deal with him and his false love.

* * *

**Mr. Diamond's POV**

Look, I know people are gonna be like "Oh, what is he doing here? He's never seemed interested in being a part of James's life." However, I DO wanna be in James's life. I wanna take care of him like Jennifer has been doing. He needs a fatherly figure in his life and I wanna be that. I just wish he'd let me in.

It really hurt when he reacted to my arrival the way he did. You know, not even saying anything, instead choosing to just ignore me. I would have felt a lot better even if he had just yelled at me. I guess I deserve the silent treatment, though. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, I haven't been the best father. Partying when I should have been helping raise my son, not trying harder to make my marriage to his mom work, walking back into his life over and over again only to end up hurting him.

I'm initially reluctant to follow him, but the last thing I want is to lose him again. Before I have a chance to change my mind, I find myself walking into the building and following my son and his friend to the elevator.

"Jay, please talk to me-"

"Why should I?" James snapped, angrily pressing the button to his floor.

I inhale, feeling incredibly frustrated now. Not at him, though. Instead, I'm frustrated at myself. I really screwed up, didn't I? I could have stood by him when he needed me, but I ran away. I left him without the parental support that he deserves. Any good parent would have gotten him help after he contemplated taking his own life. I ran off like I scared little boy.

"Look, I just wanna-"

"I don't wanna talk about this right now." James says as the elevator doors open. I gulp as his dark haired friend gives me a dirty look, following them down the hall to the ICU entrance. Am I officially in the running for world's worst parent? I sure feel like it. I have failed my own son and I don't think I'll forgive myself for that, especially not when James won't even forgive me.

"Can't we talk about it for a little bit?" I plead, reaching for his shoulder.

"I-don't want-to-talk about it." His voice is low and harsh, making me cringe. I've never seen so much hatred and anger on his face. I can't believe my own son feels this angry toward me. My gosh, what have I done?

"I think you should go." what's-her-name tells me, wheeling James into his room and shutting the door. I peek through the viewing window (a schizophrenic shouldn't have too much privacy, apparently) and notice him wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. The guilt is consuming me like a wildfire and _I can't stand it._

My eyes fill with sadness as the girl (I can't remember her name) pulls him into a hug, slowly turning around and walking away as fast as I can.

* * *

**James's POV**

"I can't believe he had the nerve to show up after everything he has put me and my family through." I clench my jaw, laying not-so-comfortably in my hospital bed. Really, these beds are ridiculous, but that's not the problem here. _My problem _is the fact that my father abandoned me and then came back and tried to "make up."

"Well, maybe he genuinely _wants _to make things right." Carlos suggests. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes. I can't say I agree with him. My dad has tried to "make things right" on numerous occasions, only to repeatedly leave me behind. We all need to realize that he doesn't care about me like he says he does. In my opinion, he's a _liar._

"Let's just talk about something else." Kendall interrupts. "Like the fact that my mom has been flirting with your doctor."

"What?" I chuckle.

"Yeah, I think she comes just so she can see _Chriiisss." _Carlos laughs, making me do the same. Okay, a little laughter is doing wonders for my mood. I've been feeling pretty down since I was brought here, but maybe I just needed a good laugh. On a different note, I want the guys to tell me what's going on between Mama Knight and Doctor Clark.

"Would you be cool with your mom dating again?" I ask Kendall.

"As long as he doesn't treat her like my dad did." Kendall answers, looking at the TV screen. Apparently, Hollywood Insider is discussing the circumstances surrounding Jo's death. Considering her funeral was only a week ago, I don't think it's a good idea for Kendall to be watching news about it, so I grab the remote and shut the TV off.

"What was that for?"

"Let's talk about something else." I sit the remote on the end table, flinching when pain shoots up my ams. I have to be very still in order for the pain to go away. It sucks having to put up with this, but there isn't really much I can do. I just have to deal the best I can.

"Like you and Lucy?" Logan snickers. I give him a disbelieving look, hardly understanding what he means. He couldn't possibly be implying that Lucy and I have "a thing" for each other. We just happen to be really good friends. Guys and girls can be friends, can't they?

"Excuse me?"

"You and Lucy are so into each other!" Carlos laughs. I grin and shake my head. Lucy and I? Into each other? No way! I mean, she's pretty and talented and smart, but that doesn't mean that I have some massive crush on her. I just...I just find her appealing, which isn't the same as having a crush on someone.

Is it?

* * *

**Katie's POV**

"He's getting a lot better, I think."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, his vitals are good and the bruises seem to be healing nicely, although he still seems to be a bit shaky emotionally."

"I don't really like the idea of my mom dating again." I whisper to Gabi, holding the happy little girl in my arms. She keeps chewing on my hair for some reason, but I guess a shower will get the drool out. Now, about this thing with my mom and Dr. Clark. The guy seems really nice, but I don't think that I'm ready to share Mom with someone else.

"At least your parents are still together." I tell Logan and Camille's daughter, touching her hand. Why would Mom wanna date someone else anyway? She and our dad use to fight all the time, and I thought that she'd be a little more reluctant to date anyway. Apparently, I was very wrong.

"Listen, I'm off tomorrow, so I was wondering if you might like to go on a date with me."

I roll my eyes, glancing at Gabi. I had a feeling that the doctor would end up asking Mom out, but I'm not happy about it. If she got serious with this guy, they'd end up getting married and our lives would change. People need to realize something about me. I DON'T LIKE CHANGE. I handled the move to LA well because I didn't have many friends in Minnesota anyway, but this? This is just too much for me.

"Do you think she's gonna say yes?" I ask Gabi, who babbles happily in response.

"I...I would _love _to go on a date with you."

I instantly start coughing and gagging, returning to the cafeteria. Okay, I'll accept them going on a date, but the minute he decides to ask her to marry him, I'm gonna have a problem. A BIG ONE.

* * *

**Hmm, I think I'll write a new chapter of See You Again;)**

**Review! :D**


	31. Homecoming

**James's POV**

Three more weeks pass until I'm finally released from the hospital. As I'm wheeled out to the van, I try my best to remain unnoticed because I really don't wanna be recognized and hounded by the paparazzi, at least not right now. At this point in time, I'm tired from everything that has happened and I just wanna go home.

"Honey, you're gonna have to stand up." Mama Knight informs me. With a pained groan, I allow her to help me out of the chair and into the front passenger's seat. I look straight ahead as she gets behind the wheel, taking a deep breath. I'm happy to be out of the hospital, but I'm also kind of scared.

"You know, it's gonna be okay." She assures me, patting my hand. I only shrug in response, keeping silent. What if Hawk comes back? I know he's in jail right now, but people have escaped from prison before. I don't wanna be kidnapped again. I...I just don't. My worst fear is being stuck in a situation that I can't get out of.

"Now, let's go home."

I shrug again, resting my head against the window. Am I weak for being terrified? I don't like to show fear these days because I hate the idea of looking weak. I wanna show people that nothing can tear me down, not even a kidnapping or my mental illness.

"You took your morning medicine, right?"

"Yeah." I whisper, watching the passing buildings. All the people walking in and out of those buildings look so normal and happy. I wish I could be like them, but I'm not. I have to take medication just to keep myself from hearing voices and thinking that someone wants to kill me. I'll never be normal, no matter how badly I want it.

I take my journal out of my gym bag, along with my pen. I haven't done my daily journal entry, so I'll do that right now. I don't have much to say, but it's enough to write down on paper. Besides, it's not like anyone will read it. They all know that my journal is private, so they don't mess with it.

_Dear Journal,_

_As I write this, I'm on my way home. The truth, though? I don't really know if I wanna stay in LA right now. I've pushed myself so hard to make one hell of a comeback, but things just keep falling apart. Maybe God's telling me that I need to step away from show business and do something else with my life. I don't know how to tell the guys, though. I know they enjoy this whole band thing and so do I, but I just don't know if it's good for me right now._

_Am I being selfish? Am I being selfish for thinking about what's best for myself? I don't wanna be selfish. I wanna make my friends happy. Even my dad, who actually stayed in North Carolina while I was in the hospital (never came to visit me, but stayed in the area), deserves happiness. I'm not talking about him, though. I'm talking about the guys, Mama Knight, and Katie._

_I just don't know. I'm kind of conflicted right now._

_James_

"We've gotta get to the airport." She tells me, driving down the street. Yeah, we ended up staying in North Carolina a little longer than originally planned, due to the incident. It was kind of nice staying away from LA for a while, away from the paparazzi and crazed fans. I wouldn't mind living in a quiet town like this one.

"Honey, is everything alright?" She asks.

"Yeah!" I lie, giving her a smile. I'm actually not "alright," but she doesn't need to know that. I think I could stand to put on a happy facade for now. I've already caused enough trouble and I just...I don't wanna give anyone anymore reasons to be worried about me. I want everyone to relax and just live their lives.

"You know, he's in jail."

"I know." I nod, gulping. I don't wanna think about Hawk ever again. I wanna push all memory of him out of my mind. That's proving to be a lot harder than I thought, though.

* * *

Several hours later, we land in LA and Freight Train picked us up in his van. I have to use my crutches, much to my embarrassment, but I guess I have no choice. Anyway, on the way to the limo, I ended up being hounded by the stupid paparazzi, but I actually managed to keep from screaming at them. Mama Knight kept her hand on my back to relax me, so I guess that helped.

Now the van is pulling in front of the Palm Woods, a place I haven't seen in a month. It's weird being back here, but I don't mind at all. I won't be leaving the apartment, though. I'm honestly not in the mood to see anyone or be exposed to the paparazzi attention, so I'm gonna hide out and no one's gonna stop me.

"Alright, sweetie, let's go." Mama Knight says as Kendall helps me out of the van.

"Jay, you wanna go out to the pool with us?" Carlos asks.

"Nah, I think I'm gonna rest in the apartment." I reply, flinching as I limp toward the entrance. I quietly thank Logan as he holds the door open for me, reluctantly entering the lobby. The first thing I notice is a memorial set up for Jo. It has a picture of her from a New Town High photo shoot, some flowers, and letters written to her from friends and family.

Then I notice everyone staring at me. I keep my head down and try to make it to the elevator as fast as I can, but my injuries prevent me from going too fast. It's a good thing that Mama Knight, Katie, Camille, and the guys are here to help me. I feel a lot better with them around, not just to help me get around but to be there for me.

"Why do they keep looking at me?" I groan, shaking my head.

"I guess it's just that they haven't seen you in a while." Camille explains, cuddling Gabi. I sigh deeply, reaching out to stroke Gabi's cheek. I smile softly as she wraps her hand around my finger, wishing my hands were free so I could carry her myself. However, I'll just have to wait until I'm sitting down.

"Mom, are you texting Chris again?" Katie complains.

"Yeah, I am." Mama Knight smiles as we walk (or in my case, limp) down the hallway. She has been dating the guy for about three weeks now and they're totally into each other. I don't know how the whole long distance relationship thing will work out, but I guess it's cool as long as they make each other happy.

"Here we are!" Camille says, pushing the apartment door open. I slowly limp into the room, breathing in the fresh air. It feels nice to be back in a home environment, especially after spending such a long time in the hospital. Now, I'm gonna go to my room and take a nice, long nap with NO interruptions.

"You can sleep if you want." Mama Knight pecks my cheek, guiding me toward mine and Kendall's shared bedroom. But what I see when I get to the room is far from what I expected. The room...it's completely trashed. Items thrown everywhere, the walls spray painted, and...and a broken window. Oh my god...

"My god..." Lucy gasps.

"What the hell happened?!" I yell, my face burning up.

"Someone must have broken in!" Logan exclaims, grabbing my shoulder. I inhale deeply, trying to stay calm. W-what c-could h-have h-happened? Who would d-do something l-like this? I have a feeling that it's someone associated w-with H-hawk. Like his assistant, Rebecca. Since he's unable to cause destruction himself, of course he'd get someone else to do it!

"Baby, I'm gonna call the police." Mama Knight assures me. "Just stay calm."

"I..." I stammer, trying to keep my breathing regular. It's so hard, though. I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. Why...why does this keep happening to us?

* * *

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	32. Threatened

**James's POV**

"Did you see who might have done it?"

"No, we just got back from _North Carolina!_" Mama Knight said, looking at Officer Sands as if he were stupid. He isn't very bright, so I can see why.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting on the couch with Gabi on my lap, trying to distract myself from this horror. I don't...I don't understand. Who would do something like this? Why did we do that was so bad? Is Hawk really that bitter towards Gustavo that he'd kidnap me, then have someone trash the room I sleep in?

"Maybe we should get Mama Knight's gun and-"

"Lucy, we're not gonna shoot them." I mutter, cuddling Gabi. The poor thing has no idea what's going on. Her only concern is when her next meal's gonna be. Speaking of that, I think the little princess is getting hungry. I would feed her myself, but I have a broken leg and I can't walk without crutches, so someone else is gonna have to take care of her.

"Carlos, could you feed Gabi?" I whisper to Gabi's godfather.

"Sure." He replies, gently lifting her into his arms. Sitting quietly, I watch Mama Knight talk to Officer Sands, inhaling deeply. I just don't know when all this crap is gonna stop. It seems like something always happens, whether it be big or small. Why does my life keep getting worse? Did I do something to deserve this?

"I think it's really messed up that someone would do that." Lucy says, rubbing my back. I nod, looking around the room. Yeah, it's _very _messed up, but I can't do a thing to stop it! I just wanna wake up one day and find out that none of this ever happened, but I know that it can't be like that.

Knock! Knock!

I look toward the door as Dad enters, barely surprised to see him here. I'm quite amazed that he bothered flying out here for me, but I don't know. I just...I already have enough to deal with right now and I just don't know if I can handle having him around. I don't exactly have much trust in him right now.

"I think my mom called him." Kendall informs me. I bite the inside of my cheek as my "dad" goes over to Mama Knight, talking to her. I _really _don't like the idea of him being here right now, but I guess there's not much I can do. I can't force him to go back to Minnesota.

Inhaling, I get up and limp onto the balcony, taking my pack of cigarettes from my jeans pocket. In desperate need of relief, I take one and light it, trying to forget about...well, everything. I don't wanna keep feeling so unsafe. Every time I turn around, it seems like _something _is going wrong. I'm just really tired of that, you know?

"You really need to stop that." Lucy tells me, joining me on the balcony.

"I'll stop when life stops sucking." I reply, exhaling a cloud of smoke. I'm not in the mood to be told what to do with my body and my life. Yeah, I know smoking is bad, but it's pretty much the only thing that calms me these days. If anyone doesn't like it, they'll have to get over it. Until life starts going well, I'm gonna keep smoking the pain away.

"Ugh, life doesn't suck!" Lucy lightly slaps the back of my head.

"Owww!" I whine, rubbing the area that she slapped. I don't know why she did that, but I'm not even gonna ask. Besides, she'll probably tell me anyway.

"Yeah, it's scary. You know, what you've been through." She tells me. "But that doesn't mean that it won't get better."

I snort, looking through the glass double doors leading to the living room. Does Lucy not see the cops and investigators in the apartment? Things are clearly getting _worse, _not better. Why does she insist on being positive about such an awful situation?

"Look, you don't understand at all and you probably never will." I mutter, putting out my cigarette and turning around, reentering the apartment. I'm really not in the mood for Lucy's attempts at being optimistic.

* * *

"We're gonna look into this and until we catch the guy, we have a guard standing outside your door to protect you." Officer Sands says. They're all in the living room, but I'm sitting in Mama Knight and Katie's shared bedroom with my leg elevated on a pillow. I don't feel entirely comfortable being in this room by myself, but I'm at a point where I'd rather be alone.

"Thank you, Officer."

I roll my eyes, running a hand through my hair. Suddenly, my mind drifts back to my time in the mental hospital. I spent nearly three months in that place and I'm starting to wonder if I'd be better off in a place like that. With all the crap that's been happening, I'm wondering if I might actually end up losing my mind again.

When my mind returns to the present, I notice the lit up screen of Katie's laptop. Frowning, I grab my crutches and push myself into a standing position, limping over to the desk. Sitting down, I eye the screen carefully. Hmmm, what is this? A document is open, but it doesn't appear to be Katie's English homework.

_Dear Jamez,_

_No, your precious Katie didn't write this. No, the writer of this letter is your worst nightmare, or soon to be. Okay, so I'm only a friend of your worst nightmare. Hawk. Yes, Hawk. Since you and your stupid friends got him arrested and thrown in jail, he asked me to handle you, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna turn your life into a living hell, literally. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be BEGGING me to stop. You'll be BEGGING for your life. Will I spare you? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that your life is about to take a turn for the worse._

_Sincerely, R_

I gasp, tears filling my eyes. Someone was on Katie's computer and wrote me a threat letter. My stomach churns as I stare at the screen, not even able to speak up. I honestly feel like I might be sick, considering what's going on. I don't understand why I'm the one that gets stuck in the middle of this.

"HEY!" I yell. Seconds later, the room is filled with my bandmates and Mama Knight. Getting out of my seat, I let Kendall sit down and read the letter. I don't wanna sit here and watch this so I'm quick to exit the room, caught between ending my life completely or just getting drunk enough to forget that this is happening.

"What's going on?" Lucy asks, reaching out to me.

"S-someone g-got on Katie c-computer and th-they left a n-note." I stutter as she pulls me into a hug. Oh yeah, life is definitely getting worse. First, I get diagnosed with schizophrenia. Secondly, I get kidnapped. Thirdly, I get kidnapped AGAIN and this time I got a stab wound and a broken leg. Fourthly, someone broke into mine and Kendall's room and trashed it. Lastly, someone got into Katie's computer and threatened me. Life is turning into one big disaster!

"Honey, the guard's outside." Mama Knight tells me, coming over to rub my back. "No one's gonna hurt you."

"That's a lie!" I yell. "Every time someone has promised to protect me, something still goes wrong! I can't trust anyone anymore! My god, I might well just end it right now! At least I wouldn't have to deal with all this crap! I never feel safe anymore because I know that someone is gonna come and hurt me!"

"Shhhh." Mama Knight whispers, pulling me into her arms. I soon break down in her arms, crying softly while she rubs my back. I...I'm scared. As much as I hate to admit it, I am absolutely terrified and I...I don't know what to do. When will this _stop?_

* * *

**Ugh, the internet was really being a pain, but hopefully it'll work now:)**

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	33. Words

**I took my math test yesterday and I haven't gotten my grade yet, and OH MY GOSH I'm so nervous 0.0**

* * *

"Gabi, who's that?" Logan asks, pointing to a picture of Kendall. Being only ten months old, the little girl can't really say names yet, but she'll probably would learn in the next couple of months. She's already attempting to speak, although she hasn't really said actual words. Her attempts indicate that she will soon, though.

"James refuses to leave the bedroom." Kendall grumbles, sitting on the couch beside him. "He locked the windows too."

Logan sighs before kissing Gabi's cheek. He doesn't know what to do about James. It'd be great if he could make this all go away, but he can't. They'll just have to leave it all up to the police, and the guard that's currently standing outside their apartment. Still, Logan can't help wishing that he could take James's fears away.

"I don't know what to do." Kendall says, taking Gabi into his arms. "Hi, baby girl..."

"I wish he'd start seeing a counselor." Logan confesses. "I think it would help him a lot."

"Yeah, but how are we gonna get him to a counselor if he won't leave his room?"

Logan sighs, burying his head in his hands. He's always been the smart one, always able to figure out a solution to pretty much any problem. But this? There's no way. Even he can't do anything to stop Hawk and Rebecca from tormenting them, no matter how badly he may want to. It just sucks because he wants to put everyone's lives back together and he can't do it. Not alone at least.

"I'm gonna see what I can do." He gets off the bed, stroking Gabi's cheek before walking to his and James's shared bedroom. He finds that the door was locked, which makes him sort of...sad. Just knowing that James is so terrified that he feels he has to keep the door locked.

"Jay? Buddy, it's...it's Logan." He announces, his hand on the doorknob. "Please let me in."

At first, he thinks that he's gonna have to kick the door down, but it's not too long before he hears a click and the door is slowly pulled open. James is leaning on his crutches and the expression on his face clearly indicates how much of a toll this all has taken on him.

"You need to sit down." Logan tells him, guiding him over to the bed.

"Whatever." James mumbles, sitting on the mattress.

"Jay, I think you should see a counselor."

_"What?"_

"I'm just saying." Logan says, as calmly as he can. "You're clearly struggling with this and you need to let someone help you."

"You didn't get help when you got your ass beaten!" James snaps. He could have said anything else and Logan wouldn't have cared, but that...that was just...that just went way too far. Scoffing, Logan shook his head, getting up and storming out of the apartment. When he hears footsteps behind him, he figures it's the security guard, but when he turns around, it's Kendall that he finds.

"Man, we've gotta get back in the apartment. It's...it's not safe."

"I've been attacked _twice._" Logan answers, turning around. "I'll can handle myself."

"Logan, please!" Kendall grabs his arm, preventing him from entering the elevator. The shorter boy huffs, getting terribly aggravated. Right now, he _really _just wants to be alone. One of his best friends brought up one of his most dreadful memories and he doesn't wanna be in the same apartment. Not right now.

"What? Do you want me to go back to the apartment? Well, too bad!" He pulls his arm from Kendall's grip and finally enters the elevator, becoming more annoyed when Kendall follows him. He obviously won't be getting any alone time today, even if he wants it. Ugh...why does Kendall have to care so much?

"If you're not gonna stay in the apartment, I'm not either."

"Of course not." Logan responds, pressing the lobby button. He supposes that he better not argue about this. They've already got enough problems.

* * *

Rebecca hums softly as she peeks out the window from her "secret headquarters." Okay, so it's just an apartment she rented at the Palm Woods so she can spy on Big Time Rush. Since her boss is in jail, it's up to her to get the revenge that Hawk wants. She's kind of excited because this is the first time she's been asked to handle a job on her own.

She watches cautiously when she sees two familiar figures, clutching a gun in her hand. She snickers, shoving the gun into her purse and walking toward the door. She's got some supplies to get before she does anything else. Rope, more weapons, among other things. She's got something BIG planned for those boys.

"You're gonna get what you deserve, boys." She whispers, smirking. "Oh, you're gonna get it big time."

* * *

"You're really gonna do this?" Stephanie asks Camille. "You're gonna pose for Maxim?"

"I've finally got my body back, so why not?" Camille replies, showing her a copy of Maxim. This will be her first "sexy" photo shoot and she's a little nervous, but she's eager to show a more adult side of herself. After all, she's a wife and mother, so she's already done quite a bit of growing up.

"You're crazy-"

"Logan, I'm sure he didn't mean-"

"Forget it!" Logan snaps, walking right past the girls.

"What happened?" Camille frowns, watching her husband sit at another table.

"He suggested that James see a counselor and James brought up you-know-what." Kendall answers. Camille sighs, getting out of her seat. She knows how to comfort her husband. Her method includes hugs, kisses, and some food. She isn't angry with James, considering the situation, but she does feel bad for Logan.

"Cheer up." She tells Logan, sitting on his lap. "Do you need hugs?"

"Yeah." Logan hugs her waist, while she wraps her arms around his neck. She gently kisses his cheek, desperately wanting to see him smile again. There hasn't been a lot of smiles or laughter lately, at least not for Big Time Rush and friends. James was diagnosed with schizophrenia, Jo's dead, James has been kidnapped twice...it's just taken a real toll on them.

"Come on, lemme see your pretty smile." She teases, pinching his cheeks. "I wanna see those dimples."

"Mmmm..." Logan whines, looking at her.

"You wanna come to my Maxim photo shoot?" She offers, winking. That seems to change Logan's mood instantly. The expression that appears on his face is a mixture of excitement and apprehension. After all, most guys would probably feel nervous about their wife/girlfriend posing in lingerie for the whole world to see.

"Maxim, huh?"

"Just got the call this morning." She informs him, giving him a kiss. "They want me for their next issue."

"Ohhh really?" Logan snickers, kissing her collarbone. She giggles in response, resting her head on his shoulder. She nods, watching one kid cannonball into the pool. She's surprised when only a small splash happens. The kid mustn't be very heavy. Then again, neither is Carlos and his splashes usually manage to soak everyone in this entire pool area. Of course, he usually jumps from the second level so...

"You feeling better now?" She asks, stroking his cheek.

"Um..." Logan hesitates. "I guess."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Logan runs his hand through her hair, planting a kiss on her forehead. She smiles to herself, enjoying the sweet interaction between them. However, there's still a hint of anxiety in her. She doesn't know when this Hawk business is gonna go away, but she wishes that it would disappear soon. No one...no one deserves to live in fear.

* * *

**See You Again will be updated tomorrow:)**

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	34. Captured

**Haha, told you I'd update! :P**

* * *

"You boys know what to do." I tell my "army," watching the four Big Time Rush boys leave Rocque Records. This is the day that I will finally carry out my plan. To some, I might seem like a sick person, but I'm doing it for an important reason: revenge. Those boys and their boss harmed Hawk's career and he wants revenge, so I'm gonna get it for him.

"_Get them_." I whisper harshly, clutching the wheel. With a smirk on my face, I watch, mischievously, as my minions jump out of the van.

* * *

**James's POV**

"I feel like someone is watching us..."

"James, please tell me you've been taking your-"

"Seriously, Kendall, I feel like someone's watching us!" I snap, running a hand through my hair. This isn't one of my schizophrenic hallucinations. I keep hearing footsteps and the black van across the street looks really suspicious. Of course no one would believe me, though. I'm just the crazy person...

"Okay, fine, we'll check it out." Kendall sighs, turning around. To my shock, no one's around. Well, that van's still there, but no one watching us. But I swear I could feel it! I had a strong feeling that someone's watching us! Oh my god, am I going crazy again? I...I can't go crazy again. I can't end up back in a mental hospital.

"Jay, you're probably just tired-" Carlos insists.

"Y-yeah." I nod, crossing my arms. "Yeah, that's p-probably right."

I try my best to stay calm as we walk toward the limo, but I can't help feeling very paranoid. It just feels like someone is after us. It can't be right, though. I mean, I've been taking my medication like I'm suppose to. I'm stable, I'm normal, I'm NOT crazy. Really, I'm not! I swear I'm not!

"You just need to calm down." Kendall tells me. I shrug, glancing at Logan. Ever since the other day, he's been pretty distance. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Shortly before I was diagnosed, he was assaulted by some thug and a few months later, he was assaulted again. Then I had to be a jerk and bring it up just when he was starting to move on.

Then I hear a click, and footsteps getting closer. We turn around and...

"COME HERE!"

We are grabbed by a group of men in black, dragged kicking and screaming across the street, and shoved into the back of the van, our arms promptly tied behind our backs and our mouths taped shut. I try to scream, but I can't. The four of us are forced to sit somewhat quietly, waiting for the driver to explain what's going on.

"Hello, boys."

Our eyes widen when Rebecca turns to look at us, and I listen as Carlos makes some weird noise that sounds like a cross between laughing and crying.

"Look, just sit there and keep your mouths shut, and we _probably _won't have any problems, okay?"

I take deep breaths, but staying calm in a situation like this is NOT easy. I honestly feel like throwing up, yet I can't. Oh god, I wish that she'd let us go. Oh, and I wonder if she's the one that trashed my room. I honestly wouldn't be surprised. I mean, she's freaking kidnapping us, so I don't think she'd be above trashing a kid's room.

"You four are gonna get _exactly _what you deserve." Rebecca snarls, speeding down the street. You know, I'm aware that crying isn't very manly, but I can feel the tears coming on. It was scary enough when I was hallucinating that ghosts were haunting me, but I know that this is real, which makes it a whole lot worse.

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**Logan's POV**

"GET IN THERE!" One of Rebecca's followers yells as we are shoved into a cell. Apparently, this old jail was shut down a few years ago and now criminals use it as their meeting grounds. I've never seen or heard of this place, but I guess I do now, considering that my friends and I are trapped in it.

"I'm _freaking out!" _Carlos whispers harshly. We look up when we hear a evil chuckle coming from our captor. Rebecca is holding a gun and that's one of many reasons for us to be terrified. I definitely don't blame Carlos for freaking out. Quite frankly, I'm freaking out too. I'm just not showing it.

"Ready for the fun to start?" She giggles, clutching one of the bars on the cell door. I inhale, not sure if I like her idea of fun. For me, fun would be visiting a museum or aquarium. I think her idea of fun is a lot more...sinister. My gosh, I think I'm gonna be sick. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...

"Bec, you're about intimidating as my 80 year old great-grandma." Kendall says flatly. Carlos stifles a laugh, but James and I look at Kendall with absolute horror. We cannot sass this woman right now! Ugh, why am I not surprised? Kendall is the biggest smartass I know.

"Shut up." James says through his teeth. Rebecca doesn't seem to be the least bit phased by Kendall's attitude. She just smirks and shakes her head, pointing the handgun at us. Why do I get the feeling that she's either doing this for revenge or for _fun_? In Rebecca's case, I think it could be either one.

"Your lives are about to become a living hell, got that?" Rebecca warns, leaning against the cell door. "And from what Hawk has said, I think you deserve it."

I flinch, scooting closer to James. I know he's more terrified than any of us. I'm not sure if it's because of his schizophrenia or if he's just naturally more anxious than the rest of us. Before he got sick, he was never like this. I think schizophrenia has affected him more than any of us thought.

"Hawk?" Kendall scoffs. "You're doing this because of _Hawk_?"

"Why else would I do it?" Rebecca snaps, motioning for someone to open the cell for her. We watch as she enters, gulping when she stands right in front of us. Poor James and Carlos look like they might cry, Kendall doesn't look scared at all, and I'm just focused on the stomachache that's beginning to form.

"You know, you're kind of hot when you're angry." Kendall snickers. Rebecca turns the gun on him and I give him a look, silently begging him to shut up. If he keeps running his mouth, someone's gonna get hurt. He really, really, REALLY needs to keep quiet unless one of us wants a bullet in our skull.

"Keep talking and someone's gonna get shot, got that?" Rebecca warns, and Kendall finally shuts up. Yeah, I knew he would. He cares too much about our safety to risk it just so he can sass a psychopath like Rebecca. I know I wouldn't do it, James wouldn't do it, Carlos wouldn't do it, so I don't see why Kendall would.

"That's what I thought." She says coldly, nudging James's leg with her foot. When she leaves and we're finally alone, Kendall turns to us.

"We're gonna get out of here." He tells us.

"How?" I whisper. "Her band of goons will be watching us..."

"I'll figure something out." Kendall assures us. I wanna believe him, I really do, but I can't really believe him. I don't know, I just...as I look around the old, grey, dusty jail cell, I can't bring myself to have much confidence. Is there a chance we can get out of this? Yeah. Is it likely? I don't know.

I _really _don't.

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	35. Danger

**Told you I'd update! Now I've got some reviews to reply to! :)**

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**James's POV**

"This is _exactly_ why people shouldn't be allowed to own guns!" Logan whispers as we all watch Rebecca's guards, with their guns and whatnot. I can't say I disagree with him. People like Rebecca and her goons should be thrown in prison for life and never allowed to touch another weapon ever again.

"How are we gonna get out of here?" Carlos whimpers.

"We'll find a way." Kendall promises, eyeing the men in black. I hope he's right because I can feel myself becoming claustrophobic. This cell..is dark, dusty, ugly...ugh, it's _awful_. If I don't get out of here soon, I'm gonna end up freaking out BIG TIME. Oh, and one of the guards took my crutches away, so I can't walk around to calm myself.

I don't know why Hawk is so insistent on destroying us. I know it has something to do with Gustavo, but it's stupid! He's making our lives hell all because he wants revenge on our boss for being more successful than him? Really, it's ridiculous. I wish that he would just give it up and leave us alone.

"Hey!"

We jump when one of the guards walks over to us. At first we're scared, but our curiosity is peaked when he simply motions with his finger for us to come over. Reluctantly, we get up (for me, this is very painful due to my still broken leg) and approach him, waiting for him to speak. I'm terrified, but I still wanna know.

"You see that vent up there?" He asks us, nodding at the vent above us. We nod, tilting our heads. What exactly is he getting at? "I'll distract the others and you climb through that vent."

"Wait, wait, wait, you wanna _help _us?" Kendall interrupts.

"Just go with it!"

So we do. We watch as he approaches his fellow guards, whispering to them. Finally, they get up and follow him, and when they're not looking, he nods at us. Kendall quietly pulls a chair so its underneath the vent. Then he stands on it and removes the vent cover, handing it to Carlos, who gently sits it on the floor.

First, Kendall crawls through, then Carlos, then-

BANG!

"Going somewhere?"

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**Logan's POV**

I start to crawl through the vent, but a sudden pain shooting through my stomach stops me. Crying out, I fall to the floor, a loud CRACK filling the room. Suddenly, both my arm and my stomach feel like they're on fire and I can see the blood pouring from my abdomen, and Rebecca standing on the other side of the door, a gun in her hand.

"YOU BITCH!" James yells at her.

"Oh, I know!" Rebecca giggles, pointing the gun at him before disappearing again. I squeeze my eyes shut, whimpering. James soon drops to his knees beside me, assuring me that I'll be okay. Sorry, but I'm feeling a lot less than "okay." It's taking all my strength to keep from screaming.

"J-Jay, y-your l-leg..." I whimper. His leg's still in a cast. He shouldn't be walking on it...

"F-forget about that!" James tells me, looking up at Kendall and Carlos. They're hiding in the vent, but I can tell that they wanna come down. They shouldn't, though.

"GO." I mouth silently, watching as they begin crawling away. I'm shaking as James pulls me into his arms, the pain flaring up. I have no idea how I'm not screaming or crying. I guess I'm just use to this kind of pain. The two times that I got hurt by those thugs didn't feel so great either. The second time, I was paraplegic for several months until I was able to get surgery.

"Th-they're g-gonna get help." James assures me.

"P-please." I reply, closing my eyes. I can...feel...myself...drifting off...

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**Kendall's POV**

"Ewww..." Carlos groans as we crawl toward the end of the vent. I roll my eyes as I remove the cover, tossing it aside. I look outside to make sure that Rebecca and her posse aren't around, and when I see that they're not, I jump to the ground and wait for Carlos to do the same. I'm truly amazed that he doesn't waste anytime getting down here. Of course, why would he? Our best friend is hurt and needs help...

"Come on!" I grab his wrist and drag him down the old dirt road, down the street, and to a gas station. People stare at us because we're in such a panic, but that's the least of my concerns. "Hey, we need someone to call the police! We were kidnapped and our two friends are still in there, and one of them got shot!"

In an instant, the cashier grabs a phone and dials 911, much to our relief. Once that has been done, I take out my cell phone and dial Mom's number. I know she's probably worried sick about us. We've been gone for several hours and it's EASY to worry my mom. That's why we usually try to avoid it.

Anyway, she needs to know...ugh, she's not answering! I'll just leave a message...

"Mom, it's Kendall. Listen, the guys and I were kidnapped by Rebecca, but Carlos and I escaped. But James and Logan are still in this old prison outside LA, and Logan's hurt, but we got someone to call 911. PLEASE call me when you get back."

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**Mama Knight's POV**

"Mom, where are we going?"

"The guys are in trouble." I answer, going at least ten miles over the speed limit. We're no longer in LA, but in some desert-like place in the middle of nowhere. Okay, Kendall's message mentioned something about an old prison. Where could that be? Then again, should I really go to this place? It might be dangerous...

"Right here!" Katie suddenly yells. I make a sharp turn onto the property, instantly noticing the police cars and police officers surrounding the prison. Every officer has his or her gun out, and I'm not sure whether to be relieved or sick to my stomach. How could anyone harm my precious boys?

"MOM!"

I nearly burst into tears when I see Kendall. "Baby!" I cry, pulling him into a hug. "Honey, are you and Carlos alright?"

"We're fine." Kendall answers, looking at the prison entrance. It doesn't really look like much of a prison, just a dumpster. I say that because it looks so old, as if it hasn't been touched in fifty years. Who could stand being in a place like this? I pray that James and Logan will be alright...I hope that the police get them out of there so they can get medical help...

"Where is Carlos?" Katie wonders.

"He's over there, baby sister." Kendall nods at the youngest of the group, and I instantly run to the boy, hugging him as well. Now, if James and Logan could just be freed. Then everything would be _fantastic._

"I-I just w-want James and L-Logan..." Carlos stutters. I nod in agreement, keeping my arms around him and my two children. I couldn't stand losing any of my children, including the ones that I didn't give birth to. James, Carlos, and Logan are like my own kids. I take care of them and they mean the world to me.

"Let's just pray, you guys." I tell them, kissing their heads. "They'll...they'll be okay."

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	36. Escape

**I'm quite proud of this chapter:) I hope you love it as much as I do!**

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**James's POV**

"This _sucks._" Logan groans. "My arm and stomach are on fire, you've gotta take your meds-"

I tilt my head as I glance up at the still open vent. I wonder if, possibly, we could escape. I mean, Rebecca and her guards went somewhere else, so we could possibly get out of here if we move fast enough. Of course, I'm not sure how fast a guy can move with a broken arm and a gunshot wound. Then again, if we get out of here, Logan can get to a hospital...

"W-what are y-you thinking?"

"We need to get out of here." I whisper, still looking up at the vent. My determination is very high. I refuse to rot in an old jail cell while my friend is hurt. He's already lost a lot of blood and I don't think he can afford to lose much more. If we just try to move as fast as we can, we can get out of here and Logan can get the help he needs.

"H-how?"

"The vent." I reply, standing up. "But you're gonna have to try to be quiet, okay?"

He nods, squeezing his eyes shut as I begin lifting him off the ground. I hate seeing him holding back screams, but the primary focus has to be getting out of here. That's why I'm in such a hurry and why I'm not more gentle with him. I do whisper some comforting words, though, as I gently push him into the vent.

"J-ames..."

"I'm coming." I murmur, crawling in behind him. Reaching out to give his shoulder a squeeze, I take a deep breath, then we begin crawling, with some difficulty, through the vent. It's dark and cold and dirty in here, but that doesn't phase me because I just wanna get us out of here. I want Logan to be okay, which means that the first thing we need to do is go to a hospital.

"James-"

"Come on, just relax and keep crawling..." I instruct, noticing the light at the end of the...tunnel/vent/thingy. I smile weakly, crawling ahead of Logan to the tiny door. It appears to be just large enough for us to fit through it. "Okay, we've gotta figure out how to get this open."

I can't believe how many people there are outside, including the police and the hostage negotiator. We have so many people that care and that touches my heart, you know? On a different note, how are we gonna bust out of here?! There has to be a way to get the vent open, right?

"I've g-got it." Logan murmurs, taking out a paper clip and reaching out with his good arm. So he doesn't fall, I hold on to him, knowing that falling on his broken arm couldn't possibly feel good. "Got it!"

He pulls the vent cover back, tossing it aside.

"THERE THEY ARE!"

I grunt as I fall down to the ground, standing up and waiting for Logan to get down. I can tell he's in pain, but I can't let that stop him from getting free. In a panic, I reach out, grabbing him and pulling him out of the vent, gulping when he loses his consciousness. No, no, no, he can't fall asleep now!

"Buddy, y-you've g-gotta wake up!" I plead, holding him in my arms.

"We'll take it from here, kid." A paramedic assures me as a stretcher is brought over. Tears fall down my face as Logan is taken from me, while I wonder what might end up happening to Rebecca and her guards. Now that we're out of there, the police can find them and arrest them, right?

"PUT THE GUN DOWN!"

Rebecca seems to have decided to come out, but she's got the gun held out in front of her. She's not obeying the policeman's demands either. They keep screaming at her to put the gun down, but her grip never loosens.

What happens next...it's the most shocking. After a few more minutes, our captor holds the gun to her own temple and I squeeze my eyes shut just as a shot is fired. Simultaneous gasps are heard and slowly, I open my eyes, shocked to see Rebecca's lifeless body on the ground, blood pouring from her temple...

"James!" Mama Knight exclaims, throwing her arms around me. "Oh, honey, thank God you're okay..."

"L-logan..." I whisper shakily as she helps me to my feet.

"It's okay, baby." She answers, kissing my temple. "He's gonna get help..."

Carlos is the next to approach me, putting his arms around my waist. Then Kendall joins in and before I know it, there's a group hug happening. I can't say I feel great, but I do feel significantly better now that I'm back with the ones I love.

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**Logan's POV**

"He got lucky. If he had lost much more blood, he would've been a goner."

I...I am...so confused...

W-where...where am I?

I whimper softly as I blink my eyes, trying to focus. What's with the white walls and...and the weird machines? I don't like being confused...or scared. I-I-I w-wanna g-go home...please, please, I need to go home. Wherever I am, I don't like it. I want m-my own bed and m-my fr-friends and f-family...

"Oh, thank goodness."

Mama Knight?

I turn my head toward the door, watching her talk to a woman in a white coat. I inhale softly, surprised that I'm not really in pain. I think I'm on some drug because I thought that I'd be on fire or something. Hmm, I m-must be a-at a h-hospital. I-I remember how I-I got h-here, but not clearly...

"Logan? Baby, are you awake?"

"M-ma-"

"Shhh." She says gently, stroking my cheek. I whimper softly, looking at the cast and sling protecting my right arm. Ugh, the last thing I wanted was any injuries. Even worse, I specifically remember having a gun shot wound and I can feel the gauze wrapped tightly around my waist. W-why doesn't l-life come and...and punch m-me in the f-face?

"Just rest, okay?" She tells me, kissing my forehead. I'm too tired to argue, so I simply close my eyes and drift back off.

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**James's POV**

"Okay, you took your meds." Kendall pats my shoulder, while Carlos watches us. I got examined by a doctor and I'm apparently "just fine," so I didn't need to be admitted. So I've been staying in the cafeteria with Kendall and Carlos, and I took my antipsychotic medication. I'm amazed that I haven't relapsed again.

"Is Logan okay?"

"Yeah, he's gonna be okay." Carlos assures me. I bury my head in my arms, sighing. I'm so damn tired and I just wanna go home and take a nap, but I also wanna be here with Logan. My exhaustion is really starting to get the best of me, though. I'm just so...freaking...tired. Yeah, I definitely need a nap.

"You look like you could use some sleep." Kendall informs me, rubbing my back. I nod, keeping my eyes closed. I don't even bother protesting as Kendall helps me out of the chair and out of the cafeteria, and to a waiting room. Katie's sleeping in one of the chairs, but there's a sleeping bag with a pillow on the floor.

"We fixed this up for you." Kendall says. "We knew you're probably really tired."

Quietly, I thank him as I crawl into the sleeping bag, laying my head on the pillow. Almost instantly, I begin drifting off to sleep. I can't really call it a peaceful sleep, though. The whole time, I am haunted by memories. Memories of Rebecca and Hawk, the mental hospital, every bad thing that has happened to me.

I can only hope that I'll be able to move on.

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